FGFB New Years Chinese Food Spotlight: Highland China House. Rochester, NH

What witty play on words or what hilarious gif can I insert here to knock the final Chinese food spotlight out of the goddamn park? You're not sure? I am. And you'll see both in my absolutely riveting review of Highland China House, located in East Rochester, NH.

Let's get started.

You'll be shocked to know, that as a freelance artist, I'm not a man of means. So, when choosing my selection for this review, price was definitely ringing around inside my brain like the loose change in my pockets. The Highland China House is like any other hole in the wall Chinese food strip mall establishment, with one glaring difference, which I'll fill you in on momentarily. I've been coming here for years. Watched the small children grow from babies taking their first wiggly steps in the corner, to preteens watching cartoons on ipads, in the corner. The HCH is small, and on NYE, crowded as hell. So me and the lady grabbed a bag moderately filled with food, and popped on the television for some GODDAMN AMERICAN Holiday festivities.

If science could replace my blood with Lo Mein noodles, I'd be jamming my arm in between two boulders and would be feasting on it for the next 127 hours.

It's odd that Chinese food has developed this symbiotic relationship with itself where noodles or rice has to be present despite the vast amount of award winning cast members throughout the menu.
HCH Lo Mein is stellar, not that greasy, and doesn't have that weird half plastic aftertaste that I've found some cheap Chinese places have. It provides an excellent appetizer vehicle, in which exotic meats can safely be delivered into my mouth.
 

The chicken fingers here were oddly thin. The batter, crispy, but within a small wedge of meat, although tasty, leaves you wanting MUCH more. I'm sad I only got a smaller order of these, but if you'll remember the whole change jingling bit I did above....but yeah! Don't shortchange yourself and get a large. Odd at first, but that may in fact be the beauty of them.

Crab Rangoons often times make of break whether or not I'll visit a Chinese place again. Highland China House has probably the best recipe for Crab Rangoons within a 50 mile radius of Rochester, NH. Crispy and sweet, the cream cheese that is encased within this fried wonton is not as thick as you'd imagine. Perfect in it's simplicity.

Another tried and true staple of Chinese cuisine, Beef Teriyaki. Now, these guys, these....are a little odd. Presented well, the meat tastes slightly over processed and segments off the stick really easily. It tastes decent, but not great, not horrid, and just leaves you with a slight uneasiness. The teriyaki sweetness is a like someone dipped their finger in a bowl of really good teriyaki sauce, then took that finger, and then rubbed it all around the outside of your lips.

it's there, you want to taste it, but it's nowhere near strong enough.

I obviously went with the most basic of meals for Highland China House, and if an extablishment can't get what is the absolute basics down, how would they fair if you decided to get a little more adventurous? I think, in HCH's case, they do farely damn well. The food, slightly greasy but doesn't leave your stomach in knots, they excel in some areas, lack in others, but one thing about HCH that we have to keep in mind: They aren't gross. 99% of the small hole in the wall chinese eateries are downright awful, and with that knowledge, it is refreshing to see a place take pride, taking the high road, NAY, the HIGH LAND, and reflect that pride in their product. I'm glad they're around.

I give the Highland China House a
B. 

-Review by Josh

 

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FGFB New Years Chinese Food Spotlight: Pink Bamboo Hot Pot Cafe in Portsmouth, NH!

Chinese food is like pizza. Most of it is average but still satisfying, unless it is particularly fantastic or particularly nauseating (although, in both cases they can be at the time fantastic and later nauseating, especially if you have a tendency to eat it in the quantities that I do).  But in my opinion, the biggest difference is if you find yourself craving it on Jesus’ birthday, you’re SOL with pizza unless it was previously cold. So when we were brainstorming ideas in our weekly meeting at the Fatcave, the inspiration of a post-holiday Chinese food review struck me like the minute hand touches 12. That was intended to be a clock pun but whatever, you try of thinking of something being striking besides lightning.

Having a short window of time in my hometown of Portsmouth, NH, and not willing to be stuck (not struck) waiting for a table at a restaurant the weekend after a holiday, I decided to revisit a classic establishment I’d often enjoy after long shifts as a hotel front desk clerk in the very same city. That is, before I moved to the bigger city for an opportunity to make myself miserable in an environment crammed with approximately 500,00 more people. But my despair was welcomingly vanquished when I walked into what is quite possibly the most hidden gem of downtown Portsmouth, the Pink Bamboo Hot Pot Cafe on Penhallow St. Now try not thinking of what the minute hand touches every time I say Pink Bamboo.

