Friday, October 21, 2011

KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl

A few years back, KFC created heaven in a bowl. They somehow managed to jam Thanksgiving into a plastic bowl, slap a top on it, charge you 5 whatever it is, and send you into a pants-unbuttoned couch coma full of happiness. Other countries hated America more, hypocrite health nuts wailed on about how horrible of a creation it was (and I call them hypocrites because they're happy to sit down on Thanksgiving and indulge in the exact same foods), and fat people wheezed a collective breath of satisfaction that they lived in a world where they could eat a bowl full of Thanksgiving any time they wanted to.
At first, I criticized KFC for their use of corn: "Get these goddamn vegetables out of my heartburn!" But soon realized that the corn was integral. The famous bowl wouldn't work if one of the items wasn't there- the gooey and salty goodness of the mashed potatoes, the crispy and kind of sweet chicken, the salty spiciness of the gravy, and the sweet corn fighting against all of it. It all worked wonderfully, with melted cheese goo all tying it together like a shiny and colorful middle finger pointed right at your heart. It was perfect. It IS perfect.

But then KFC stepped it up. America is fat. America likes bacon. America likes putting bacon in anything they can. LET'S PUT BACON IN THE FAMOUS BOWL!!! The ad campaign itself said "wow, another one for the colonel." I was psyched.

surprisingly not as easy as I thought to eat this while driving

Immediately upon digging into this monstrosity, I saw the inherent and should-have-been-obvious problem with this creation: the famous bowl is perfect as it is. PERFECT. So how could bacon make it better? Somewhat sadly, it couldn't. It honestly just distracted me from the flavor I wanted. Gravy and bacon are both very strong and although somewhat similar, they're basically flavors that work against each other, competing for flavor domination. I found myself thankful that I didn't mix the whole thing up, as the bacon stayed in the center of the meal, and I was done with it and left with a third of the bowl with no bacon. And it was better. Also, the bacon wasn't anything special. Up close, it looked like real bacon, but at quick glance it looked like bacon bits. It kind of tasted that way too.

Try it- if you're reading this blog, you know you are going to- you may already have. Maybe you'll love it. But my guess is that you'll say what I said: "eh... it's neat, but I think I'd rather just have a regular famous bowl." So treat this post not as a good or bad review, but if anything, as a reminder that we live in a country where the KFC Famous Bowl exists, and we should be thankful for that, bacon or not.


Original Famous Bowl: A
Cheesy Bacon Bowl: B

-Mike

4 comments:

  1. true story: the KFC by me shut down in 2006-health codes?-but before they did, i was one of the blessed few to witness some guy literally getting on all fours and proposing to his girlfriend, then buying everyone else in line a box of celebratory popcorn chicken when she said yes(and asked for hand sanitizer before she'd put the ring on). couldn't make this up if i tried.

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  2. It's an obvious reference but I can never look at one of the famous bowls and not think of Patton Oswalt.

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