Totino's BOLD: Jalapeno Popper & Buffalo Style Chicken Rolls!!

As the resident FGFB slob who somewhat embarassingly still eats Totino's Pizza Rolls fairly regularly, buying their last new offerings was a no-brainer.  Even though the Cheesy Garlic flavor was the only one really worth getting again, I still was pretty happy that Totino was finally trying out some new flavors. 

Being a spice wimp, their new Jalapeno Popper Rolls and "Buffalo Style Chicken Rolls" worried me a bit. But much like I suck up Totino's Pizza Rolls, I sucked it up and bought both bags. What follows are my thoughts. 

First off, I love the bag. The L is a lightning bolt! What better way to say a snack is bold than by having it ELECTROCUTE YOU?! And there's fire, whacky fonts, great color choices, etc. 

However, inside the bag lived the same old weird creation a Totino's Pizza Roll is. And I cooked them too much.

As someone who isn't huge on the jalapeno but still loves a good jalapeno popper from time to time, these were sadly pretty disappointing. A jalapeno popper is good not because it's a hot pepper with crunch- it's good because it's a hot pepper mixed (at least in every one I've ever had) with cream cheese, cheddar cheese, or a mix of the two. They end up being a wonderful mix of spice, crunch and creamy, cheesy deliciousness.

These were basically chopped up peppers with a fairly tasteless white cheese that is a lot like the more gooey cheese from the Cheesy Garlic edition, only not very flavorful. So they end up just being gooey squares of heat that have that weird grassy jalapeno flavor that sometimes shows up (like it did in these chips).  

I tried them solo, with ranch, with BBQ sauce, and with blue cheese, and in every version, they tasted just as blah. They just had that weird fake cheese goo, and grassy and then very hot jalapeno flavor. I'm sorry Totino, but you blew it on these ones. 

D-

Let's see how "Buffalo Style Chicken Rolls" are.

Man, that's just a weird title. Why didn't they just call them buffalo chicken rolls? And how weird of a term is "chicken rolls"?? These had a nice Frank's Red Hot tie in though, and I've been realizing more and more how much I like buffalo stuff lately, so I was still pretty excited.

so much so that I actually cooked them right!

After burning my mouth on the first two, then letting them sit even longer (how do these things hold heat like that?!), they tasted about like what I thought they would. And they were hot.

#foodgore

There seemed to be something missing though, as they felt like they were pretty much just pizza rolls with chicken and a ton of buffalo sauce. And nobody likes that. So I did what I should have done before I even tasted these and dipped them in blue cheese. They were instantly better, so I decided to go one step beyond and make buffaque rolls. 

I grabbed one of my favorite BBQ sauces and decorated...

then dipped again. 

Better. 

But something was still off. What was missing? I thought of the other pizza rolls, I thought of the Michelina's buffalo rolls that came first and how I used to eat them... 

...covered in cheese.

CHEESE. There was nowhere near enough cheese in these chicken rolls. And not only that, if you look closely on the bag, it says "cheese substitute." Shame.

So I decided to step it up and make a small plate of these a much better way.

THAAAAAAT'S better. 

But you know what? Look at how hard I tried to like these. I had to cover them in BBQ sauce, cheese and blue cheese, and eat them chopped up with a fork in order for them to be "pretty good." So I guess if I'm being honest, these aren't very good. There's simply too much hot sauce, and it's too hot. There's no cheese and very little chicken. I guess if you love to have your mouth burn with no real redeeming qualities to make the burn worth it, these will be perfect for you. Otherwise, if you're like me, these are just ok. 

C-

The bottom line: Good try Totino's, but you pretty much blew it on these. The jalapeno poppers are just grassy heat with flavorless cheese, and the buffalo ones are ok, but generally fairly blah as well and, once again, too hot. I guess I'm not BOLD (pretend there's a lightning bolt) enough to eat these. 

-review by Mike

Ben & Jerry's Limited Batch: PINA COLADA!

Most times when we visit the freezer section of any grocery store, chances are we are there to see if Ol' Ben & Jerry have anything new for us to try. I'll admit, I saw the Pina Colada flavor once and didn't buy it. I think my thought process was something along the lines of, "Fruit? WITH NO CHOCOLATE, CANDY, OR NOUGAT? NOT INTERESTED." Which is pretty ridiculous because I'm a huge fan of both coconut and pineapple and I love a good pina colada as much as the next guy. But my fat guy brain was locked in candy mode, so I walked away without it. But then over the next week we got so many tweets, emails and facebook messages about trying it, that I had to go back and get one, because the fans demanded it! Ladies and Gents, I give you...BEN AND JERRY'S LIMITED BATCH: PINA COLADA! 

