Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Lay's "Do Us A Flavor" Mega review: Mango Salsa, Wasabi Ginger, Cappuccino, and Bacon Mac & Cheese chips!

In February of last year, Lay's rolled out a contest where you could vote for your favorite of 3 new kinds of chips: Cheesy Garlic Bread, Sriracha, and Chicken & Waffles chips. We of course reviewed them, and agreed with America on the winner, Cheesy Garlic Bread.

And they've done it again this year. SO, that means it's time for me to spend some time eating chips and talking about them. Ladies and gents, I present the 4 finalists for this year's contest. Save your fave!


First up: Something I've never had and can't imagine I'd want on a potato chip: Mango Salsa, in wavy form:


These smell pretty strongly of mango. I was surprised already.


So these are weird. The less flavor-covered chips are kind of fruit-sweet, with a pretty hidden tomato-ish (I guess) salsa flavor and are kind of enjoyable, but still weird. The super covered chips make my face do bad things. They have such a strong mango flavor, and even though I generally love mango in all forms (have you had a Bud Lite Lime Mango-rita yet? WONDERFUL), I thought these were pretty gross. They're just way too sweet and odd of a flavor, and mango flavoring in dry rub form just doesn't work as anything other than odd and kind of gross. I don't think the world is ready for fruit flavored potato chips. I'm sure as hell not. 
Grade: D


I decided to stop messing around and just went for the day-ruiner right off the bat. Dear taste buds, I'm sorry.

I present: Lay's Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger chips:


Let me give you a little backstory. I don't like sushi. I never have. I'll never understand how people who were raised on cheeseburgers and pizza suddenly hit age 30 and not just like, but absolutely LOVE and praise like the lord baby jesus himself raw fish wrapped in goo rice. For years, I was told, "you don't like sushi? It's probably cuz you haven't had GOOD sushi." But over years of being dragged to sushi places and eating roll after roll to prove to my friends that no- I have had what they consider to be good, I just don't like sushi, I have proven time and time again that sushi just isn't for some people. 
So should I be doing this review? Well, I bought the chips, so yea. 

Even though I don't like sushi, I could eat some of it if I had to- at least the less raw/weird versions. I could eat a California roll and not be too grossed out if it was my only option for food. Could I eat one dipped in wasabi and ginger? No. Fuck that. I'd rather starve.

Since the first time wasabi touched my tongue, I've despised it. I don't believe anyone likes it- I believe it exists solely so people can claim they like it and make a scene when they eat it. "DOOD! DID YOU SEE HOW MUCH WASABI HE JUST ATE?! DAAMN DOOD!" Or so Steve-O can snort it. 

And ginger? I spit it out when I tried it. Isn't it basically tongue poison that kills off any taste you just had so the next thing you eat can get a fresh palette? And I'm eating this on my beloved potato chips!? Of all the people I know who eat sushi, I think 1 person mixes wasabi and ginger together. But Lay's decided that the lunatic who submitted this flavor deserved to have these made. Sure Lay's, ignore my submission of chipotle ranch potato skins. But make sure you go out of your way to make this piss. Jerks.  


I bit in, and immediately spit everything out. In fact, here's me eating these for the first time: 

video

I guess that means that Lay's got the flavor right. As I panicked and spit chips all over my friend's garden and tried my best to not violently puke up my entire intestines, I was immediately taken back to the first time I tried these flavors, at a small sushi place in Somerville, Massachusetts. I swore at my friends and stared deep into their souls, appalled that I willingly spent time with people who purposefully ate such atrocities of flavor. 

So, if you love wasabi and ginger, these will probably be your favorite chips. If, on the other hand, you like actual food, you should set fire to every bag of these you see, screaming at them to drag themselves back to the hell they came from. NOTE: FGFB does not condone setting fire to bags of chips, unless of course you own them and it is done in a controlled way.

Grade: Every F that's ever existed, jammed together into one giant F that flattens your whole family and everything you've ever loved. I'm either setting fire to this bag or using it to prank someone I really hate. Unfortunately, there's nobody I hate enough. 


Next up, another odd choice for Lay's, Cappuccino:


Lay's is certainly getting adventurous this time. I opened these up, and they smelled like coffee. As I got closer to the bag, the smell sweetened up, with cinnamon and subtle hints of an almost maple chocolate. The chips looked awesome. I've never seen a chip so brown before. 


