Caramel Apple Oatmeal Creme Pies!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Fall has arrived! If the leaves changing colors and the horrid heat of the summer departing weren't enough to clue you in, perhaps the large amount of Pumpkin flavored items on the shelves at your local supermarket clued you in. It seems like every major brand has a pumpkin or pumpkin spice item. Along comes Little Debbie to shake things up. Do they have pumpkin flavored stuff? You bet. But the Queen of Snack Cakes knows that Fall isn't just about pumpkin. So when I saw these new Caramel Apple Oatmeal Creme Pies, I knew I had to try them. Carmel Apples bring forth memories of going to the fairs in the fall! Gorging on delicious foods and playing games of chance to win cheap prizes. Taking a spin on a ride that's been taken apart and reassembled a hundred times by any number of haggard carnies. Caramel apples are always there, like a necessary prop in the background of every fair and carnival. I'm not sure anyone after 1952 has ever liked caramel apples. They are always there but I never see anyone buy them. They are a treat from a bygone era, but the idea of them still gets me excited!

Colorful Fall Leaves on the box and everything!

Let's get one thing clear before we go any further. I'm not sure when it happened, but suddenly I realized a while back that Little Debbie is THE pastry company these days. In my younger days I would have said it was Hostess, but let's face it, they fell off and they fell off hard. While they seem like they are doing well, they will never take the crown back from Little Debbie. Name any one item you like from another snack cake company and I can name you a dozen things Little Debbie does that are better. She now rules the snack cake aisle with an Iron Fist. Like I said back in the Milky Way Brownie post, All hail the Queen of Snack Cakes. Mother of Pastries, Breaker of Diets. If you doubt it, just peer into her icy, dark blue eyes.

All hail the queen!

Why am I kissing her ass so much before starting this review? Because she deserves it! She puts out the Oatmeal Creme Pie. END OF STORY. SHUT THE DAMN BOOK! They are one of the greatest things ever thought up by a human brain. So soft and delicious. The other versions of them are pretty great too! Fudge Rounds, and even the Peanut Butter Cookie creme pies are excellent. So going into these Caramel Apple ones I was pretty excited, and I have to say, I wasn't let down.

Once freed from it's plastic film, you see that it's the same tiny size as the regular OCP. Big difference here though is that it smells like someone just cracked open a jug of fresh apple cider right under my nose. Not only that, but I spy more oats than usual in the cookie!

It was tough to pull the hood back on this hot rod due to how chewy the cookie was. Just like you'd expect. But once inside you can see that there's what appears to be some nice apple butter-esque goo, and a different shade of the classic Oatmeal Creme Pie "creme." As I suspected, this is where the Caramel flavor is coming from. Apple goo plus caramel creme between two thin, chewy oatmeal cookies. Ripped open like this, it doesn't look like much, but together? Together it's the fall treat you never knew you wanted.

In the end I have to say that these are a welcome change to the limited edition fall item. Everyone does Pumpkin Spice! Josh just reviewed THREE PUMPKIN SPICE CEREALS! I say the more apple the better.  These are a great start. I can happily say that if they pop up next year I will 100% scoop them up and enjoy them with a nice cup of mulled cider.  They are an awesome spin on a classic, fan favorite pastry item from the company currently on top, Little Debbie.

I give Caramel Apple Oatmeal Creme Pies an A-! Would have been a plus if they were just a little bit bigger!

PS- Twinkie the Kid, if I were you, I would wipe that smile off your face and make yourself scarce. Before the Queen realizes just how creepy you are and green lights your ass!

Review by Rich, resides in New Hampshire and likes to boast that he's eaten more apple cider donuts than everyone reading this review combined. Think you've got him beat? NOPE.

Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Want us to review your stuff? Have some ideas for reviews? Want to be the one to tell us about the newest kind of Oreos/chips/ice cream/Fast food thingy? Want to send us pictures of your dog?

