Totino's BOLD: Jalapeno Popper & Buffalo Style Chicken Rolls!!

As the resident FGFB slob who somewhat embarassingly still eats Totino's Pizza Rolls fairly regularly, buying their last new offerings was a no-brainer.  Even though the Cheesy Garlic flavor was the only one really worth getting again, I still was pretty happy that Totino was finally trying out some new flavors. 

Being a spice wimp, their new Jalapeno Popper Rolls and "Buffalo Style Chicken Rolls" worried me a bit. But much like I suck up Totino's Pizza Rolls, I sucked it up and bought both bags. What follows are my thoughts. 

First off, I love the bag. The L is a lightning bolt! What better way to say a snack is bold than by having it ELECTROCUTE YOU?! And there's fire, whacky fonts, great color choices, etc. 

However, inside the bag lived the same old weird creation a Totino's Pizza Roll is. And I cooked them too much.

As someone who isn't huge on the jalapeno but still loves a good jalapeno popper from time to time, these were sadly pretty disappointing. A jalapeno popper is good not because it's a hot pepper with crunch- it's good because it's a hot pepper mixed (at least in every one I've ever had) with cream cheese, cheddar cheese, or a mix of the two. They end up being a wonderful mix of spice, crunch and creamy, cheesy deliciousness.

These were basically chopped up peppers with a fairly tasteless white cheese that is a lot like the more gooey cheese from the Cheesy Garlic edition, only not very flavorful. So they end up just being gooey squares of heat that have that weird grassy jalapeno flavor that sometimes shows up (like it did in these chips).  

I tried them solo, with ranch, with BBQ sauce, and with blue cheese, and in every version, they tasted just as blah. They just had that weird fake cheese goo, and grassy and then very hot jalapeno flavor. I'm sorry Totino, but you blew it on these ones. 

D-

Let's see how "Buffalo Style Chicken Rolls" are.

Man, that's just a weird title. Why didn't they just call them buffalo chicken rolls? And how weird of a term is "chicken rolls"?? These had a nice Frank's Red Hot tie in though, and I've been realizing more and more how much I like buffalo stuff lately, so I was still pretty excited.

so much so that I actually cooked them right!

After burning my mouth on the first two, then letting them sit even longer (how do these things hold heat like that?!), they tasted about like what I thought they would. And they were hot.

#foodgore

There seemed to be something missing though, as they felt like they were pretty much just pizza rolls with chicken and a ton of buffalo sauce. And nobody likes that. So I did what I should have done before I even tasted these and dipped them in blue cheese. They were instantly better, so I decided to go one step beyond and make buffaque rolls. 

I grabbed one of my favorite BBQ sauces and decorated...

then dipped again. 

Better. 

But something was still off. What was missing? I thought of the other pizza rolls, I thought of the Michelina's buffalo rolls that came first and how I used to eat them... 

...covered in cheese.

CHEESE. There was nowhere near enough cheese in these chicken rolls. And not only that, if you look closely on the bag, it says "cheese substitute." Shame.

So I decided to step it up and make a small plate of these a much better way.

THAAAAAAT'S better. 

But you know what? Look at how hard I tried to like these. I had to cover them in BBQ sauce, cheese and blue cheese, and eat them chopped up with a fork in order for them to be "pretty good." So I guess if I'm being honest, these aren't very good. There's simply too much hot sauce, and it's too hot. There's no cheese and very little chicken. I guess if you love to have your mouth burn with no real redeeming qualities to make the burn worth it, these will be perfect for you. Otherwise, if you're like me, these are just ok. 

C-

The bottom line: Good try Totino's, but you pretty much blew it on these. The jalapeno poppers are just grassy heat with flavorless cheese, and the buffalo ones are ok, but generally fairly blah as well and, once again, too hot. I guess I'm not BOLD (pretend there's a lightning bolt) enough to eat these. 

-review by Mike

Ben & Jerry's Limited Batch: PINA COLADA!

