Friday, September 27, 2013

Burger King's Fry Burger and Satisfries: FRENCH FRY MEGAPOST

Dear Burger King, 

Come on. 


Look, I applaud you for putting a Fry Burger on your menu. I give you an internet high five for even bothering to do it. In this day and age, we need adventurous companies and crazy ideas in fast food. Sure, throwing french fries on a burger isn't a new idea, but as far as I know, you're the first place to put it on the menu, ready for mass consumption, and I say bravo for that. 

But look at this thing. This is an insult.

I mean, for real. No cheese? Did you really think the target audience that would purchase a burger with fries on it wouldn't want cheese? What, you think they want to save some calories? You think they're looking at it and thinking, "well, I could satisfy my craving for fries with these 3-4 on the burger, and man, if I'm gonna be eating all of those fries, I don't even need cheese!" 

Nobody is thinking that, Burger King. Nobody.

Did you think fries and cheese wouldn't go well together? Have you not had cheese fries?!

Also, I realize this is a fast food burger with fries on it, but do you think you could maybe at least try to make it look a little better?

yes, BK, I realize this isn't your fault

I even had perfect lighting and tried to capture it in all its essence.

I mean, I guess I did. It's just a roll, a crappy burger patty, 4 french fries, a blob of mayonnaise, a squirt of ketchup and... lettuce? Really? A ton of lettuce instead of cheese? You sadden me Burger King, you really sadden me. 

Also, maybe you could make the burgers bigger than half the size of my phone? 

An iPhone 4? What is this, 1995?

I realize you're only charging me a dollar, but come on, is the economy really THAT bad that you couldn't charge a buck fifty or even 2 dollars for a decent sized burger and some cheese? The employee who threw these ingredients against a wall and then picked them up off the floor and jammed them into a bag certainly isn't getting paid enough that you don't have the profits to spring for some cheese. 

I guess I should really be thanking you BK, because your innovation and crappy follow-through will just enable a better fast food place to make a better Fry burger some day. You'll be like my first mp3 player that could fit 4 songs on it. 

Sincerely, Mike from Fatguyfoodblog.

Honestly, even though this thing was a travesty, it still wasn't THAT bad. Even though Rich is probably the only one on earth who thinks Burger King has the best fries in fast food, they're still solid fries, and their crispiness and flavor was noticeable, even though I mostly tasted mayonnaise. If you're someone who reads this blog regularly, you probably already tried this burger (since I was slow as death getting to this post), or you at least will try it soon. It's only a dollar and it's the size of a quarter, so you might as well throw it on your next order. Burger, fries, ketchup and mayonnaise make for a good combo, so honestly, it's ok, but it's hard to say it's really good. I'll give it a D. Not great, an insult to fast food everywhere, but honestly, still ok tasting. Maybe I was just really hungry. 


I took one for the blog with this post. See, when there's a McDonalds, BK and Wendy's within 3 minutes of each other (and 10 minutes from my house), and you run the best food blog ever, you do stuff like this: 





Oh, what's that, a Mcdonald's Double Cheeseburger?

Oh snap dogg, put some fries on that!



These were both great. The Wendy's version was superior in overall burger quality (I mean come on, bacon), but the mayonnaise and bacon flavor overpowered any french fry flavor. So it was very good, but the fries kind of just added filling to it. 
The Mcdonald's double cheeseburger was the overall winner though. I could really taste the fries, and they interacted wonderfully with the onion and pickle, as well as the 2 pieces of cheese (here Burger King, let me help). 

To sum up in $$$$$$$$$$:

Burger King's Fry Burger: Cheap, tiny and blah. Ok, but NO CHEESE: $1.00

Wendy's JBC+ Fries: The best fries in fast food, delicious bacon, lettuce, tomato: $1.59 + $.99= $2.81 with tax

Mcdonalds DCB+ Fries: 2 slices of cheese, ok but crunchy fries, onion, pickles: $1.49 + $1.29= $3.04 with tax

So yea, to take a concept from "ehh, I guess that's ok for a buck" to "HELLYEA" it'll cost 3 bucks rather than 1, but I'd say it's worth it. You get what you pay for.