It has quite the simple description. Coconut Ice Cream with Pineapple Chunks. That's it. When I cracked open the pint I was quite underwhelmed. There wasn't a delicious aroma. There wasn't anything cool to see. Honestly it looked pretty boring! Almost like a flat, snow covered landscape.

Booooooooring.

But who cares what it looked like, the real question is how did it taste?! Well the answer is, really, really good. The coconut ice cream is fantastic. It's creamy and flavorful with little tiny flecks of coconut in it. I was worried about the flavor being subtle but it was not in the least. That paired with the explosion of sweet pineapple flavor when you found a chunk of it, teamed up to make one hell of a positive ice cream experience. I easily could have taken this pint down in one sitting but I forced myself to make it two. Yes I know there are supposedly more than two servings, I just don't give a damn.

You can kinda see some pineapple if you look real close!

I think this ice cream is a great summer treat. If there's a time where you want to take a break from ice creams loaded with caramel, fudge or candy pieces, you might want to give it a try. It's fruity and sweet, and definitely surprised me by how much flavor it had. Being a limited batch, I plan on taking a trip back to the grocery store this weekend to stock up before they are gone. I suggest you do the same thing.
I give Ben & Jerry's Pina Colada limited batch ice cream a B+!
Now how about you dudes make Coconut 7 Layer Bar available in stores rather than just at the factory in Vermont!

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Wendys Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger!

Recently we began hearing rumors of Wendys launching a burger that strayed from the norm. It was said that it would come on a pretzel bun...and immediately our inbox's starting filling with requests from our readers that we try this thing as soon as humanly possible. Before this I have only ever seen a burger with a pretzel bun and that's at Paddys in Newington, NH. Theirs is tremendous so it had us all wondering how this fast food version would live up.  Then Wendys debuted their Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger, and we knew that it was our destiny to face this beast in the arena. Especially after we got messages like the one from our pal, @freaksoda on twitter who deemed this, "the best fast food burger I have ever had." With praise that high we knew there was only one thing to do, hop in the Fatguyfoodblog mobile and head to our nearest Wendys to try...

The Wendys Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger! 

Since Mike was off adventuring, we needed to call upon our old pal Heath, who from time to time joins the crew to write reviews. You may remember him from his review of the Birthday Cake Oreos. He's always up for a challenge so he jumped at the chance to face this burger head on and live to tell about it.

Sweet and Smoky Honey Mustard, Applewood smoked bacon, melted cheddar cheese and two slabs of beef on a soft pretzel bun. So how did it measure up?

RICH: I have to say, I loved this burger. The pretzel bun was soft and chewy, the bacon was perfectly cooked, the burgers were huge and the sweet and smoky honey mustard was out of this world. It mixed with the melted cheddar cheese and was just a really interesting sweet flavor. I was pretty blown away with every bite.

JOSH: I can't argue with you there Rich. I also thought that the flavors crescendo'd into an elegant ballet of flavors upon the tongue! That Sweet and Smokey Mustard should be available on every burger.

HEATH: As a man who prefers his food with a limited amount of flavor, I enjoyed this beast buck naked! I went with a double patty, with only cheese and bacon and none of the other stuff on there. It's called a Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger goddammit and that's all I wanted! I ordered a double, got a single instead. When I asked them about the missing patty, they gave me another one in a separate tray to take back and assemble the burger myself! 

JOSH: How do you not like taste?! You make me sick and I'm glad they messed up your order.

RICH: You should have demanded a completely new burger. Or money back. With a line like, "If I'm gonna build the damn thing myself, I best be gettin' paid, ya hear?"

JOSH: The one and only problem I had with this burger, which may in fact be the king of fast food restaurant burgers, was how the pretzel bun acted as a giant grease trap. With the new "Hot 'n' Juicy burgers being insanely greasy, and now this pretzel bun addition, I think Wendy's has officially went into Full On F*ck It Mode™ and stopped caring about the amount of grease that pours out of their burgers. Now, the question is, do I care? Do I join Wendy's new attitude and dump em out going 90 on the back of a Harley? YUP. This Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger is outstanding and if this is how it needs to be, then hey, I'm all in.

