At last.... Schweddy Balls

Damn you Ben & Jerry's.

When news of the creation and release of Schweddy Balls broke, uproar over the name, confusion on the timing of it all, the mystery of finding it, and the endless questions of "have you had it yet?" abounded. We read ok reviews and bad reviews from fellow food-bloggers. We were worried, excited, curious, and angry. All we wanted to do was the one thing we couldn't- taste the damn stuff.

If you've been living under a rock (or are thin), Schweddy Balls is a limited release of Ben & Jerry's ice cream named after a Saturday Night Live skit starring Alec Baldwin, that is about 13 years old now. If you haven't seen it, view it here.

Why Ben & Jerry's launched an ice cream flavor based on a 13 year-old Christmas-themed skit featuring rum balls (a Christmas-themed dish) in the middle of summer is anyone's guess. But we finally found it.

and we were very excited.

Fortunately, the frequency that I'm finding it has gone way up, so maybe now that it's nearly December, all our readers will be able to find it in the month that it should taste best. At the time, I found it at a gas station nearly an hour from my house, and I had to blast the AC to keep it cold and not ruin it. Seems crazy right? I'd later buy 2 from the same gas station, as it was the only place I'd been able to find it. The lengths fat guys will go to...

So how is it? Awesome.

The ice cream is basically vanilla with a SLIGHT, barely-there other flavor, which is apparently a "hint of rum." I wasn't excited about the malt balls at first, but grew to love their crunchiness in the overall creamy gooeyness of the ice cream. Plus, you can barely tell the difference between the malt balls and rum balls by sight, so you never know what you're going to bite into. I've never had a rum ball before, but based on this ice cream, they taste exactly like chewy eggnog. And that rules.

Malt ball on the left, rum ball on the right. Friends for life.

I would describe this ice cream as eggnog ice cream loaded with chocolate covered balls of goodness. Frozen chunky eggnog. It's great. Because my brain is trained to drink eggnog slowly and in small doses, and because of just how many balls there are in this, it's definitely an eat-slowly-and-savor kind of ice cream. There are better flavors of ice cream out there, and everyone has a favorite Ben & Jerry's that will probably be considered better than this, but Schweddy Balls is a delicious and very unique flavor. Definitely get a carton if you can find it. I'd recommend gas stations over supermarkets- I've still yet to see it at a supermarket but have seen it at probably 6 gas stations now.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hey Ben & Jerry's, how about canning this whole "limited release" thing and launching a SEASONAL RELEASE of this stuff. Seasonal food is something few food companies seem to want to do, even though in my opinion, it's a great idea. This tastes like eggnog and was based on a Christmas skit, so why not have it come out every year around Christmas? Why not give people something to look forward to? Look at beer- every season has a completely different selection. It's time for food to follow. Sadly, because people in this country are too uptight (and I get it, as it was definitely weird telling my mom the name of this ice cream), you may have to change the name. Here, how about this 10 minute photoshop job? Think about it, Ben & Jerry, I know you're reading this blog.

not my finest work, but you get the idea

A-

-Mike

Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos

From being fat guys and as evidenced by past posts, I feel like we here at Fatguyfoodblog are experts in Oreos. No other cookie company makes more flavors and does them with such class and consistency. So when I saw that they had made Berry Burst Ice Cream flavored Oreos, I bought them immediately- I saw no "NEW!" label on the package, so these could have been around for years, but I've somehow never seen them. It was time to try them. 

not sure how they're "ice cream," but I'm in.

Were they good? Of course, they're Oreos. Do they compete with regular or triple double, or any of the other new ones coming out? Not really. They're just another flavor. If you like the combination of strawberry/cherry/raspberry and chocolate, these will be right up your alley. But what made them more a "ok, I like these" vs. a "OH MY GOD MORE" cookie was the creme.

granulated sugar

Oreo creme is notoriously smooth and soft. That smooth softness is what separates true Oreos from their cheaper no-name imitations. These cookies didn't have that smoothness- the creme is gritty and rough, like the good folks at the Oreo factory were mixing the creme and decided to head out early. The flavor is good- I would say it's a solid mix of strawberry and cherry. I don't know where they got "ice cream" from, but it's a good flavor, just bad creme. So, eating these the way I (and most people) eat Oreos (pulling the cookie apart and eating all of the creme at once, or stacking it all to make absurd cookies) just doesn't work. The creme doesn't stand up. These cookies only work well if eaten as a whole, with the chocolate mixed in with the creme. They're worth a try, but only if you really like fruit mixed in with your cookies, and only if you want to eat Oreos in a very non-Oreo way. Worth a try, but nothing to freak out about. 

not the best creme, but tasty anyway.