Well, here's how you can reach us:
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
EMAIL

Pumpkin Spice Er'Thang: Cheerios, Special K, and Frosted Mini Wheats

I walked into my local Market Basket, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught a little something new.

Now what in the good Christ is Cheerios doing messing with pumpkin spice? I wasn't sure, but I was damn sure this food blogger was going to find out. Now you'd think that'd be enough, but by the time my short little legs were carrying my bebopping, whistling face out the front door, I had discovered that not only was Cheerios not alone, they had roped in some heavy hitters to join in the pumkin spice craze.

 SO me and the GF decided to forgo a real dinner, and go through and pour a bowl of each!

First up, I decided to go with a cereal I remember liking quite a bit when I was going through that 20 something cereal phase. Hey sometimes you've got to try something other than Reeses Puffs.

 

These things were pretty much what you'd expect. That hint of pumpkin, wrapped up with a thin frosting taste, and depending on how long you let it sit in the cereal, a solid crunch, or a mouthful of wet wiggly wheat strands. I think what held this together so well was the "frost", that sugary cool blast of what MIGHT rest somewhere in the marshmallow family.

As a man who doesn't really like ginger anything (besides ale) I was bummed when I read that it was a main component of this cereal. Special K is never that good unless it's overloaded with freeze dried fruit!

Looks like chunks of cardboard, but in all actuality, this cereal was pretty damn good. As a dry option, it didn't really work. What was needed for this to sing, was all of the elements working together. There was that nice familiar chemical concoction that is whatever pumpkin spice is, and then within that, the little cinnamon cluster blasts really helped make the overall flavor of this cereal taste decent.

Last on the list, Cheerios.

I know most people either love or hate Cheerios.  I've always enjoyed a bowl or two of the breakfast classic, but this time, this time was very different.

Tasting these dry is like eating those packing peanuts that you get that are "edible". And you only ever eat those on a dare, or if you never have, you pop them in your mouth, waiting for them to be absolutely disgusting, and they aren't, but don't taste good either.

Now the real test, in milk, these were absolutely horrid. They taste like a blander Cheerio covered in pepper, rolled in dirt. There is only one person on the planet that would think these are good.

  These are the worst Cheerios I've ever consumed. The only time they've altered Cheerios, and it's been edible, is when they decided to make honey-nut. Every other iteration of the Cheerio is like a wretched lesson they are trying to teach children by making the most foul tasting cereal they can. A cruel joke on children around the globe.

Out of the three, I'd have to say the Pumkin Spice Frosted Mini Wheats were the star of the new line of fad cereals this fall, with a solid runner up trophy going to Special K. This year, pumpkin spice came out so hard it has effectively twisted it's chassis off the line. 

I don't know where this is going to go, but hopefully we can trim some of the fat, and let horrible things like pumpkin spice Cheerios fall down to cereal hell where Paul Walker can enjoy their bland, peppery flavor for eternity.

Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini Wheats: B
Pumpkin Spice Special K: C

Pumpkin Spice Cheerios: a HARD F.

Review by Josh

Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Want us to review your stuff? Have some ideas for reviews? Want to be the one to tell us about the newest kind of Oreos/chips/ice cream/Fast food thingy? Want to send us pictures of your dog?

Well, here's how you can reach us:
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
EMAIL

Mainely Burgers in Central Sq, Cambridge MA!

Dozens, possibly hundreds of us working in or around Cambridge’s Central Square recently bid a bittersweet farewell to a mostly unknown joint called Four Burgers. The aptly named restaurant featured four types of burgers: turkey, salmon, black bean, and grass-fed beef. While the food was of great quality, it was a bit overpriced- a typical lunch time order of rosemary chips (which were, admittedly, nothing short of fantastic), a double cheeseburger, and one soda cost a dime under $15 without tax, and they never advertised any specials to my knowledge. So with a shrug, we watched them shutter their doors.

