On a very special FGFB...

Previously, on FGFB....



It's the holidays: Christmas is just a couple of short weeks away, houses and streets are decorated, and there's a festive spirit in the air. This time of year always reminds me of being a kid... Christmas is definitely a children's holiday... and luckily (or begrudgingly) some of us never grow up.




Until we have to.

Things change: friends come and go, relatives pass away, significant others pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night like we won't notice (you'll be back Karen!)... and sometimes it can be very hard. And worse than all of those things:

My favorite donuts are going extinct!



Now, these are not some little powdered numbers you get at the 7-11 when you stop for gas on a long drive. Oh nay nay. These donuts are a STAPLE of not only my childhood, but the region that I grew up in.




cue the Wonder Years theme song...





Leavitt's Country Bakery... family owned and operated for 44 years. Sadly, will be closing their doors for good on February 29th, 2020. This is a devastating blow to the population of my home town of Conway, NH... and everyone else who was in-the-know when visiting town. All of my pilgrimages back home never felt complete until I got a Leavitt's donut (or a dozen).




























Even to this day, Leavitt's Bakery is the only place I know where a dozen donuts is under $10. Sure, maybe Dunkin' Donuts is close in price, but not in quality, or size, or the love fried right in. And I mean unconditional love... not the fickle love of a cheating hussy named Karen.

Anyway, when I was living and working in Conway, I'd stop by every Saturday morning and get a dozen for me and my coworkers (especially that one piece of ass who looked like she'd never even smelled a carb in her life... she loved donuts).












Home of so many sweet treats, it'd be impossible to list them all and not leave someone's favorite out. Pies, cakes, fritters, and of course coffee and donuts. These confections have been on this green earth longer than the writer of this article; and are equally as doughy and sweet. I don't even think the aesthetic has changed in 40 years.





All I can say is that I'll sorely miss these sweet, chewy and caky (when they should be) homemade donuts. They've been as much a part of my life as anything has. They are perfect. I've tried donuts all over, everywhere I've traveled (see the FGFB review of NYC where I visited an artisan-hipster place called Dough, or in Chicago where I had an ice cream sandwich made with 2 glazed donuts)... nothing compares to Leavitt's Donuts... not even the ones my mother made in the fry daddy for me as a wee one.

And if that picture and my words aren't compelling enough, dig this, I posted a goodbye to Leavitt's Bakery on my own Instagram/ Facebook, and received more engagement, comments, reactions and reach than any other post I've ever created. My own simple tribute to a local family and their sugary gifts to the world sparked a revolution of love and sweet sadness for the loss of something so terrific. I just wish I could've done more.





The Leavitt's have done a lot for the community, beyond their family-owned business. They've touched so many people. And everyone who's tasted their goods is a life-long fan. Commenters stated they drive over an hour just for Leavitt's products. Everyone is saying the hard goodbye to a truly special business that will be missed more than they'll ever know. And as much as I admit they deserve their retirement, it's heartbreaking that there isn't a young relative to take the reigns and keep this one of a kind little shop in business.

  These donuts get 5 stars, an A++, 10/10  

Leavitt's Country Bakery

564 White Mountain Hwy

Conway, NH 03818

Please, if you are in their area, stop by and pay your respects to the end of an era. And do yourself a real favor and purchase 30,000 calories worth of baked goods. You won't regret it. And all I can say to the Leavitt's is this...

Review by Dave

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Vegetarian Burgers? The Fat Guys Do The Impossible (Whopper)!

As many a fat guy are want to do nowadays, I've toyed with vegetarianism. I'm no spring chicken (man, I could wreck a bucket of spring chicken right now), and I'm sure I have the cholesterol of a much older gentleman. Though I do have a soft spot for animals, my interest in the diet change actually had more to do with being healthy.



Admittedly, it was hearing a post-heart attack Kevin Smith on the Joe Rogan podcast, that got me thinking. He stated that even after he gave up sugar and lost a ton of weight, that it wasn't enough to stop his cardiac scare, and he "at best, postponed it for some years". That the only way to really clear your arteries is to go meatless.