Name jokes aside, I knew the Bamboo would be a great contrast to the disappointing experience I recently had during my last experience as a reviewer for the blog . In that, I was not wrong. The Pink Bamboo is a very clean, almost sterile restaurant with only few of the cultural knick-knacks that you’d frequently find in a typical Chinese restaurant.

Despite my appreciation of the atypical, I decided to go with a standard appetizer platter to maximize my exposure to the food and minimize the damage to my wallet (Christmas ain’t cheap). My selection was a platter that included three sticks of beef teriyaki, five chicken fingers, and four crab rangoons for a reasonable $9.95. It was a pretty nice day out so I ordered my food to go so I could take it to the park down the street. Also partially to get myself away from a possible second Scorpion Bowl because it’s important to be an unbiased reviewer (read: not drunk before 1pm).

I went for the chicken fingers first. They were good, but not the highlight of the meal. They were had a great crunch on the outside and were starchy between the meat and fried outer shell with an oily taste. The meat was thoroughly cooked. I was impressed that the chicken didn’t slide out of its fried casing 5 out of 5 times, an unfortunate common issue I’ve found time and time again at lesser Chinese restaurants.

I then moved on to the beef teriyaki. These were absolutely the star of the show, like the best beef jerky you’ve ever had but much better. I truly savoured every bite of these strips of paradise, which was tricky because of how fast I was inclined to eat them. They had a flavor of garlic and red pepper. Truly fantastic.

That left me with the rangoons, which were a delightful treat. The fried wonton shell was crispy where it should be, with a delightful crunch on the outer edges. The center was softer, almost a fried packet of cream cheese. I barely detected the taste of imitation crab, which again, at times with Chinese food can be overbearing. Overall, I found the combination of oily wonton and cream cheese to be buttery and delicious.

Then I got a message from my pal, Nick. I told him I was downtown sampling some food for the site, and he decided to come down and check it out with me. Time for my second Scorpion bowl, and the best item I had there all day. It was the pork fried rice and it was absolutely grand. The pork and onions were sweet, chives and bean sprouts added a flavorful crunch. There’s no way I’m not immediately going to get this dish every single time I come to Portsmouth. So damn good.

Pink Bamboo Hot Pot Cafe of Penhallow St, Portsmouth- you got the easy A. It was my pleasure to review this exceptional restaurant. This isn’t just some great Chinese place, it’s easily one of Portsmouth’s top five eateries- and Portsmouth has no shortage of eateries. But the next time you’re there, don’t get distracted by some place expensive place on Bow St. Go find Pink Bamboo, and the next thing you’ll be doing is thanking me.

For more info about Pink Bamboo, check out their website: http://www.pinkbamboocafe.com/ , and be sure to LIKE their Facebook page! https://www.facebook.com/PinkBambooHotPotCafe/?fref=ts

Review by Sl33zy

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FGFB NEW YEARS CHINESE FOOD SPOTLIGHT: Lona’s Lil Eats in St. Louis

When I think about Chinese food two things come to mind: the culturally insensitive yet hilarious scene from A Christmas Story at the Bo Ling Chop Suey restaurant and tasty fried chicken pieces swimming in sweet and sour sauce. Americanized Chinese food is all I’ve known and it’s helped me through some tough spots. It’s a great comfort food. When I’m sick I always order an extra spicy General Tso’s to clear out my system. Not pretty but effective.


Most St. Louis Chinese restaurants taste the same so I thought I’d review a bona fide authentic spot called Lona’s Lil Eats. Don’t let the cutesy name fool you, their food will still put you in a warm and fuzzy food coma (AKA the itis.)

You need to get here early. On a recent Wednesday night around 6PM nearly all the tables were filled. On a weekend you’ll be waiting in a line that might spill out onto the sidewalk. As you’ll see, it’s worth the wait.

The setup is simple. You pick a protein-STEAK, CHICKEN, SHRIMP or tofu for people who hate themselves. Then you pick your meat carrier-a flour tortilla or rice paper. I’ve tried both and I prefer the tortilla, the rice paper wrap’s texture is a bit too slimy for me. There’s a few more options for extra fillings but for me it’s all about the special sauce you can choose. The spicy sesame is killer. It’s made from scratch and has that perfect balance of heat so you’re not grasping for water after every bite.

That’s my friend’s order. She got the same thing I did albeit with a different side. That spicy eggplant is serious business.

