FGFB NEW YEARS CHINESE FOOD SPOTLIGHT: Lona’s Lil Eats in St. Louis

When I think about Chinese food two things come to mind: the culturally insensitive yet hilarious scene from A Christmas Story at the Bo Ling Chop Suey restaurant and tasty fried chicken pieces swimming in sweet and sour sauce. Americanized Chinese food is all I’ve known and it’s helped me through some tough spots. It’s a great comfort food. When I’m sick I always order an extra spicy General Tso’s to clear out my system. Not pretty but effective.


Most St. Louis Chinese restaurants taste the same so I thought I’d review a bona fide authentic spot called Lona’s Lil Eats. Don’t let the cutesy name fool you, their food will still put you in a warm and fuzzy food coma (AKA the itis.)

You need to get here early. On a recent Wednesday night around 6PM nearly all the tables were filled. On a weekend you’ll be waiting in a line that might spill out onto the sidewalk. As you’ll see, it’s worth the wait.

The setup is simple. You pick a protein-STEAK, CHICKEN, SHRIMP or tofu for people who hate themselves. Then you pick your meat carrier-a flour tortilla or rice paper. I’ve tried both and I prefer the tortilla, the rice paper wrap’s texture is a bit too slimy for me. There’s a few more options for extra fillings but for me it’s all about the special sauce you can choose. The spicy sesame is killer. It’s made from scratch and has that perfect balance of heat so you’re not grasping for water after every bite.

That’s my friend’s order. She got the same thing I did albeit with a different side. That spicy eggplant is serious business.

My order with some mystery greens and a $3 Busch tallboy. Sans bearded hipster.

This is a genuine pose and how I usually eat. With gusto.

Lona’s, thanks to a ton of positive word of mouth and local reviews, is always busy and rightfully so. It’s reasonably priced, the portions are huge, and they only use fresh ingredients. I like that the space is versatile, go there with friends or a date or just pick up some take-out.

I’m off to double-fist some crab rangoon to get all this healthy-ish food out my system. 

-Mark

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FGFB NEW YEARS CHINESE FOOD SPOTLIGHT: Golden City in Seattle!

We're kicking off the new year by having each of us write a review of a Chinese restaurant in our areas! We realized that for many, getting a ton of Chinese food and staying at home has replaced going out to bars and dodging drunk drivers on New Years Eve. So we thought we'd each try a different spot in a different state and report back! Well, we're starting in the upper left side of the good ol' U.S. of A in Seattle with Rich! 

Many of you know that I moved out here from the east coast a year ago. What you might now know, is that Chinese food simply IS. NOT. AS. GOOD. On the west coast. I know, I know, bombard me with the argument that it's "MORE AUTHENTIC", and "NOT AMERICANIZED" all you'd like. I heard these stories of sub par Chinese food and didn't quite understand until the first time I tried to order it and didn't see the classic staples I had known all my life. No chicken fingers?! No teriyaki sticks? No boneless spare ribs? I was like: 

But luckily we tracked down a place that has a handful of great items and we if we're smart about ordering we can tweak their menu a little bit to make it more what we want. Golden City in Ballard is that place! Located at 5518 20th ave in Seattle, it's nestled right in the middle of Ballard. There's a bar attached that I have never been in. The inside is your traditional decor. I know they do a ton of takeout, but I rarely see anyone sitting down eating inside. I would have gotten a picture of the outside but when we got the food it was already dark out. Rookie mistake right?

This year we started with an order of Crab Cheese Wonton...known on the East Coast as CRAB RANGOONS! 

The Crab Cheese Wontons at Golden City are pretty damn great. Their shell is very crispy all around and in the middle there's a blob of weird cream cheese goo just like we all enjoy. I find both the cream cheese and crab flavors to not be as prominent as in Chinese places back east, but they are still awesome, despite having NO DUCK SAUCE TO DIP THEM IN. Yes, that's another issue. Every restaurant out here has that terrible red sweet and sour sauce instead of duck sauce. At least the ones I have come into contact with. But duck sauce aside, these bad boys get a thumbs up from me. 

Next up...ALMOND CHICKEN without the sauce, aka: CHICKEN FINGERS (kinda). 

What we found here is that there's no way we've found to order just chicken like this. They are sort of like mini Chinese chicken fingers. Instead they come as Almond chicken covered in a sauce that looks like something a goblin would have puked up in an 80's horror movie. The trick is, you order it with the sauce on the side and you're left with a batch of golden, crispy chicken fingers that are damn good.