Innovate, people- don't let Burger King innovate on our behalf. 


Since 3 burgers with fries wasn't enough food (and this review isn't long enough), I decided to try something I had never seen before- BK's new Satisfries.

Burger King put these out as an answer to the weirdos who want healthier food options but still buy fast food (re: MORONS). They apparently have 30% less fat and 20% fewer calories than normal BK fries, and they went with crinkle-cut style. I already think BK's fries are just ok... how would a healthier option be? 

Well, judging by the presentation of my order, I already knew I was in for something pretty terrible:

Sweet potato fries and regular fries thrown in for good measure. Bravo Burger King employee! Give this person a raise!

These were pretty terrible. I mean, they're still fries, and dipped in enough ketchup, I couldn't really tell the difference, but on their own, these suck. They have a weird vegetable, oily, chemical taste to them, like they extracted pure broccoli juice and cooked fries in it. They were also kind of soggy, which is weird because you'd think a "healthier" french fry would have barely any oil involved. 

In look, they reminded me a lot of the frozen bags of fries you can buy at the grocery store, and in taste, they were actually worse. Frozen, no-name fries are better than these. That's all you need to know. 

Don't eat diet food at fast food places. If you want to eat healthy, stop eating fast food. It's hard to give any french fry an F, so I'll just give these a D-

What's going on, Burger King? I expect more from you. 

-review by Mike


  1. seriously? they had to put it on the menu? i've been eating burgers with fries since HS... all those years ago. hit up BK for the burger, McDonalds for the fries and then Wendys for a 99 cent frosty... dump the small fry on the burger (or two burgers, before you could get a double for a buck as well) squish the snot outta it and then eat on the fly on the highway.

    1. yea, a lot of people just don't get it. Your meal sounds great

  2. LOVE this blog. Speaking my language indeed. I wish they added more bacon, it always looks so good on tv...

  3. Clever clever writing. Really enjoy reading your blog... and yes, moron should ABSOLUTELY be applied to the person that wants to eat healthy at a fast food place.

    1. Thanks! yea, I get the attempt, but come on. It's either healthy, or it's fast food. You can't have both.

  4. Other blurbs I've seen on the web suggest that these aren't really any different from regular BK fries (which I also think are tops from the fast food chains), but then again... those guys aren't food connoisseurs like the fine guys at FGFB.

    So I finally decided to give these a try last night, and the experience leading up to it was an odd one to say the least. It's not often that the restaurant general manager himself goes into a 3-minute spiel about how almost everyone else despises a new product before allowing you to make a purchasing decision - so that didn't instill much confidence.

    One bite in, I was... perplexed. They most assuredly did NOT taste just like regular BK fries - BK's been touting that the batter used is slightly different and absorbs less oil, and this batter difference definitely tones down the flavor a bit compared to the normal fries. Also, I don't think they even salted these (whether by choice or corporate mandate, who knows). After taking a few more bites to adjust, though, I was mostly "satisfried" - they were just the right combination of warm, soft, and crisp. It helps that they weren't obviously cooked in overused oil, the #1 cause of good BK fries gone wretched.

    I would probably give them a C+... and then brush them aside for the real deal next time I hit up BK.

    1. haha thanks for the mini review. yea, mine were ok with ketchup, but I had to really try to get enjoyment out of them. Oh well.

  5. Satisfries are some of the worst fries on the planet. Horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE.

    Definitely doing a jr. Bacon Fryburger in the near future though.

    1. Josh thinks they're good! His french fry opinion is forever shit now!

  6. My favorite thing to throw on a burger is onion rings and bbq sauce. Try BK's whopper jr with 3 or 4 onion rings and half a pack of their tangy bbq sauce. Add some bacon if you want. And of course there's always the mcgangbang from McDonald's