HEATH: I think it had the perfect balance of grease to meat. Nothing wrong with getting a little dribbled on your chin! If you stripped it down you might have not had that problem!

JOSH:  That makes no sense!

RICH: I really didn't notice any grease problem with mine at all. My problem was that I ordered it a DOUBLE with two patties and by the end of it I had all I could do to finish. Now don't get me wrong, I did finish it, because I wouldn't want some FGFB fan to see us out in the wild and then think I'm some sort of fake for not finishing a burger. But damn. It really was tough! Maybe I'll try it single next time. But there will definitely be a next time.

Josh: you could grease a bikers hair for a week with this!

In the end we all agreed that this burger was really, really good. Perhaps even the greatest fast food burger ever. Despite that, there were a few small complaints, Josh thought it might be a little too greasy, Rich got wimpy and thinks it might be better with a single patty rather than double, and Heath liked it stripped down. They all agreed that the bun was fantastic and that restaurants should do away with all other buns and switch to pretzel buns from now on. Together they give the Wendys Pretzel Cheeseburger a CFR(Combined Fatguyfoodblog Rating) of A-!


As always, feel free to drop us a line at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com with any questions, comments, or ideas for reviews! Don't forget to follow us on Twitter for mini reviews & junk food news, and LIKE us on Facebook to keep up with all our crazy antics!

The girl working the counter at the local Wendys asked if she could get a picture of us. Then we had to do autographs. But we gladly do it for our adoring fans! 

RUFFLES MAX: FLAME GRILLED STEAK FLAVORED POTATO CHIPS!

Any man likes a good steak. Even if you aren't the kind of guy who orders a steak often, when you do find those times where you are presented with a choice cut of meat, you can appreciate it. Most times you'll even be nodding as you're chewing, with your brow furrowed, and after finally swallowing your bite you'll say, "Man, I should order steak more often." Or perhaps you're the kind of guy who orders or grills up steaks multiple times a week and can't get enough. Bottom line here is that if you're a man, you should have an appreciation for steak. If you don't, I hate to break it to you, but you probably aren't much of a man. Ladies? I can't nail you down on this one. The female sex seems to be all over the place when it comes to steak. 

But for those ladies & gents who enjoy a good steak, Ruffles has rolled out a new limited edition flavor of chips...JUST FOR YOU!

Meat flavored chips?!

I have to admit, when people started spotting these in the wild and suggesting we review them, I was a little weary. We've tried every "Meat" flavored chip out there and it's rare that the flavor wizards can get it right. It usually just ends up tasting like some weird kind of bologna. So how did these measure up?

Lots of good size chips, I approve. 

 Well the first thing we do when we crack open a bag of chips is smell them. These have a very distinct scent. I immediately thought they smelled like some sort of dog food or treat. I still do. I think it must be whatever fake meat flavoring they used in these is similar to something often used to flavor dog treats. This might be enough to make the feint of heart stay away from these. But not the Fatguyfoodblog crew. We are shy away from no snack challenge. So, we dug right in, and you know what? By God these chips taste like FLAME GRILLED STEAK! They somehow capture the smoky flavor of steak right off the grill and have a great meaty tang to them. It's actually quite amazing how spot on it is. It's a great bold flavor, to live up to the MAX name. There's really no other way to put it though. That picture on the bag? That's what these taste like. A juicy, char grilled slab of meat.

Them spices mean flavor! 

In the end I'd say that Ruffles has definitely done a great job nailing this flavor. Is it a flavor of chip that I would buy all the time? Doubtful. Would I buy another bag of these? Yup! Maybe I'm just a guy craving a steak but there isn't one around. Perhaps a handful of these bad boys would hold me over until real steak can be consumed? Either way, if you are lucky enough to score a bag of these limited edition treasures, go for it! You won't be sorry. Unless you are one of those weirdos that don't like steak.

I give Ruffles Max: Flame Grilled Steak Chips a solid B!

As always, feel free to drop us a line at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com with any questions, comments, or ideas for reviews! Don't forget to follow us on Twitter for mini reviews & junk food news, and LIKE us on Facebook to keep up with all our crazy antics!


Review By Rich