Then we also got some veggie Lo Mein. With the rest of the meal being pretty meat-heavy, it only made sense to get a bunch of noodles and vegetables, right? RIGHT?

As far as Lo Mein goes, it was par the course. Noodles, lots of big veggies and that familiar sauce. It was good, but probably the least memorable part of the meal. A little less broccoli might have made this better. Can we all agree that cooked broccoli taste a little bit like farts? I think we can. Less of that in my meal, the better.

But the main event of this Golden City feast was the General Tao's chicken. This stuff is spectacular. It's made with a different batter than the chicken fingers. This one seems a bit tougher to stand up against the sauce that the pieces are drowning in, and that's a good thing. Each bite has just the right bit of crunch, and the sauce is out of this world. Borderline too spicy after you've eaten a bunch, but also very sweet and tangy. There's what seems to be razor thin slices of garlic in here too and each one bursts with flavor. This is right up there with my favorite "Generals" chicken ever.

For all those out there who may not believe the legend that West Coast Chinese food is lacking, I can tell you that at least up here in Seattle, I haven't found and equivalent to back home in New England.  But I'm glad to have found Golden City to quench my thirst for crab rangoons when it gets too intense. Ahem, Crab Cheese Wontons, sorry.

But if you find yourself in Ballard and are looking for some damn good General Tao's Chicken, head on into Golden City and that and a side of Crab Cheese Wontons will be sure to make you leave happy. Check out their website for more info!
http://www.goldencityseattle.com/

Stay tuned for three more Chinese food restaurant reviews coming up next!

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Wendys Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger & Bacon Fondue Fries!

Well, folks, 2015 has hit the bricks and 2016 has arrived! So we're kicking off the year in style with a review that has more bacon than your average review. That's right, we're tackling two bacon behemoths today from that little ol' burger joint we all know as Wendys. Up first? The Bacon Fondue Fries! 

Over the past couple years Wendys has been trying out this thing where they usually just take a bunch of stuff they already have laying around and slap them on fries. While that usually sounds good on paper, what we're left with most times is a plastic tray filled with soggy fries that are drowning in some weird cheese sauce. I was expecting much of the same from these. But before we get started, take a look at the picture above this text...now take a look at the picture below...

The top one is what my Bacon Fondue fries looked like. The bottom one is the picture off of their website. The Wendys closest to me might be the worst Wendys of all time. They are VERY lazy about everything they do. Crumbled bacon? AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT, JUST TOSS WHOLE SLABS ON THEM FRIES! I like huge pieces of bacon as much as the next guy, but come on! In this situation the bacon is supposed to be evenly distributed so you can have some in every bite. Terrible. Why not just put a whole tomato on my burger next time instead of a tomato slice? RIDICULOUS!

Anyway, the Bacon Fondue Fries are basically Wendys fries covered in a Swiss-Gruyere fondue cheese sauce and then "crumbled" Applewood smoked bacon.  The fries were a bit soggy as expected, but the fondue sauce was actually really tasty. Very creamy and interesting and it played well with the bacon too, once I took the slices off and cut them up myself. The cheese sauce alone was enough to make these destroy the Baconator Fries we reviewed recently. I have to say, I kind of hope that this loaded fries fad goes away soon, but in the mean time, if your Wendys actually breaks up the bacon, these are pretty tasty.

Next up is the Wendys Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger! They boast that it's aged Gouda, the same Swiss-Gruyere fondue sauce and applewood smoked bacon. But also to note, it's one patty (Of course you can add more if you'd like) and what seems like an entire bushel of greens. Needless to say, mine didn't look much like their promo picture...

See what I'm saying? That promo picture makes it look like the greatest burger of all time! But you can't fault them too much for this. Fast food is never going to look as pretty as it does in their commercials and promotional pictures. We know this, it's just fun to point out sometimes.

After I got done picking half a dozen massive leaf stems out of my burger, I finally dove in. For not being too impressed with how it looked, I have to say the burger itself is damn good! You already know my positive thoughts on that fondue sauce and mixing that with a slab of aged Gouda? Genius! I think my only problem was ordering it how it was and not adding a second patty. Seeing how huge it looked in the picture, I honestly figured it had two. I figured wrong. The only real things I would change here would be way less greens and another beef slab.

But other than those two things, this burger is  force to be reckoned with. Extremely cheesy and juicy. Lots of different flavors playing off of each other too. I would have to say it's my favorite Wendys Burger since they came out with those Hot & Juicy burgers back in 2011. But this makes those look like dollar menu junk! Get to Wendys before these are gone!