Most times when we visit the freezer section of any grocery store, chances are we are there to see if Ol' Ben & Jerry have anything new for us to try. I'll admit, I saw the Pina Colada flavor once and didn't buy it. I think my thought process was something along the lines of, "Fruit? WITH NO CHOCOLATE, CANDY, OR NOUGAT? NOT INTERESTED." Which is pretty ridiculous because I'm a huge fan of both coconut and pineapple and I love a good pina colada as much as the next guy. But my fat guy brain was locked in candy mode, so I walked away without it. But then over the next week we got so many tweets, emails and facebook messages about trying it, that I had to go back and get one, because the fans demanded it! Ladies and Gents, I give you...BEN AND JERRY'S LIMITED BATCH: PINA COLADA! 

It has quite the simple description. Coconut Ice Cream with Pineapple Chunks. That's it. When I cracked open the pint I was quite underwhelmed. There wasn't a delicious aroma. There wasn't anything cool to see. Honestly it looked pretty boring! Almost like a flat, snow covered landscape.

Booooooooring.

But who cares what it looked like, the real question is how did it taste?! Well the answer is, really, really good. The coconut ice cream is fantastic. It's creamy and flavorful with little tiny flecks of coconut in it. I was worried about the flavor being subtle but it was not in the least. That paired with the explosion of sweet pineapple flavor when you found a chunk of it, teamed up to make one hell of a positive ice cream experience. I easily could have taken this pint down in one sitting but I forced myself to make it two. Yes I know there are supposedly more than two servings, I just don't give a damn.

You can kinda see some pineapple if you look real close!

I think this ice cream is a great summer treat. If there's a time where you want to take a break from ice creams loaded with caramel, fudge or candy pieces, you might want to give it a try. It's fruity and sweet, and definitely surprised me by how much flavor it had. Being a limited batch, I plan on taking a trip back to the grocery store this weekend to stock up before they are gone. I suggest you do the same thing.
I give Ben & Jerry's Pina Colada limited batch ice cream a B+!
Now how about you dudes make Coconut 7 Layer Bar available in stores rather than just at the factory in Vermont!

As always, feel free to drop us a line at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com or you can find us on twitter under @fatguyfoodblog and heck, if you're on Facebook, give our page a like!

Wendys Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger!

Recently we began hearing rumors of Wendys launching a burger that strayed from the norm. It was said that it would come on a pretzel bun...and immediately our inbox's starting filling with requests from our readers that we try this thing as soon as humanly possible. Before this I have only ever seen a burger with a pretzel bun and that's at Paddys in Newington, NH. Theirs is tremendous so it had us all wondering how this fast food version would live up.  Then Wendys debuted their Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger, and we knew that it was our destiny to face this beast in the arena. Especially after we got messages like the one from our pal, @freaksoda on twitter who deemed this, "the best fast food burger I have ever had." With praise that high we knew there was only one thing to do, hop in the Fatguyfoodblog mobile and head to our nearest Wendys to try...

The Wendys Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger! 

Since Mike was off adventuring, we needed to call upon our old pal Heath, who from time to time joins the crew to write reviews. You may remember him from his review of the Birthday Cake Oreos. He's always up for a challenge so he jumped at the chance to face this burger head on and live to tell about it.

Sweet and Smoky Honey Mustard, Applewood smoked bacon, melted cheddar cheese and two slabs of beef on a soft pretzel bun. So how did it measure up?

RICH: I have to say, I loved this burger. The pretzel bun was soft and chewy, the bacon was perfectly cooked, the burgers were huge and the sweet and smoky honey mustard was out of this world. It mixed with the melted cheddar cheese and was just a really interesting sweet flavor. I was pretty blown away with every bite.

JOSH: I can't argue with you there Rich. I also thought that the flavors crescendo'd into an elegant ballet of flavors upon the tongue! That Sweet and Smokey Mustard should be available on every burger.

HEATH: As a man who prefers his food with a limited amount of flavor, I enjoyed this beast buck naked! I went with a double patty, with only cheese and bacon and none of the other stuff on there. It's called a Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger goddammit and that's all I wanted! I ordered a double, got a single instead. When I asked them about the missing patty, they gave me another one in a separate tray to take back and assemble the burger myself! 

JOSH: How do you not like taste?! You make me sick and I'm glad they messed up your order.

