Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The Burger King Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger!

Oh, Burger King. How the mighty have fallen. Back in the day, I remember only being able to make it a few days before devouring another delicious Stacker. I still remember its crispy bacon and creamy sauce like it was yesterday! It was like six years ago! But nowadays, the King is Dead. Long live the Queen (Wendy’s, obviously, this is not up for discussion). So the other night, Rich had posted about what I had interpreted to be a cheeseburger sub dipped in butter, served up by the deceased regent himself. I love butter and I love cheeseburger subs, so  I jumped on it! Because honestly, I want to love Burger King, I really do. They had the best marketing campaign of all time for a little while- a creepy King who scares you with cheeseburgers. Haha! You got me, King. Thanks for the burger. I’m gonna need my house key back tho. So, I really tried to like the Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger at Burger King, but it just sucked.


Yeah. It sucked. I could’ve bought two regular cheeseburgers for cheaper and just put them right next to each other. If you cut this burger in half, I think Burger King technically owes you money. What about the butter? Take out the “about the”. This shameful marketing technique had absolutely no butter whatsoever. I could’ve chewed on an empty milk carton and tasted more butter than this. Hell, I could’ve licked a seat at my local movie theater and tasted more butter! I could have a jar of air sent to me from the butter factory and opened it on the opposite side of the room and tasted more butter than this.


What’s wrong with you BK! Your burgers are like seven bucks of “why did I buy this?” I’m calling you out, King. You guys need to get your sh*t together! I waited in line for like twenty minutes behind what I thought was a live Bobby Shmurda music video to eat this crap. And now I have to write about it? Oh, I’m pissed.




Burger King Extra Long Buttery Burger: D+. If I wasn’t super hungry I’d have taken one bite of this burger and dropped it on the spot right there. Literally I would have left it on the floor of my own apartment for a few days just to remind myself of my foolishness.



That being said, I’m still rooting for you, King. I love an underdog story, who doesn’t? I believe in you. Let’s stop ripping off the Big Mac, bring back the King making people shit their pants in the middle of the night, and get back to what any restaurant should be in it for. Food like an art, not like a source of revenue.  How about doing something off the wall that isn’t you guys 3-D printing your buns in a different shape. What about just literally putting every ingredient on your menu into one burger? I saw in  Japan you guys are doing all kinds of crazy stuff (the Kuro, Windows 7 Whopper, etc.) Bring that crazy Japanese stuff over here!! I’d probably like that! Idk, I’m just spitballin’. Just trying to help, BK. You guys need it right now.


Review By Sl33zy

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3 comments:

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  2. I still don't understand why they took the Stacker off the menu. It was my favorite fast food burger, hands down. I get sad when I think about it...

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