In the end I give the Bacon Fondue Fries and C+, soggy fries are never great, even if the sauce that's making them soggy is. Plus? Break up that bacon!

The Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger gets a B+. I would easily give it an A rating if there were less greens and a second beef patty. Still, this is an awesome burger. Get one today! For more info on both of these and many more of their items, check out Wendys.com!

If you've got an idea for a new FGFB review, please let us know! Restaurant? Candy bar? Burger? Ice cream? you know we try them all! Also if you're a company or restaurant who wants us to review your stuff, drop us a line!

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Jack in the Box Peppermint & Oreo Milkshake!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of our readers!  Our gift to you? A special CHRISTMAS DAY REVIEW from our friends at Jack In The Box! Today we take a moment from our holiday cheer to tell you about the new Jack in the Box Peppermint & Oreo Milkshake! 

That whipped cream is beautiful!

I was looking for a ice cold tasty treat while finishing up my shopping, so I swung by my local Jack in the Box and picked up one of these. Oreo? Peppermint? I LIKE BOTH OF THOSE THINGS! So how could I go wrong? 

Since the winter in Seattle means non-stop rain, I waited to crack into this cup full of holiday cheer until I got home. Well, that and I tried to take a sip and couldn't get one. I figured the straw was probably clogged with Oreo. This is an okay problem to have. 

But when I got it home, (along with the other items I purchased) I found something to be amiss...the straw wasn't just clogged, the shake was too thick to drink! Now I know a lot of people prefer this and like to eat them with a spoon. Me? Not so much. 

Almost popped something in my brain trying to take a sip!

So I let it sit for twenty mins and then it was perfect. It's just what you expect. A lovely mix of ice cream, peppermint and tons of crushed up Oreo cookie. How much? So much that my creepy little Santa was quite impressed by it. 

Creep Santa approves!

They definitely didn't hold back on loading this thing up with Oreo. Every single sip flooded my mouth with a cookies worth of Oreo chunks! From the outside of the cup I was worried because the ice cream hides the amount of Oreo quite well. But fear not, my friends! Not only that, but the Peppermint flavor was quite nice and distributed throughout the shake perfectly. 

The Jack in the Box Peppermint & Oreo Milkshake is only around for a limited time, and with today being Christmas Day, I wouldn't expect it around TOO much longer, so get out there and get one while you can. Apart from some initial problems with the shake thickness, after it melted a little bit, I enjoyed it! It's a great holiday treat. Unless you're outside spending time in the cold. I'm giving this shake a B+!

For more info on this and other great Jack in the Box offerings, go here: http://www.jackinthebox.com/

And while you're sitting there in a daze after opening a million presents and spending time with family and friends, perhaps you might think of something you'd love us to review! If this is the case, drop us a line! Here's where you can find us on that Internet thang:
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Soulfire BBQ in Allston, MASS!

Quite recently I was disturbed to see a review for a hoity-toity, highfalutin, what-in-tarnation-the-dang-heck-is-this vegetarian bistro on our site. I could barely bring myself to read it, afraid that some kind of traumatic brain injury had suddenly afflicted Josh that would only become more apparent as I read on. Before I did, I decided to head out to my local meat shack in sunny Allston, MA, in a hasty attempt to regain credibility with our dear readers. Later I actually read his review and was actually quite pleased to see its meager C- rating. I should’ve known Josh wouldn’t have let me down like that! But at least the experience got me out to try a place in my ‘hood I’ve wanted to try out for a few months now. Ladies and gents, I present Soulfire BBQ.

I’ll start by saying this- if this review sways you to check the place out, you need to walk to it on the side street behind it. Not only will you avoid the riff-raff on one of the grungiest streets of Allston, Harvard Ave, you can enjoy one of the most pleasant smells known to humanity; the entire neighborhood smells completely of smoked meat. For those of you who have no clue what Allston is (99% of our readers, which equals out to about 4.8 readers), it’s a neighborhood in Boston on the B branch of the Green Line, close to Boston University.

If you find yourself in the city looking for quality grub but less crowds, it really is a great place to check out. Soulfire BBQ sticks out like a sore thumb on Harvard Ave amongst the mind-bogglingly numerous Korean restaurants and dive bars. And as I said before, take the right streets to get there and you can Toucan Sam all the way there.