My order with some mystery greens and a $3 Busch tallboy. Sans bearded hipster.

This is a genuine pose and how I usually eat. With gusto.

Lona’s, thanks to a ton of positive word of mouth and local reviews, is always busy and rightfully so. It’s reasonably priced, the portions are huge, and they only use fresh ingredients. I like that the space is versatile, go there with friends or a date or just pick up some take-out.

I’m off to double-fist some crab rangoon to get all this healthy-ish food out my system. 

-Mark

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FGFB NEW YEARS CHINESE FOOD SPOTLIGHT: Golden City in Seattle!

We're kicking off the new year by having each of us write a review of a Chinese restaurant in our areas! We realized that for many, getting a ton of Chinese food and staying at home has replaced going out to bars and dodging drunk drivers on New Years Eve. So we thought we'd each try a different spot in a different state and report back! Well, we're starting in the upper left side of the good ol' U.S. of A in Seattle with Rich! 

Many of you know that I moved out here from the east coast a year ago. What you might now know, is that Chinese food simply IS. NOT. AS. GOOD. On the west coast. I know, I know, bombard me with the argument that it's "MORE AUTHENTIC", and "NOT AMERICANIZED" all you'd like. I heard these stories of sub par Chinese food and didn't quite understand until the first time I tried to order it and didn't see the classic staples I had known all my life. No chicken fingers?! No teriyaki sticks? No boneless spare ribs? I was like: 

But luckily we tracked down a place that has a handful of great items and we if we're smart about ordering we can tweak their menu a little bit to make it more what we want. Golden City in Ballard is that place! Located at 5518 20th ave in Seattle, it's nestled right in the middle of Ballard. There's a bar attached that I have never been in. The inside is your traditional decor. I know they do a ton of takeout, but I rarely see anyone sitting down eating inside. I would have gotten a picture of the outside but when we got the food it was already dark out. Rookie mistake right?

This year we started with an order of Crab Cheese Wonton...known on the East Coast as CRAB RANGOONS! 

The Crab Cheese Wontons at Golden City are pretty damn great. Their shell is very crispy all around and in the middle there's a blob of weird cream cheese goo just like we all enjoy. I find both the cream cheese and crab flavors to not be as prominent as in Chinese places back east, but they are still awesome, despite having NO DUCK SAUCE TO DIP THEM IN. Yes, that's another issue. Every restaurant out here has that terrible red sweet and sour sauce instead of duck sauce. At least the ones I have come into contact with. But duck sauce aside, these bad boys get a thumbs up from me. 

Next up...ALMOND CHICKEN without the sauce, aka: CHICKEN FINGERS (kinda). 

What we found here is that there's no way we've found to order just chicken like this. They are sort of like mini Chinese chicken fingers. Instead they come as Almond chicken covered in a sauce that looks like something a goblin would have puked up in an 80's horror movie. The trick is, you order it with the sauce on the side and you're left with a batch of golden, crispy chicken fingers that are damn good.

Then we also got some veggie Lo Mein. With the rest of the meal being pretty meat-heavy, it only made sense to get a bunch of noodles and vegetables, right? RIGHT?

As far as Lo Mein goes, it was par the course. Noodles, lots of big veggies and that familiar sauce. It was good, but probably the least memorable part of the meal. A little less broccoli might have made this better. Can we all agree that cooked broccoli taste a little bit like farts? I think we can. Less of that in my meal, the better.

But the main event of this Golden City feast was the General Tao's chicken. This stuff is spectacular. It's made with a different batter than the chicken fingers. This one seems a bit tougher to stand up against the sauce that the pieces are drowning in, and that's a good thing. Each bite has just the right bit of crunch, and the sauce is out of this world. Borderline too spicy after you've eaten a bunch, but also very sweet and tangy. There's what seems to be razor thin slices of garlic in here too and each one bursts with flavor. This is right up there with my favorite "Generals" chicken ever.

For all those out there who may not believe the legend that West Coast Chinese food is lacking, I can tell you that at least up here in Seattle, I haven't found and equivalent to back home in New England.  But I'm glad to have found Golden City to quench my thirst for crab rangoons when it gets too intense. Ahem, Crab Cheese Wontons, sorry.

But if you find yourself in Ballard and are looking for some damn good General Tao's Chicken, head on into Golden City and that and a side of Crab Cheese Wontons will be sure to make you leave happy. Check out their website for more info!
http://www.goldencityseattle.com/

Stay tuned for three more Chinese food restaurant reviews coming up next!

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