RICH: You should have demanded a completely new burger. Or money back. With a line like, "If I'm gonna build the damn thing myself, I best be gettin' paid, ya hear?"

JOSH: The one and only problem I had with this burger, which may in fact be the king of fast food restaurant burgers, was how the pretzel bun acted as a giant grease trap. With the new "Hot 'n' Juicy burgers being insanely greasy, and now this pretzel bun addition, I think Wendy's has officially went into Full On F*ck It Mode™ and stopped caring about the amount of grease that pours out of their burgers. Now, the question is, do I care? Do I join Wendy's new attitude and dump em out going 90 on the back of a Harley? YUP. This Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger is outstanding and if this is how it needs to be, then hey, I'm all in.

HEATH: I think it had the perfect balance of grease to meat. Nothing wrong with getting a little dribbled on your chin! If you stripped it down you might have not had that problem!

JOSH:  That makes no sense!

RICH: I really didn't notice any grease problem with mine at all. My problem was that I ordered it a DOUBLE with two patties and by the end of it I had all I could do to finish. Now don't get me wrong, I did finish it, because I wouldn't want some FGFB fan to see us out in the wild and then think I'm some sort of fake for not finishing a burger. But damn. It really was tough! Maybe I'll try it single next time. But there will definitely be a next time.

Josh: you could grease a bikers hair for a week with this!

In the end we all agreed that this burger was really, really good. Perhaps even the greatest fast food burger ever. Despite that, there were a few small complaints, Josh thought it might be a little too greasy, Rich got wimpy and thinks it might be better with a single patty rather than double, and Heath liked it stripped down. They all agreed that the bun was fantastic and that restaurants should do away with all other buns and switch to pretzel buns from now on. Together they give the Wendys Pretzel Cheeseburger a CFR(Combined Fatguyfoodblog Rating) of A-!


As always, feel free to drop us a line at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com with any questions, comments, or ideas for reviews! Don't forget to follow us on Twitter for mini reviews & junk food news, and LIKE us on Facebook to keep up with all our crazy antics!

The girl working the counter at the local Wendys asked if she could get a picture of us. Then we had to do autographs. But we gladly do it for our adoring fans! 

RUFFLES MAX: FLAME GRILLED STEAK FLAVORED POTATO CHIPS!

Any man likes a good steak. Even if you aren't the kind of guy who orders a steak often, when you do find those times where you are presented with a choice cut of meat, you can appreciate it. Most times you'll even be nodding as you're chewing, with your brow furrowed, and after finally swallowing your bite you'll say, "Man, I should order steak more often." Or perhaps you're the kind of guy who orders or grills up steaks multiple times a week and can't get enough. Bottom line here is that if you're a man, you should have an appreciation for steak. If you don't, I hate to break it to you, but you probably aren't much of a man. Ladies? I can't nail you down on this one. The female sex seems to be all over the place when it comes to steak. 

But for those ladies & gents who enjoy a good steak, Ruffles has rolled out a new limited edition flavor of chips...JUST FOR YOU!

Meat flavored chips?!

I have to admit, when people started spotting these in the wild and suggesting we review them, I was a little weary. We've tried every "Meat" flavored chip out there and it's rare that the flavor wizards can get it right. It usually just ends up tasting like some weird kind of bologna. So how did these measure up?

Lots of good size chips, I approve. 

 Well the first thing we do when we crack open a bag of chips is smell them. These have a very distinct scent. I immediately thought they smelled like some sort of dog food or treat. I still do. I think it must be whatever fake meat flavoring they used in these is similar to something often used to flavor dog treats. This might be enough to make the feint of heart stay away from these. But not the Fatguyfoodblog crew. We are shy away from no snack challenge. So, we dug right in, and you know what? By God these chips taste like FLAME GRILLED STEAK! They somehow capture the smoky flavor of steak right off the grill and have a great meaty tang to them. It's actually quite amazing how spot on it is. It's a great bold flavor, to live up to the MAX name. There's really no other way to put it though. That picture on the bag? That's what these taste like. A juicy, char grilled slab of meat.