It wasn’t long before the murmurs and whispers of a new burger joint rose above the collective din of grumbling office worker tummies. A co-worker came to me asking if I had heard of the popular food truck from Scarborough, Maine, that was going to permanently park its business a few streets over. When I learned the name, the grumble didn’t come from my stomach.

The “Mainely Whatever” thing. Can that stop and go away forever please? It might coax a chuckle from a tourist the FIRST time, but as someone who lived in Maine for five years, this bit gets old fast. Sadly, just like so maine-y things in this region of New England, it’s time for change. But hey, then again, I’m a city slicker now- maybe I just can't wrap my head around the way life should be. 

this is in central square?

At first glance, MAINELY BURGERS felt suspiciously like a rebrand of Four Burgers, but I succepted to the ruse after taking in the restaurant’s wood-panel-everything décor, which was strangely comforting- like the square womb of a Tolkien Ent. There’s also a nice mural of the food truck driving from Portland to Central. All in all, the simple and polished atmosphere is a welcome juxtaposition to the Square. 

Two items on the list quickly caught my eye. The first, THE BEAST. On a list of menu items like the MB CLASSIC, THE SHROOM & SWISS, and THE ARRIBA!, this one seemed like the only choice for a Fat Guy Food Blogger. Also, the name reminded me of my favorite autumn themed protagonist- THE BEAST from Over The Garden Wall. Look it up and thank me later! 

However, the second and plainly named item I ordered… WILL SHOCK YOU! #clickbait

First thing’s first, THE BEAST. A burger with BBQ sauce, sautéed onions, cheddar cheese, pickles… and the much needed ingredient to make it seem substantial, bacon.

The most important thing, as I learned from reading many a FGFB post before I joined in, is the preparation of the only supplemental ingredient that would justify its name. This ingredient is, of course, the bacon, which was expertly cooked in my meal on at least two different occasions. The combo of crispy and chewy is surely enough to blow any so-called connoisseur of this sweat meat treat right into the middle of Mass Ave, to be quickly run down by an indifferent bus driver.

Everything else in the Beast fulfilled its expected it role in a satisfactory manner except for the sparing use of BBQ sauce. This is the second review in a row I've had to critique lacking condiments, but if there's no sauce on the table or at least packets in the bag, it's totally justified.

Which leaves the unexpected usurper to the Mainely Burgers claim o’ fame- grab something stable- BRUSSEL SPROUTS.

That’s right haters! Leave your ill-conceived notions in the 90’s cartoons your feeble belief system was conceived in! Doug Funnie and I will look upon your helpless husks and cackle! YOUR WRAITHS ARE DOOMED TO HAUNT A CROOKED PAST FOR ALL ETENTINTY, NEVER TO SEE THE FRUITS OF TRUTH TO BE BORN PAST THE INCEPTION OF YOUR WICKEDNESS!

Much like the Loch Ness, aliens, and Bigfoot (sorry Josh), it’s time to lay this urban legend to rest because FINALLY and WE NOW HAVE IRREFUTABLE PROOF (gotcha there tho) that brussel sprouts, when prepared CORRECTLY, are A TOP TIER AND FGFB NOTEWORTHY VEGETABLE. Suck it kale! You've had your day, now go back to whatever San Francisco vegan bistro and weed dispensary you crawled out of. 

This gluten-free breadwinner (I assume? Who knows anymore) commands the delicious flavors of garlic, brown sugar, and one unseeingly yet unmistakable overpowering other. The distinct taste of soy sauce adds the necessary salinity to deem this veggie snack-worthy, and yet I feel it was too heavy-handed, and distracted too much from the distinct brussel sprout flavor that distinguishes this snack from any other lightly-fried green vegetable. That being said, these were absolutely delicious, and I look forward to having them within walking distance on a lazy-afternoon workday then I do a hundred cheeseburgers.

The Beast: B-

While this was surely a well-crafted sandwich, it didn’t do enough to satisfy the savage urges one naturally feels when indulging upon a good-sized cow-puck. Two patties are an absolute must, which takes money from my wallet and points from my grade. However, all the usual flavor superstars come together to save the day, which left me with enough satisfaction to ward off buyer’s remorse.

