Wendy's: Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

It's been out for about a month, and I have to say I've kind of been dragging ass reviewing this burger. I'm not the biggest fan of mushrooms, after all:

If the sight of feces hasn't made you click away from the page yet, read on beloved follower, as you might surmise from other review sites, this burger is fantastic.

took the GF on a romantic night out

 

 Upon biting into this majestic beast of a burger, I was taken aback by how enormous it was. The new Wendy's system of order patties works wonders. Too much of a man for one, too self respecting for three, I opted for the heft of a two patty pleasure house to take me in the back room and show me things I've only ever dreamed of tasting.  If you've had the new burgers, you know what I'm saying is true, you know the amount of cheese that comes on these things is this side of perfect, and bacon, how in the world could bacon ever ruin anything? 

And you're asking yourself the same thing I did "oh hey, they made this burg before, but now it's on a BRIOCHE BUN! NICE! What, praytell, is a brioche bun?" So I looked it up, and it's just a fancy way of them making the bun fluffier, and much worse for you. But hey, it's FGFB, we take the hit so you don't have to. 

thick and beautiful

And now, the point of contention, the mushrooms. "WHAT ABOUT THE MUSHROOMS?" you're probably screaming.

the mushroom is just daring you to take a bite of it's weird, alien flesh

I barely noticed the mushrooms to be honest. I don't like mushrooms at all, so you better bet your ass if this thing was all shroomed out, I would have puked my guts out everywhere just from the texture of slimy creature flesh that is a sliced mushroom. It tasted more like an amazing burger, with a hint of cream of mushroom soup in it. The actual mushroom bits get lost in the gooey meat and cheese combo that is between this fancy french bun. Thus, making this burger extremely enjoyable.

So the burger was absolutely incredible by all accounts, the flavor, texture, all wrapped in a smokey bacon over flavor that tied it all nicely together. I was trying to think of a way to improve this masterpiece for when it's released again next year, but the only real thing I could think of was this:

MAKE IT A BBQ BACON PORTABELLA BURGER

So next year, when all the execs are sitting around the table, wondering what to do to boost sales to the ever rotating burger world, remember, FGFB knows burgers, and adding BBQ sauce to this thing kicked it straight into the next solar system.

Everything about this was excellent. I give The new Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt on a Brioche Bun an A. It's completely changed my outlook on burgers and mushrooms, and I dare you, young future fat guy, get it, I dare you not to piss your pants with joy like I did.

-Josh

don't worry, I finished it this time

The Girl I came there with

And the girl I left with

 As always feel free to email us at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com , hit us up on TWITTER, and Like our FACEBOOK page so you can keep up on all of our new reviews, including mini reviews we just do on those sites, giveaways, and lots of other fun stuff!

Big King VS. Big Mac. A fast food grudge match.

When I heard that Burger King was debuting their own version of the famous Mcdonalds Big Mac back in 1997, the first thing I thought was..."Why bother?" Let's face it, once upon a time the Big Mac was looked upon as the pinnacle of Burger innovation in fast food. I remember being a kid and seeing it on the menu and being so blown away that it not only had two burger patties but also? THREE BUNS?!? Add in that "special sauce" and it was like no other burger in the world. These days though, in a world where the Baconator exists, and fast food places are trying their best to one up each other with crazy things like THIS, the Big Mac has fallen by the wayside. It's now a classic, a relic if you will, of a world gone by.

This is not photoshopped. I swear. 

So why would BK want to bring back the Big King after all these years? Well, to prove that they can do it better. If you ask me, they did it when they changed their fry recipe a few years back. They are superior to all over fast food fries. I know, you want to fight with me about this, but stay with me, you can attack me in the comments. So BK must have thought, "Let's start a fight. What's Mcdonalds most known burger? The Big Mac? Okay, we're making our own. Let's show the fast food world we can do what any other place can do, but BETTER."

But did they?

Back in 1997 when they first brought the Big King into the world, people were weirded out. It made the rounds, was exciting for about five minutes and then it went away. I remember trying it. It was okay. It wasn't quite the same though, it didn't have the middle bun back then. So it was a flash in the pan. Not very exciting. But this time around they are going for broke. BK says if you try them both, you'll prefer the Big King. So let's see if they are right...

Ol' McD's wins points for presentation alone...