Them spices mean flavor! 

In the end I'd say that Ruffles has definitely done a great job nailing this flavor. Is it a flavor of chip that I would buy all the time? Doubtful. Would I buy another bag of these? Yup! Maybe I'm just a guy craving a steak but there isn't one around. Perhaps a handful of these bad boys would hold me over until real steak can be consumed? Either way, if you are lucky enough to score a bag of these limited edition treasures, go for it! You won't be sorry. Unless you are one of those weirdos that don't like steak.

I give Ruffles Max: Flame Grilled Steak Chips a solid B!

As always, feel free to drop us a line at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com with any questions, comments, or ideas for reviews! Don't forget to follow us on Twitter for mini reviews & junk food news, and LIKE us on Facebook to keep up with all our crazy antics!


Review By Rich

Watermelon Oreo cookies!

THE ADVENTURES OF THE FATGUYOREOBLOG CONTINUE! 

Yep, so a couple weeks ago people started emailing and messaging us to review the newest flavor of Oreo's. Within hours we had dozens of requests, and people let us know we could only find them at Target. We began our search. Our local Target finally caught up with the rest of the world the other day so I scored a couple bags. Ladies & Gents, I give you, The Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo cookies! 

Mike creeping, clearly interested in these strange cookies...

So...the big question is... what did these taste like? The answer is quite simple. They tasted like this:

Or maybe it was closer to this:

Despite not having chewed a piece of Watermelon Hubba Bubba since I was probably 8 years old, it was immediately the first thing I thought of when I popped one of these cookies in my mouth. I had Mike sample one and he said it was more like a Watermelon Jolly Rancher. I could see that too. But either way, it's cookie that reminds you of a fake flavored candy. Its going to be weird, there's no way around it.

They are colorful, I'll give them that...

I'm glad they went the Golden Oreo route with the actual cookie for these, I think chocolate cookies would have been a massive mistake. The Golden Oreo cookie I think goes with the watermelon creme much better than chocolate would have. As it stands, they are just...weird. The crunch of the cookie goes together with the watermelon creme in a strange way, that makes me feel no matter what flavored creme goes between them, I could never completely hate a limited edition Golden Oreo. I think if you like the Sherbet Oreo's you'll probably enjoy these ones a lot. Not only do they resemble them in color but the flavor was kind of similar too. 

That being said, I wasn't a huge fan of these. It's just a strange flavor that I don't think really belongs in the realm of cookies. You want it in your bubble gum? You want it in your hard candy? You want to get a slush from Sonic with watermelon flavor in it, knock yourself out. But when it comes to cookies, maybe when this limited edition vanishes from shelves, it should stay gone.
All in all I didn't hate Watermelon Oreo's but if they never return, my heart won't be broken.

I give Watermelon Oreo's a C-!

As always, you can hit us up on Twitter at twitter.com/fatguyfoodblog or drop us an email at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com ! Don't forget to Like us on Facebook too: facebook.com/Fatguyfoodblog !
Review by Rich! 

Dunkin' Donuts Part 2: New Chicken Sandwiches: BBQ and Bacon Ranch!

.....aaaaaand part 2 of Hey-Dunkin-Donuts-actually-has-new-stuff week!

This time, I tried both of their new chicken sandwiches, BBQ and Bacon Ranch. 

I ordered the Bacon Ranch on one day, and it looked about like what I thought it would, although they were out of the white cheddar that's supposed to go on it. I got AMURICAN:

Upon dissection, I saw that the chicken looked pretty solid, and they hadn't skimped on the bacon, even though their placement wasn't entirely feng shui and left something to be desired.

BUT, It still looked good. I decided to check out the other side. 

Ouch. 

Seriously Dunks, should you even be allowed to list ranch as an ingredient in this? This looks like someone just dropped the top roll on the floor and there just happened to be half a packet of ranch still there from when someone spilled it a week ago. Should have been called a diet bacon ranch chicken sandwich. 