I'd give these a C+. They got boring after awhile, and came nowhere near the "oh my god take these away from me before I eat the whole bag" feel of regular Oreos, but for something different, they're definitely solid. Keep the flavors coming, Oreo. You consistently make the best cookies. 

-Mike

Wendys new Hot 'N Juicy cheeseburgers!

Five Guys Burgers & Fries has won best burger across the nation two years in a row now. For good reason- they are fantastic.

What can Mcdonalds or Burger King do to measure up? Sadly, nothing. The only one that ever had a chance was Wendys, because their taste is the least "fast food" of the bunch. But sadly, in years past, they have just kept their recipe the same and not decided to step it up at all. Sure, we got the Baconator. But since then? NOTHING.

Dave promises THE BEEF.

But now they have debuted their new Hot 'N Juicy burgers. They promise premium ingredients and an all around better burger experience. But do they deliver? Can Wendys dethrone FIVE GUYS with these new burgers? Could it happen?!

Well...probably not.

But don't let that keep you from trying them, because listen up, they are Damn Good!

The Fatguyfoodblog crew took a trip to Wendys to sample them together. I, of course, went with the 3/4 pound Triple, because...well come on.  I'm writing for FATGUYFOODBLOG. We don't mess around. How much respect will readers lose for me if they saw me review this with the smaller burgers?

The answer? TONS. I'd be the laughing stock of the fat guy food reviewers crowd. I'm not about to let that happen.

Not as pretty as the promo pictures...

The first thing to notice is the paper wrapping. They go old school. No printed up see through tissue paper crap here. This is a thick paper like a guy might wrap a slab of meat in down at the family deli. Which is very fitting because this burger is a meat monster. Three thick slabs of beef, the usual veggies, and nothing wild in the way of condiments. No bbq sauce, or bacon. This thing was their standard recipe and still wowed me.

Juicy, and bursting with flavor.

So...Much...Meat.

One of my favorite parts was the toasted, buttered bun. This was something that jumped out to me in the description, but that I didn't expect to be able to notice too much. I was very wrong. It was delicious and jumped out at me like a slap in the face. I found myself wondering why EVERY burger in the known universe didn't come on a toasted, buttered bun. What the hell were we thinking? I for one have learned from this mistake and vow to butter and toast EVERY bun from this day forward.

This is my, "Man I shouldn't have gotten fries & nuggets with this" face. 

Now if you're a regular person, you may want to opt out of the Triple. It's a serious burger. I recommend it only to super fat people, giant manly men, and guys who are being challenged by their friends to eat something huge. This will satisfy those groups. If you are normal, or someone who does not want to be insanely full, maybe get the double instead. It might be more your speed. I wouldn't waste your time with the single though...that's just too wimpy.

GRADE: B+

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramasu

Ben and Jerry's Volun-Tiramasu

Stumbled upon this new flavor at Target. Along with a few others. I decided to review this one first because it sounded the weirdest.

Coffee Mascarpone ice cream with cocoa dusted coffee rum lady finger pieces.

Hmm. Okay. First of all. What the hell is Mascarpone? I had no idea. I bought this blind. Someone told me it was a kind of cheese and scoffed, making a dumb face. "Cheese...In ice cream. Good one, dumb ass."

But...yeah I was wrong. That's exactly what it is.

Mascarpone (English: /ˌmæskɑrˈpoʊniː/ or /ˈmɑːskərpoʊn/, Italian: [maskarˈpoːne]^[1] is an Italian cheese made from cream, coagulated with citric acid or acetic acid .

It just gets more and more interesting. I like coffee. I usually like things that are dusted with cocoa. I like...cheese.

Well here's the deal. This ice cream just isn't that good at all.

The ice cream itself is coffee but a very light. The flavor is almost an afterthought. It's the weakest coffee ice cream I've ever tasted with it still being able to be called coffee. It's almost like I was eating flavorless ice cream and someone walked by drinking a coffee and my brain tried to link the two. Now as a man who enjoys the strongest coffee I can get my hands on, I have no room in my life for weak coffee tastes.

Strike ONE.

There was still hope. The Cocoa Dusted coffee run lady finger pieces!

Oh..you mean those bland chunks of stale bread that are hidden in here?

With the half a seconds worth of chocolate taste on the outside? Nope. Those aren't saving this train wreck. Sorry Ben. Sorry Jerry.

You knock a lot of these flavors out of the park but this is not one of them.

So if you like to be bored, or you aren't big on flavor, Volun-Tiramisu is probably the ice cream for you.

But if you're like most of the food lovers that visit FATGUYFOODBLOG, you want big flavor. Steer the snack train clear of this pint!

GRADE: D...for DIS IS SOME BORING ASS ICE CREAM!