Brussel Sprouts: A

Baby cabbages overshadowing meat is no small feat. This one truly earned the A.

Despite the slightly underwhelming burger, I’ll be headed to Mainely again soon. There’s a few other eye-catching items on their menu I’m keen to try- the Coop burger, their “truckmade” chips (we're supposed to believe a truck is driving these down daily?), and… here's another odd one- fried cauliflower?! Hey, like I said, they nailed the sprouts. Might as well see if they can glamour up another healthy food. My doctors would be so proud of me if I told them I ate two vegetables in the same week! 

Review by sl33zy

Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Have some suggestions for tasty vegetable restaurants in your hood? Never want to hear us talk about about a healthy food ever again? Just tryna fuck?

Well, here's how you can reach us:
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
EMAIL

Or leave us a comment below:

Limited Edition "Boo-tterscotch M&M's!

Well, it's summer, so obviously it's time for Halloween themed candy to drop. Just like in March, when there's still snow on the ground, it's the perfect time for Sam's Summer to grace the beer aisles.  Just like when Egg Nog hits your local grocer just in time for the holidays...later this month.  Yep, nothing is sacred anymore. Instead of being happy that we have seasons and holidays to look forward to, people just want to enjoy the parts of these times longer and earlier than ever. At this rate, in about ten years, people won't take down their Christmas trees at all anymore. They will just leave them up and the holiday season will no longer mean anything. But let's face it, there's no use getting upset about what other people do, right? I just stand my ground and never sip a Pumpkin beer until October first. Never let a Pumpkin Spice English Muffin cross my lips until I'm in the same month as Halloween. 

But when it comes to candy I have to review here, I guess I can make an exception! Our first Halloween candy review this year comes from M&M'S! You can bet your ass if there's a holiday coming that M&M's have some wild flavor to debut (Remember Candy Corn M&M's?) and they didn't disappoint this year! Let's take a look at White BOO-tterscotch M&M's! 

First off, I love the package. Huge Red M&M terrified of the BOO-tterscotch candies in front of him, while ghosts and bats fly around him. You'd be scared too!

You'll notice that they are colored in a strange manner. There's brown, a dark-ish yellow, which the painter in me wants to guess would actually be Yellow Ocre, and then there's...well...one that's kind of flesh colored. Which, is a little gross.

"I swear these aren't people flavored M&M'S!"

I do have to say, once you tear open the bag the room does fill up with a butterscotch smell. At first it's just an unknown sweet smell, but once you eat one of these your brain realizes what it is. I never would have suggested a butterscotch M&M in a million years, but they definitely nail the flavor here! They pretty much taste like the M&M version of butterscotch pudding. I think it's the white chocolate base they use, and in this case it directly made me think of that pudding flavor and texture once you crush up the candy coating. The weirdest part of this, is that I probably haven't had butterscotch pudding since I was a kid eating one of those little plastic cups out of my bag lunch. But the second you taste these it rushes back. It's like a fat kids version of a Vietnam flash back.

This gif was too perfect to pass up. 

So we can definitely confirm that they nail the flavor they were looking for. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they are great. I found that I liked these more than I expected, BUT unlike other flavors, I could only eat a small amount of these before I had to fold the bag over for later. The butterscotch flavor is pretty strong and I found them to get very rich after a certain amount. Unlike, say, Peanut Butter M&M's. I'm pretty sure I could just eat those until I died. Right up until the final second I would be pushing another one through my pursed lips. BOO-tterscotch? Not so much.

If you're a fan of Butterscotch, don't miss these. You'd absolutely love them. If you're like me, and have butterscotch so infrequently that you have pudding flashbacks to your childhood...you'll probably think these are just okay. But either way, you gotta applaud them for once again trying something new!