Were they good? ehhhhhh....

I'm not a coffee drinker (seriously, why am I even doing this review?) but I tend to love coffee flavored things, generally because coffee flavored things have a lot of sweetness to them. These don't. I mean, initially, they are definitely sweet, but as I chewed them, I found the coffee bitterness started creeping in, and I was left with a bitter coffee aftertaste that every now and then hit me with some cinnamony sweetness. This really just confused my taste buds more than anything- making me think I really liked these with time, but then each chip I ate gave me the same reaction: yuck. 

Grade: D.


So, while I've been excited to try these for the experience and test of my taste buds, these contest chips were failing pretty hard. Would the one flavor I was certain would be good save it?

Time to find out. 


Opening these up, they stunk. They smelled of a weird plastic meat. But that's ok- all chips I've had with bacon involved smell terrible. Could the taste be all that I'd dreamt of?


Again, sort of! But these are still awesome. They aren't really that different from any other cheddar and bacon chip out there, but I'm ok with that, since there aren't enough, and Lay's and Ruffles' delicious Bacon chips are only available in Canada, and SHITTY STUPID RUFFLES STILL HASN'T BROUGHT BACK THE WORKS. These are close to Ruffles' cheddar and bacon potato skins chips, just slightly more bacony. Honestly, right away, I tasted mac and cheese, but once I questioned if I was just imagining it, I felt like I was. These are cheesy, but are they really Mac & Cheesey? There is a very slight uniqueness to the cheese, but if I was taste-testing these and asked what they were, I'd just say they were cheddar and bacon. 
But again, I'm ok with that. I am 100% buying a big bag of these (or 5), but at the same time- I don't have to rush and buy out the store. Because there is NO WAY IN HELL any of the other flavors beat this one. If they do, it's a conspiracy. Fruit chips, wasabi and ginger hell, and a complete gimmick of coffee chips vs. a flavor that has time and again proven itself to not only be awesome- but be awesome on chips? These'll be permanent (or at least as permanent as Lay's decides to make them, which probably won't be very long). 

Either way, these are great. 

A

Try them all if you have the stomach for it. When you're done, vote at https://www.dousaflavor.com/#!/ but only if you're voting for Bacon Mac & Cheese. Seriously. Don't screw this up.

-review by Mike

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Klondike Kandy Bars Cookies & Cream and Caramel & Peanutes



Whats' this? A post on a Sunday?! If that Sunday is NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY then you're damn right FGFB is going to be out all day celebrating as hard as we can. But for people not so extreme, we picked up some Klondike Kandy Bars, Klondike's newest civilian freezer option. Let's see what we got hurrrrr and what exactly, you'd do, for a Klondike bar.

I started off with what I was most excited about, The Caramel & Peanuts.


The size I wasn't very impressed with, but, it's pretty standard now with the downsizing of all ice cream, candy, or any other bar options, so I'd say it's in line with market bar value. 


On the outside of the bar, was a standard, not as thick milk chocoloate coating, with small peanuts sprinkled about within itself. The coating sets the tone for the texture of the bar, as soon as you bite in you have this to push through before you can get into the vanilla inside, where presumably, there would be caramel.


There is, but just not enough. The Klondike Kandy Bar was extremely low on the caramel, but it wasn't too bad, seeing as how you have the classic Klondike ice cream in the middle.
The whole bar was lackluster at best, the caramel riding along the vanilla wave, with just a little bit of peanut texture, and a thin, non descript candy shell that would pass by everyone, unnoticed, unloved, working a day job at a call center.

Let's see if these Cookies & Cream were any better!




This guy was slightly better than the last one. I wasn't insulted by the thickness of the candy shell. If any company whining about costs and wondering how to make candy shells on bars correctly, call up Magnum, or maybe Dove. Unaffected by the Dot Com burst and the housing crisis of 2008, Dove and Magnum coat their bars like Khal Drogo does wannabe king's heads in gold.

The Cookies & Cream flavors felt exactly like you'd expect them to be. Expect a Hershey's cookies and Cream chocolate bar, but without the Hershey's chocolate to go with it.