DIP CITY

But after fixing the problem (always have ranch on hand- ALWAYS), this was pretty good. It wasn't anything amazing though, for a few reasons. First, there was an odd spice to it- not hot, just like someone got excited when making the recipe and thought paprika would be fun to include in the recipe (it's not paprika, that was just the first spice I thought of that would be bad). Secondly, there needed to be more ranch (duh). Third, there needed to be more cheese. And fourth, the biggest one- there needed to be less bread. This bread is good with a slight crunch on the outside and a soft flavorful inside, but there's just entirely too much of it. There shouldn't be more bread than filling, especially in this case. I generally enjoyed this sandwich, but I was also very hungry and can be swayed easily when something is dipped in ranch. Without my extra ranch, it ended up seeming mostly like a chicken and bread sandwich with a little bit of bacon. And that gets you a C-

I wasn't planning on getting the BBQ one, but I decided I had to step up and try both, so I went back the next day. It was a little beat up, but the roll was nicely toasted and I could already see that the white cheddar was going to make quite a difference.

How was the BBQ coverage?

Am I crazy? Do normal people want just a hint of sauce on their food? "Hey, when you make my sandwich, I want just a DOT of sauce. Don't worry, I'll spread it around. No, no, that's too much. I want to have to really struggle to taste it. No, that's too much. Yes, I know it's called a BBQ chicken sandwich, but can't the BBQ sauce just be assumed or something? I really don't want to taste it too much."

What truly sucks is that most people who buy these sandwiches will get them on the road and not have the ability to have a dip puddle like I had since I was eating it at home. I feel bad for those people. Or who knows, maybe this is the correct amount and I'm a LUNATIC for actually wanting sauce on my sandwiches. Am I crazy?

After making a solid puddle and smushing down the 2 inches of bread, this was more enjoyable. The cheddar was waaay better than the american on the other sandwich- better to the point that if they don't have the cheddar, pass on the sandwich. The sauce (although barely there) was very good- very tangy and sweet. And the chicken tasted and felt like real chicken. BUT, that weird off-spice from the other sandwich was there again. I had thought it might be the ranch before, but it definitely is something in the spice on the chicken. Oh well, it's weird but it doesn't really ruin the sandwich, so whatever. 

Still though, I can't give this anything better than a C either. And I'll up the other sandwich to a C since I know it would have been better with cheddar cheese. 

What they should have done is combined these. There are few sauces better than a mix of ranch and BBQ together. And this sandwich should have 2 pieces of cheese. AND, seriously, a BBQ chicken sandwich with no bacon? Come on. 

So if I ever try to get one of these again, even though they each cost 4 bucks (ouch), I'm gonna be THAT guy: "Can I get a Bacon Ranch chicken sandwich with 2 pieces of cheese and BBQ sauce on one side and ranch on the other? Oh, and extra on both? Thanks. Actually, make it 3 pieces of cheese."

-----------------------------

I also did as promised in the last post- got a donut sandwich with cheese. And yup, it's way better. Mine suffered a bit by getting too cold (I ate the BBQ chicken sandwich first), but it was CLEARLY better with cheese. I was able to taste it when I wanted to, and ignore it when I wanted to taste donut or bacon more. Why they don't have cheese on these normally is a mystery for the ages. Perhaps the person who said not to put cheese on this was the same person who decided how much sauce should be on the chicken sandwiches... It's all becoming clear...

The short version:

Bacon Ranch Chicken Sandwich: Tasty but order extra ranch and prepare to still feel a bit underwhelmed. This should have been better, but it's still not bad, especially for a company that doesn't normally make chicken sandwiches. C.

BBQ Chicken Sandwiches: Pretty much the same. OK but needs more sauce, more cheese, and bacon. C

Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich: Should have cheese. Better with cheese. Order with cheese. Still probably a B+, maybe an A-.

-review by Mike

Dunkin' Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich & Hot Chocolate Coolatta

Even though most of the US probably assumes everyone in the northeast goes to Dunkin' Donuts every 20 minutes (and maybe they even think we dunk our donuts in coffee?), that's not entirely true- and certainly not for me. As a non-coffee drinker who is still bitter about Dunks (yea, most people don't call them Dunkin' Donuts either) getting rid of their flatbread sandwiches (which may have been my favorite breakfast sandwich ever), they're not exactly on my radar. But after several people who don't know we have a mental radar that alerts us of when things like this exist texted us with a picture of this beauty, it was time for me to drive 1 and a half miles in any direction to my nearest Dunks. 