In the end I give BOO-tterscotch M&M's a solid C+. If I was a big butterscotch fan I'm sure it would be higher, but since there aren't even that many butterscotch flavored items out there on the shelves, I'm guessing the fan base might be small. That being said, these could be a hit at your Halloween party, so perhaps scoop up a bag and let them haunt your cupboard until it's time to don your costume and start partying.

Or hell, eat them right now and wash them down with some Egg Nog while basking in the glow of your Christmas lights. Screw tradition!

Review by Rich Brunelle, who once again resides on the East Coast, but for how long? Nobody knows!

Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Want us to review your stuff? Have some ideas for reviews? Want to be the one to tell us about the newest kind of Oreos/chips/ice cream/Fast food thingy? Want to send us pictures of your dog?

Well, here's how you can reach us:
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
EMAIL

BURGER KING: WHOPPERITO

Let's not fart around with this intro. BK deserves to take a royal walk of shame Cersei-style. And I'm just the Septa to take it on this stroll down shit avenue! No, it's not for sticking "-ito" on the end of "Whopper", although I do picture Peggy Olson crying into her pillow when I consider that marketing decision. It's for an offense much, much more serious than that.

WHERE ARE MY WHOPPER DOGS?!

Of course we know from the commercials the King is a diabolical sociopath, but this is some next level fuckery.

On the heels of the dismal review I had assigned to the Extra-Long Buttery Cheeseburger, I turned around and awarded the Whopper Dog an A+, the only item I've given that grade to in nearly a year of fair and balanced food-bloggery. And then, just before I could have a second bite, the King slapped it out of my hands and the Whopper Dog bit the dust.

DAMN IT, KING! YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE DOG HOUSE THEN YOU KICKED THE DOG OUT AND HEADED STRAIGHT BACK IN!

And as an extra flick in the nads, they left the regular grilled dog and chili cheese dog on the menu- they cut out Clint Eastwood and left us with The Bad and The Ugly!

            

Now, they roll out this so-called WHOPPERITO, just to rub salt in my wounds, and presumably some cumin and oregano as well.

Alright, alright. I've had my druthers and settled down a bit. To be honest, I was really quite excited to try out the Whopperito, but obviously the Whopper Dog left some big shoes to fill.

Basically, what I was picturing was the BK version of the McDonald's cheeseburger snack wrap from five years ago. Remember those little guys, before they came out with the whole big "healthy" McWrap with like cucumbers and fancy leaves and stuff? If I remember correctly, the first generation had three options: cheeseburger, and chicken (crispy/grilled). The chicken ones were legit, which led to its natural evolution, the aforementioned McWrap, but the cheeseburger one? All they did was take the contents of a McDouble and put them in a tortilla! Then they started getting real goofy about it- they did the Mac Wrap, the Angus Wrap, the Wrapper's Delight... it was a dark period of McDonalds history I refer to as to the Wrapture.

The Whopperito's promo picture had also left some ambiguity about what I was getting myself into. The white onions kind of looked like mayo, the tomatoes like ketchup, the cheese like mustard. And it gave no indication of the size. So I bought two, fully expecting to woof the little guy down in a few bites. 

DIOS MIO

Look at the size of this lump! This is exactly what my stomach would've looked like if BK had left the Whopper Dogs on the menu, stretch marks and all! And for $2.99?! Fair trade!

                                                 

I was immediately pleased at the first bite- nothing here but greasy ground beef accompanied by the strong taste of chili powder, which is pretty much how I make my burritos at home. My second bite revealed some crunchy white shit and some soggy red shit, which did more to vary the texture rather than the flavor, but there was bit of crunchy green shit that stood out (and it sure as shit wasn't lettuce). 

PICKLES

I don't know why, but I thought these pickles worked wonderfully- they cut through the single-note spicy beef flavor like Valyrian steel. Swing away, King Robert Burgeratheon! 