Overall these bars were both just OK. I wouldn't take a Khalasar across the Narrow Sea to get either one of these, but if I came across one at a party or in a freezer, they'd satiate that Ice Cream sweet tooth for a bit. It's kind of like someone at Klondike wanted to make these cool bars, but the suits at the top put up so much red tape that the poor Klondike dreamer just couldn't make it the quality that he had wanted. Klondike wants to make a good bar, they do, but in the end, these just fall so very flat, that if you see them in the store, you might as well try something else.

I give Klondike Kandy Bars Caramel & Peanut and Cookies & Cream both a
 D
If you guys are really an Ice Cream name I can trust, stop pussyfooting around
and make a bar that means something. It's National Ice Cream day for godsake, you
should be ashamed. What would your mother say?
-Josh

If you can think of any food item or restaurant you'd like us to review, feel free to drop us an email at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com. You can also hit us up with any questions, comments, or just to praise us on how good a job we're doing! Follow us on Twitter for mini-reviews and live tweeting of visits to different food spots. Then, if you really want to connect with us, you can catch us on that Facebook thing.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Limeade Oreo cookies!

A few times a year the Fatguyfoodblog crew will go their separate ways and go on vacation. It's a break from the job and the every day grind. Everyone needs one, right? Well for a food blogger, you're never truly on vacation. I found myself in northern Vermont, near the Canadian border, still scouring stores for items that we couldn't find back in our area, and boy am I glad I did because I scored an item that has proven to be quite elusive. What is it? 
Why, the latest creation from the fine folks at Oreo...the Limited Edition Limeade Oreo cookies! 


Is that Champ in the background? 
As I sat by Lake Champlain ready to crack open this package of cookies, I realized that for once I didn't have any of the regular crew to try them with me, so I recruited the obvious choice for a review sidekick, my little nephew Mason. Despite not really understanding what a blog was, he was quite eager to help with anything that involved this colorful bag of cookies. So we tore that bag open and went to town.

This was basically torture for him. 
First thing we did was smell them. We both agreed that they did indeed smell like lime. Mason wasn't too keen on how long I took taking the pictures because I told him we had to wait to try them until we took the pictures. Right off the bat these reminded me of the Sherbet Oreos from awhile back, mostly just because of that strong green color of the creme. Then we pulled one out and I showed him how to twist the cookie open so we could get a good picture of the inside. I let him try one and he did it first try. Now came the moment of truth...

More green than the Emerald city! 
Now, I'm a man who enjoys an ice cold glass of limeade on a hot day, so you'd think I would love these. But I'm usually not a huge fan of fruit flavored cookies. But when I finally caved and the little man and I each grabbed a cookie, I was pretty happy with them! The lime creme has just the right amount of tartness to it to offset the sugary sweetness. The golden cookie was a much smarter choice than the chocolate ones with these. It's a much lighter flavor and that's definitely what you want when dealing with a summer cookie. Do they taste like limeade? I suppose? At least as much as a cookie could. I told Mason that I liked them, and asked him what he thought and took this pic while he was responding.

He was in deep thought here. 
He told me, "Well, um, I like the green stuff. It tastes like lime. It's good. Maybe once we both eat these ones, we can both get another one to have. To be sure we like them."  In case you aren't fluent in kid speak, that means he liked them. Although after the second cookie he did tell me there's too much sugar in those and that we shouldn't have more. Even at such an early age he's already got more self control when it comes to cookies than his old uncle. Upside to a little kid eating a bunch of sugar? Lots of energy to play superheroes.

Gotham's finest. 
All in all I would say the Limeade Oreo cookies are an excellent addition to your summer snacking lineup. They are limited edition so grab them while you can. They aren't overpowering at all, but they also have a nice little bit of tang to them. If you're into lime flavor, you'll probably love them.
All in all I would give them a solid B!

Big thanks to Mason for helping out with this one. He was one heck of a sidekick for food bloggin'. Maybe he'll replace Irwin for a while!

If you can think of any food item or restaurant you'd like us to review, feel free to drop us an email at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com. You can also hit us up with any questions, comments, or just to praise us on how good a job we're doing! Follow us on Twitter for mini-reviews and live tweeting of visits to different food spots. Then, if you really want to connect with us, you can catch us on that Facebook thing.