I looked over the menu, salivating as I looked over all of the tried-and-true BBQ classics- ribs, steak, wings, etc. Then I saw something that caught my eye. A Reuben sandwich. Stay with me here, folks. Not just any Reuben sandwich, a Reuben with an intriguing twist. It had all the necessities- marble rye, coleslaw, and thousand island, but in place of pastrami these crazy BBQ brains replaced it with brisket!!

Brisket on a Reuben sandwich? NOW THAT’S CRAAAAAAZAAAYY

I said to myself, hey, why not. I like Reuben sandwiches and I like brisket. And if that’s not fat enough for the FGFB I’ll start myself out with some FRIED MAC+CHEESE, a novelty food so delicious it should be renamed God’s Testicles. That’ll do the trick.

But these didn’t look like omnipotent testes at all, for they were SQUARE!!

SQUARE FRIED MAC AND CHEESE NOW I KNOW THIS PLACE IS KOOKY!!

Kooky it was, reader. Because when I bit in to that thing, I wasn’t instantly covered by the cheesy Charlotte’s Web I had imagined when I ordered it. No, no. Disappointingly in its place I found only macaroni with cheese so sparse you would’ve thought it was a dystopian era of cheese Prohibition! And the restaurant was right across from the old-tyme police station! And a time-travelling cheese bandit had broken down his time machine there and decided to hit the place while he was salvaging parts!

No queso, NO BUENO

But, being the resourceful gentleman I am, I decided to use the disappointing Mac squares as a vehicle for sampling the five BBQ sauces provided on our table. There emerged the real star of this show, a truly delicious BBQ sauce known only as “Pitboss”. And call the pitboss I did because I had hit the jackpot of BBQ sauces. This BBQ sauce was so good the time-travelling cheese bandit tasted it and decided to give up his queso-hunting career, broke his time machine, and become a server at Soulfire where he could eat it any day to his heart’s content. Yeah- it’s a really good BBQ sauce.

Then came out my Reuben. The brisket was juicy, flavorful, and tender, and was complimented quite well by the peppery-semi-sour coleslaw, and sauce Pitboss.

While it was a great sandwich, I really should’ve seen through this shallow facade before I ordered. There’s a reason why pastrami usually comes with pastrami, because it’s probably the best meat paired with the other elements. The brisket was great by itself but altogether, it just didn’t really belong.

I’m going to have to stick this Soulfire experience with a C+, the plus coming as a direct result of that really excellent barbecue sauce. Maybe if the fried mac was a bit more cheesy, I could’ve chalked up my Reuben disappointment to a poor ordering decision on my part. But, as what should’ve been an easy home run ended up being a ground-roll double, it left this reviewer skeptical of the restaurant’s other offerings. Alas, eat and learn.

Sl33zy

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Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy cookies!

Hot cocoa is kind of a weird flavoring that has gotten more and more popular over the past few years. I mean, as cocoa, it's always been popular, right? But recently we've seen companies make hot cocoa (or hot chocolate, whichever way you say it) start using this as it's own stand alone flavor. Edys has a hot cocoa ice cream, M&M's have a hot chocolate flavor, and even those gross marshmallow abominations, Peeps have a hot cocoa version. So it was only a matter of time before the cookie game got wise to this fad and so we find ourselves about to review the limited edition, Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy Cookies! 

First off, I'll be honest, like I am every time I get stuck reviewing Chips Ahoy cookies. They usually aren't that good. Come on! You all know it. They are weird little discs of sweet chemicals. No part of them taste like they actually came from food. But somehow they are still a popular name in cookies. People like weird fake stuff! Well, I'm sad to tell you, these really don't break the mold.

These are basically the same old chocolate Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies. BUT this time around they added some weird hot cocoa flavored cream in the middle, and in addition to chocolate chips, now the cookies also have little mini marshmallows. In case you're wondering, no, they aren't normal marshmallows, they are the strange kind that come in hot cocoa. The crunchy, almost Lucky Charms type marshmallows. 

These aren't terrible. They are tiny so you can pop one in your mouth. It has a slight crunch to it from the marshmallows and the cream inside definitely helps smooth it out. But after about three or four I put them away unimpressed. Do they taste like hot cocoa? Yeah they do nail the flavor pretty well. But how weird is that? These are flavored like a drink that was made to artificially taste like chocolate. So this is an artificially flavored cookie, flavored like a drink that's flavored like chocolate. Mind blowing stuff right there.

But a day or two later when I grabbed the bag to give these a second go 'round, I noticed a little blurb on the bag telling you to heat them up in the microwave for a treat. I'm always up for a treat so I popped a few in. They say 6-7 seconds. My microwave laughed at that and I left them in for about 20. As I figured, this improved them greatly.