One minor goof here is a lack of sour cream. The spicy flavor comes from a condiment BK refers to as "creamy spicy sauce", but the former descriptor is severely lacking. I think there should be something else in the mix here besides the pickles to keep this beefy spice wad from being too uniform. Also, I didn't detect enough of that smokey chemical flavor to justify putting the word "Whopper" anywhere near this. On a side note, It'd be a neat experiment to try one of these with BK's stacker sauce instead of the creamy spicy one.

But all in all... crawl on out of the dog house, King. You can ride this review all the way back to the castle, because I'm giving you a B+. This spicy meat pocket (my nickname in HS) comes at a great price and its minor flaws could easily be covered up with a sour cream packet. Anybody hear ringing? Sounds like the Taco Bell death knell to me.

Review by Davos Sl33zworth

Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Want to us to review your favorite snack? Have suggestions for a more topical set of references?

If your answer is yes to any of the first two questions,
here's how you can reach us:

TWITTER

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

EMAIL

Hold onto your butts! OREO is back with Key Lime Pie & Choco Chip flavors

Oreo please! Just RELAX! It's too much! These days it seems like there's a new flavor of Oreo out every few weeks. And with word on the wind of the fabled Swedish Fish Oreos, Fat Guy Food Bloggers around the globe are simultaneously begging you to stop, whilst pleading for more. So as we pump the breaks, and bring you this Jurassic sized 2 cookie review, (just kidding, my reviews are picture heavy and sparse with any real content) sit back, relax, breathe, and let my mouth do the tasting for you.

As the blog title suggests, I'm about to review Key Lime Pie Oreo, and the little less grammatically pleasing, Choco Chip Oreo. Let's sit down and get what you think would be the lesser of the two out of the way, Key Lime Pie.

Peeling back the top of this cookie bag, the room flooded with that sweet, limey thickness that can only really be described as... Key Lime Pie. I'm convinced Oreo should team up with Bath & Body Works, get their lead scent designers together to infuse Oreo scented body washes/scrubs/lotions/candles/whateverthefuck, and become the worlds most profitable company.

I'm enjoying this graham cracker cookie base they have here, it has a warmth to it that feels familiar, and then when the lime and....key?....come together, it delivers a slight tartness to the back of your mouth, and smooth creamy graham in the front. Overall pretty enjoyable, and a cookie that could easily become someones favorite. Mine?

You'll have to keep reading.

Up next: Choco Chip Oreos. This should be a no-brainer. Chocolate Chip Oreos? Of course they're going to be absolutely stellar.

The smell that exploded out of this package wasn't as identifiable as the KLP's. Right away it led me to believe there might be some oddness to what these cookies might taste like.

At first taste, I was unimpressed with these. And after much deliberation, the shop and I decided it tasted odd, not by so much of it's own design, but by the fact we had just eaten the Key Lime Pie Oreos, and with that flavor still overwhelming the taste buds, it threw off how these actually tasted. Cookie misdirection.

So with a fresh mouth, I revisited these guys, and came to the conclusion that these really shouldn't be named Choco Chip Oreo, but maybe Cookie Dough. They had that creaminess that you'd expect, but when all the elements of the cookie were together, it tasted a lot like premade chocolate chip cookie dough out of the tube, instead of a full blown cookie. It wasn't bad, but I think the hype machine that was my brain, made me think these cookies were going to be much different.

In the end, I think both of these had their charms. Key Lime Pie, much like Jeff Goldblum, ended up outperforming the other actor on stage, and forced me to change my ideas of what my cookie expectations in the future might be. While not bad, Choco Cookie Oreos ended up not giving a performance of note, and just kind of act as a placeholder until the cookie guys can figure out just how to bioengineer them properly.

I give Key Lime Pie Oreo a B+

and Choco Chip Oreo a C. 

Review by Josh

Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Want us to review your stuff? Have some ideas for reviews? Want to be the one to tell us about the newest kind of Oreos/chips/ice cream/Fast food thingy? Want to send us pictures of your dog?

Well, here's how you can reach us:
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
EMAIL