¿Como se llama? It's the New Taco Bell Quesalupa!

Taco Bell’s been teasing a new item for months. We heard it would be revolutionary. Would it be as profound as the Doritos Locos Tacos? Is that even possible? A deep fried, Cheetos Cheddar Jalapeno crusted burrito??? (sadly, no, but Taco Bell chefs, I have more ideas, reach out to me.) Who would the new debutante be? You’ve probably heard by now it’s the Quesalupa, a chalupa and quesadilla love child. Maybe the worst kept secret in fast food news this year. Either way, I was excited to taste the new creation. Here’s what it’s supposed to look like:

Look at that cheese stretch

I admit, I was looking forward to breaking open that bag o’ quesalupa and making an edible cheesy rubberband. That’s what the ads showed so it must be true. The Bell also describes it as a…”beautiful, chewy Chalupa shell on the outside, with delicious pepper jack cheese baked right inside the shell. Majestic, melty cheese stuffed inside the shell. A cheesy shell…” Note how many times they used the word “cheesy.”

The anticipation was building. It was tough not ripping into the bag, especially since I’d been fasting all day-only one lunch and 2-5 snacks. ½ a donut.

Quit teasing me, bag!

Rifling through the bag, I set aside the Sriracha Chicken Crunchwrap Slider, Spicy Soft Potato Taco, and the Chipotle Chicken Loaded Griller to get to the main prize. Before I pulled out the black foil-wrapped Q-Loop I could smell it: a distinct fried dough and grease smell. Needless to say, this is an exquisite smell. I am literally drooling on my plate; it’s good living alone. I carefully unwrapped the sultry temptress, inhaled that deep-fried scent, then set it down in admiration. The Q-Lupa container cradled its package lovingly. At this point, I needed to take a deep breath. Tonight was the night.

It was finally time to crack that baby open and bathe in the deluge of gooey cheese. The shell was dense with grease but still slightly crunchy. I gingerly split it open. THE CHEESE DID NOT STRETCH. Monumental disappointment. I inspected the shell further and searched for the cheese. There was a piddly amount and at first I thought maybe they forget an ingredient, like when they forgot the quesadilla portion of a Quesarita I ate some months back. Researched it a bit further and I was correct, the cheese was baked right there in the shell. That’s the last time I trust a fast food ad. You’ve screwed me over for the last time.

Measly amount of promised cheese notwithstanding, the Quesalupa was satisfying. It tasted like some solid street food, if the street food vendor had been taken over by a fast food company. It tasted like ½ the food at TB-not a bad thing-but not radical like the Doritos Locos line of tacos. The familiar lettuce, cheddar, sour cream, and bland chicken combo is still killer, but I was hoping for something more elevated. And for $2.99 the value simply isn’t there. You’re better off getting the superior and cheesier Quesarita.

Whomp

With the absence of cheese, high price point, and familiar taste,

 I give Taco Bell’s Quesalupa a C+.
-Mark 

Found a spot you think we should review? Are you a part of a company that would like to send us stuff to review? Just want to tell us how radical we are? SOUNDS GOOD! Here's how you can find us:
EMAIL: fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: facebook.com/fatguyfoodblog
Twitter: @fatguyfoodblog
INSTAGRAM: @fatguyfoodblog

Taco Bell Bacon Club Chalupa $5 box & Cap'n Crunch Delights!

Folks, there's a reason that whenever we had something from Taco Bell that needed reviewing, that Mike did them all. He had a love for Taco Bell that Josh and I have never had. Sure, there's been times where I found myself in need of some late night food at low, low prices and they hit the spot. But to be honest, I would say a good 85% of the time I visit a Taco Bell, I leave saying I doubt I'll ever come back.

Well, then some of our readers started asking us to review the Bacon Club Chalupa $5 box and the new Cap'n Crunch Delights. With Mike now retired from the food blogging game, it has fallen on me. So I headed down to my local Taco Bell with this image of the Bacon Club Chalupa $5 box in my head...