Much like the time we roasted Chips Ahoy over a camp fire, these instantly jumped up a couple letter grades with a little bit of heat. Suddenly they were melting and gooey and felt more like a real cookie.  In fact, if you find yourself buying a bag of these to experience them for yourself, please put the entire package in the microwave and eat them like that. You'll thank me.

In the end I have to say I wasn't very impressed by Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy. They nailed the flavor, but they still just aren't great. Heated up they were definitely better, but I think I would rather take the money from this package of cookies and buy one REALLY good cookie from a local bakery instead.
HOT COCOA CHIPS AHOY- D
HOT COCOA CHIPS AHOY HEATED- B-

Review by Rich!

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EAT OUT WITH YOUR MEAT OUT: The Green Elephant in Portsmouth, NH.

We here at Fat Guy Food Blog venture into many a culinary world in our travels. I heard recently that humanity may all be the same soul, living out separate lives, experiencing countless things, and since time is not linear, we're all experiencing the world all at once, all one big entity writhing on top of one another for some mysterious, divine end. I'm not sure if I buy that, but I do believe in trying new things. That brings us here to The Green Elephant in Portsmouth, NH.

photo cred: portlandphoenix.me
I'm an idiot blogger and didn't even get a facade shot!

Thai inspired vegetarian food, located in the newly renovated downtown. I was somewhat excited to try this place. A few friends of mine exclaimed how good it was. As life long vegan and vegetarians, I figured their broccoli and wheat grass stained taste buds couldn't tell a grown man what was good and what wasn't! So I hit the bricks with the lady in tow, and ventured out to see what was so good about The Green Elephant.

Looking at the small menu, I was somewhat relieved. A typical Thai (or Thai inspired) place has menus as long as my leg, so going about and finding something was relatively easy.

We settled on an appetizer of Hot & Spicy Soy Sticks in a garlic chili cilantro sauce. Now, imagine my shock when this got sat down onto my table.

oh, 2...how convenient.

These have to be insanely good for them to be able to justify only having 2 correct? Well to answer that question, they were... pretty good. These little soy fake meats on a stick were prepped so well you'd swear they were just sliced off a weird exotic animal. The sauce was spicy, and delivered that sour sweetness you'd come to expect with anything labeled "Hot & Sour". It had a delicious, almost reminiscent of baked chicken skin, outer wonton type, casing.

The bamboo "bone" in the middle tricked my carnivorous brain into thinking I was eating animal flesh, and didn't once make me wish it was anything other than what it was.

The appetizer was good, but I'm still sitting their unfulfilled, and that's what appetizers are supposed to do, whet your appetite, and prime your body for proper ingestion of the main course. So I went with their style of Pad Thai. Something I'm familiar with at other places, of course it'll be good right?
You can also ask for your own level of spiciness, and me, not wanting my whole meal ruined if they went too heavy with the spice, went for a 3 out of 5.

The Pad Thai went as expected. Large portion, ingredients fresh and separate, not a stew of Pad Thai  in peanut sauce like I'm used to. The peanut sauce was not as sweet as I would prefer, and I 100% regret not upping the spice level. The 3 was definitely pretty weak. The Rice noodles were cooked perfectly. Not the best Pad Thai I'd ever had, but not the worst either.

After I finished my bowl of food, there was something definitely missing. I didn't feel insanely full or heavy by the amount of food that was delivered to my table, which I SUPPOSE is a good sign.

still hungry, I eyed the ladies Thai Ginger Noodles

In the end, The Green Elephant wasn't anything phenomenal. The price tag was high, even for food that is served and prepared this fresh. I'm glad a decent vegetarian option is out there for my friends, but I hope they don't alienate themselves from regular folk by having higher prices than a standard Thai place, which do offer similar things, but maybe not as "healthy". I'd go back if they had a cheaper brunch option or something of that sort.

I give the Green Elephant a C-

It's nice, clean, fresh, and decent food. But nothing I tried really stood out as incredible. Slightly pricey if you're looking for a nice dinner, extremely expensive for a quick lunch. More of a place you'd go to impress a date, but not really go because you dig it. I would have bumped them up a full letter grade if they gave you more than 2 Hot and Sour Soy Sticks. That's just ridiculous.  

-Josh

Throughout the meal sitting there, out of the corner of my eye, my inner fat guy just kept stealing glances out of the window, perhaps wishing he was another one of his past life soul tentacles, biting into something infinitely more delicious. 

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