Face to face with the concept of my own mortality, I decided it was time to make a change... and being shunned by the other FGFB writers be damned! For about a month I cut out most sugars (excluding natural sugars, such as fruit), most grains (such as bread), and went meatless (save for one bomb ass turkey sandwich which will most likely be a review in the future). There was a noticeable change, but more in my mental state (much happier, less anxious) and my energy level (I actually had some). I did notice some minor weight loss, but I'm starting to think the only way I'll ever look like The Rock is if someone leaves a wax statue of him out in the sun too long.




Though somewhat discouraged, I mostly stick to that similar diet, eating as little meat and carbs as I can muster the strength to avoid. However, much like any fatty in denial, I still treat myself several times per day for my efforts in being healthy. But, I do pay attention to what other people in this grotesquely vain society we live in are doing; and I kept hearing the phrase "impossible burger." And I realized, on one of my trips to use fast food to soak up the tears of self loathing that just won't stop falling from my eyes, that Burger King serves the Impossible Whopper!




Now, I must make a quick note here because I would expect that regardless of where my review goes from here, someone would mention "well maybe you had a lucky, or maybe you had a bad fast food experience! Not all BKs are as good as others!" And this is true. So, in the interest of quality control, I go to a Burger King that is not the closest to me, but one that has proved to be the most consistent in order accuracy, presentation and quality.

Also, I got the holy grail of order numbers...



Yup, and because I'm a CHILD when the woman at the counter said "Sixty-nine!" I made her repeat it three times, much to the entertainment of the dozen or so UberEats drivers chomping at the bit to get their to-go orders. *666 would've also been cool, but without an external speaker to blare some death metal, i'm not sure my iPhone would've cut the mustard in that scenario.






Okay, now on to this damn review. The presentation was decent. I went in actually optimistic. It truly did look like a real burger... I mean, the coloring was a little light compared to that of a good ol' fashioned charbroiled whopper, and though it's a bit hard to tell, it DID look a little too perfect... and shiny almost... like when you buy a rubber squeaky burger toy for your dog. It looked so much like a burger, it looked artificial.







Upon first bite, I went "Hmm... I'm impressed!" Texture and taste appeared to be damn close to a real beef burger. I couldn't believe it.



But as I ate on, something changed. The amount of lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, ketchup and mayo that topped this Impossible patty started to become more and more apparent... as if they were hiding something sinister.



The taste of the burger began to go sour, as did my stomach. I tried to soldier on, figuring "well, it IS all plant based, it can't be PERFECT... stop being a wuss." I really did try you guys. But in the end, I quit. I did not finish the last 1/3 of the Impossible Whopper. It sucks. I hate it. It's the vaping of burgers... it's unholy, unnecessary and doggone it, a waste of time and money!

This is not some meat-loving foodie bashing all things vegetarian... in fact, since cutting out most meat, I've noticed a great reduction in how often I experience heartburn. I'm trying to focus on keeping in that zone, because the effects are all positive. But if you want a plant-based veggie burger (no soy, i'm trying to shrink my man-bosoms, not make them more perky and full), I recommend running down to your local super market and picking up a box of these:



They're not pretending to bleed or taste like the real thing, but damnit they're edible, and with a little cheese and some russian dressing, you'll more than likely enjoy the little bastards.




To get that nasty garbage taste out of my mouth, thank god Burger King have lost their minds and decided to put $1 Tacos on the menu.



Now, are these the best Tacos ever? Nope. Are they better than Taco Bell? I think not. Are they still greasy and awful for you and delicious, yeah pretty much. They have that deep-fried shell, almost like a taquito from 7-11. And much like a 7-11 Taquito, they're best consumed when you're drunk and need to launch a pre-emptive strike on a hangover. However, that being said, it wasn't bad getting the taste of the IMPOSSIBLE-TO-EAT burger out of my mouth.

I give the Impossible Whopper an F (as in FU)

I give the BK Taco a B (as in B careful how many you consume)

Review by Dave






Yo! Wanna get at your favorite Food Blog Fat Guys? Want us to review your stuff? Have some ideas for reviews? Want to be the one to tell us about the newest kind of Oreos/chips/ice cream/Fast food thingy? Want to send us pictures of your dog?

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