WHAT A DEAL! Look how pretty it is! 

And...well...after I order, and then wait twenty minutes for my food, this is what they hand to me...

Wait...what?

 All I can think of is, "Well, here we go again." 

No cool box. No pretty looking food. Just a bunch of junk wrapped up in paper and slam dunked onto a plastic tray. Do I really care that much about the box? I guess not? But with my already low expectations I feel like this is just a warning of things to come! But let's take a look...

Don't worry, gang. The bacon is under this, I'm sure!

So I'll skip the past the taco, burrito and drink that come as a part of this $5 box because that's not what we're here to talk about. Jump right to the Bacon Club Chalupa, back for a limited time. I'm holding on to my excitement because their commercials for this thing pump up how much bacon is in it. I'm in the mood to be overloaded by bacon, especially after waiting twenty minutes for this thing. I open it up and I'm met with lots of veggies!

Yeah I think I see some bacon there!...right? 

 After getting out a pair of old man glasses, then a giant magnifying glass, I finally locate some bacon at the bottom of six inches of stacked lettuce. Little tiny bacon bits. Enough to fit in an infants palm. That's it. That's what all the excitement is about.  Their commercials have people in a mall where everything there is bacon. In fact, lets take a look at how this thing looks in the last bit of their commercial...

That's a lot of bacon there...

Yeah. This bacon situation is a lie. Sure, I could have gotten a bad one, but come on. This is a pretty drastic difference. When your main selling point of an item is bacon and you serve it to me with barely ANY bacon, I'm going to call you out on it, TB! Oh and also, I only got one piece of chicken on mine. ONE. PIECE. OF. CHICKEN.

Oh, cool. One piece of chicken and some bacon bits. 

The Bacon Club Chalupa and it's $5 box get an F from me. In fact, if I could find the FGFB bat, I might be making a new video. Sure, it's a bunch of food for five bucks, but you know what? It's still not worth it. This thing should have been packed with so much bacon that I would take a step back and think about my life before taking that first bite. But no, instead, I'm left with some bacon bits, one piece of chicken and a head of lettuce. F. All the way.

Next up we have the Cap'n Crunch Delights! Now, I'm a big Cap'n Crunch fan. To this day I can take down a box of Crunch Berries with the best of them. However, I think I know what to expect from these because of their Cinnabon Delights. The first couple you eat are the best thing that's ever happened to you. Then you quickly want to die because they are just little goo filled grease balls. But...let's give these a try!

These came out piping hot and the first thing I notice is that they smell incredibly like Cap'n Crunch Berries. That's because each one is covered in what appears to be the dust from a box of that cereal. They finally found a use for it! So right out the gate they smell like a Cap'n Crunch pastry should. So I pop the first one in my mouth...

Ehhhh....

And a blast of hot goo shoots out. It's greasy and sweet and the Cap'n Dust mixes in for a great flavor. But at the same time I'm a little grossed out. There were four in the little bag. After my third one I was like Starlord in the following gif:

But I won't be too hard on them. They are tasty as long as you don't eat too many. I know you're tempted to get the big pack, but my friend, stick with that four pack. Hell, even give one to a pal to try so you don't eat all four and you'll walk away happy. I give the Taco Bell Cap'n Crunch Delights a C! Tasty, warm and sweet, covered in Cap'n Crunch dust, but the downside is they quickly make you feel like you want your stomach pumped out. 

Taco Bell, I'm helping you out here. I redid one of your ads to make it a bit more truthful. Feel free to use it if you'd like. 

As always, if you have an item you've seen in a store or on tv that you want us to review, drop us a line and let us know! Our email is fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com ! Are you a company that wants us to maybe review your item? Email us! Are you on Twitter? FOLLOW US! How about that Facebook? We're on there too! LIKE our page because sometimes we give away free stuff and everyone likes that!