A breakfast sandwich with donuts as the bread. Damn. 

To be fair, this has been done before, and we've even done this with cheeseburgers, but it's pretty cool for a huge company like Dunkin' Donuts to fulfill the dreams of everyone wearing size XL or larger. After I pulled up to the drive-thru and was asked what I wanted within 1 second, I told the worker to give me a second. After repeating this again, I asked them if they had "that donut sandwich," since either I'm officially too old to understand drive-thru menus or they really are getting harder and harder to find anything on. She said "um.. hold on a second- let me make sure we have the donuts for it." This surprised me as they always have enough donuts to feed a small country. Are there specific donuts just for this sandwich? Maybe she just meant pre-cut ones? Not sure, and I may never know since I'm too lazy to try and find out. All I cared about was that I did get one, and I was excited. 

Unwrapping it, it looked pretty much like I expected it to.

where are my 3 hashbrowns?

Notice the difference between reality and the ad? Yea, when you have to wrap a glazed donut, it gets a little messy. I guess I should have gone to one of the other Dunks, you know, the ones where THEY SERVE SANDWICHES TO YOU ON PLATES.

I opened it up to investigate, and I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy to see that this appeared to be a real cut-in-half donut, and the bacon, although messily served, looked like real (and good) bacon. However, I was sad to see that Dunks is still selling the weird egg patty things that don't resemble any type of food on earth.

After re-assembling the sandwich for maximum bacon coverage,

I promptly destroyed it.

It was good- the bacon was crisp and flavorful, the egg did its job as filler (it was there enough that I tasted it but it didn't overwhelm), and the donut was insanely sweet. It also had a bit of the grease you get from a heated up donut, even though I think the only heat it got was from the egg patty. It all worked together pretty well, but it lacked a bit of the revelatory spark I was hoping for- it tastes exactly like what you'd imagine a donut with bacon and egg on it from Dunkin' Donuts would taste like. 

One problem though- I expected cheese, and I feel like it would be much better with cheese. Maybe cheese and glazed donut didn't test well? I do know this- I want there to be cheese, and I will order another one of these with cheese to see who is right in this relationship. Stay tuned...

as it is, I'll give it a B+

-------------------------------------

While there, I decided it was finally time to try a Hot Chocolate Coolatta. I've always been a fan of Coolattas (ever mix flavors? you should), and missed this the last time it was out. Not only that, but I've recently realized how much I like the cocoa flavor of chocolate. Dairy Queen has a chocolate extreme blizzard with cocoa powder-flavored soft serve instead of their normal chocolate soft serve, and let me tell you, it is EXTRAORDINARY. So I was assuming this would taste like that, in Coolatta form. I was psyched. 

couldn't give me a hot chocolate coolatta cup? pbbbttt

This was good, but it didn't taste like hot chocolate, at least none I've ever had. Instead, it tasted like chocolate milk. In fact, it tasted EXACTLY like Hershey's chocolate milk, the kind I grew up on and my mom had to limit how often I was allowed to have. Is this evidence of Hershey's syrup?

This was good, but they should call it a Hershey's Chocolate Milk Coolatta. Even if they aren't using Hershey's, it's the exact same flavor. It was good, but a bit of a let down. I wanted it to taste like, you know, that stuff they said it's supposed to taste like. Also, it was actually almost too sweet, like those times as a youngin where I got excited and just kept squeezing syrup into the bottom of my cup until I had 2 inches of syrup in a 8 inch glass and it was unbearably chocolate-syrupy. 

BOTTOM LINE:

Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich: Very good, but lacking something special to give it an A. B+ as it is, and stay tuned for part 2 of this post to see if it's any better with cheese. 

Hot Chocolate Coolatta: Tasty but actually too sweet. I give it a D for its claim that it's hot chocolate flavored, but a B- if it were just called a Chocolate Coolatta. So I guess that means it gets a C.

-review by Mike