The Big Mac comes in a box. The Big King? The same old wrapper that the rest of the BK burgers come wrapped in. Doesn't seem like anything special. When I look at the Big Mac it has a special box that has it's name on it, with a picture and what seems like Mcdonalds flippin' old BK the bird. "THERE IS ONLY ONE BIG MAC." Might as well say, "SUCK IT, BK." One point for Mcdonalds.

Like alternate reality versions of one another...

Out of the box and wrapping they look surprisingly similar in almost every way. Almost mirror imaged!
The lack of lettuce is a slight upper hand to BK because, EFF lettuce. You know what I'm saying? But I'm just going to call this part a draw.

The Big Mac. Whole Lotta bread & Lettuce...

Despite being a classic, I hadn't had a Big Mac in years. Why would I? If you're going to Mcdonalds and they don't have some special promotional burger, why would you stray from the wonder that is their Double Cheeseburger? It's a thing of beauty. But when I bit into the Big Mac I found it to be...okay. Little too much bread. Not only that but I found the bread of the bun to be almost on the brink of being stale. Halfway through it was breaking apart in my hands. Also, I remember it being giant when I was a kid but this thing also wasn't very big at all, at least the patties aren't. They are so small that the bun completely covers them from all sides. Don't let the promo pictures fool you, you can't see those patties sticking out the side, EVER. But all in all it was just okay. Too much lettuce, too much stale bread, no bacon... this isn't a burger I would get often. 

Then the Big King steps up to the plate. Instantly I am happier with it. The bun is fresh and soft. The onions add a nice crunch and a bit of extra flavor. The meat patties seem a bit bigger and more flavorful. The sauce maybe even a bit sweeter. I kept going back and forth and each bite made me realize it more and more. THE BIG KING IS SUPERIOR TO THE BIG MAC. Yeah. It's true. I found no way the Big Mac beats it except in packaging.

So there you have it folks. The Big King is a better Big Mac. If you doubt me, go try it for yourself. BK says they are going to keep it on their menu for good so someday, perhaps the Big King will have it's own museum like the Big Mac does. Yeah. That's true by the way. Check out the site here. It even has a giant Big Mac inside that you can take your picture with...

This thing lives in the Big Mac Museum! 

But as I'm about to post the end of this review I remember something and decide I cannot award any win to Burger King. Ever. Not until a great travesty is made right. Not until the greatest company mascot of all time is brought back. I'm talking about...THE KING.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit son.

BRING HIM BACK, BK! Just do it. Everyone loved him! Just do it or expect to lose every single damn Fatguyfoodblog head to head fast food challenge until the end of time.

WINNER: THE BIG MAC (But only because we want the King back. Otherwise it's the Big King all day. ALL DAY.)

As always feel free to email us at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com , hit us up on TWITTER, and Like our FACEBOOK page so you can keep up on all of our new reviews, including mini reviews we just do on those sites, giveaways, and lots of other fun stuff!


Review by Rich.

McDonalds' New Value Menu Items: Bacon Buffalo Ranch McChicken, Bacon & Cheddar McChicken, BBQ Ranch Burger, and the Greatest Creation in Fast Food History?

Ever since McDonalds took the classic double cheeseburger (one of the greatest deals in the history of food) off the dollar menu in favor of the slap in the face known as the McDouble (seriously McDonalds, you're telling me that an extremely necessary item like a second piece of cheese means it should cost 30 cents more?), I've been pretty unimpressed with their value menu. 

Sure, they added the truly awesome Grilled Onion Cheddar burger, but at the same time, it's TINY and just makes me wish the CBO still existed. 

But now all of a sudden, out of nowhere like an early Christmas present, they have 4 new items and the return of the Bacon Mcdouble. I don't do McDoubles and it's just a double cheeseburger (with 1 stupid piece of cheese) with bacon, so I figured I'd save my hard earned money and bought the others instead. 

First up was the Bacon & Cheddar McChicken. It looked like a fine sandwich:

I opened her up to check out her guts. Lookin good!

why even bother with lettuce?

This was a pretty basic but pretty good sandwich. The McChicken was insanely peppery as it always is, but the cheese was awesome, the bacon was crisp and tasty (thank you McDonalds for finally getting bacon right), and the combination of flavors was solid. 

Whoever made this went a little mayonnaise crazy though- I have disgusted people with the amount of mayonnaise I've put on sandwiches and this even bothered me. Maybe it's because it mixed with the melted cheese and created a weird goo, I'm not sure. But it was too much.

This, of course, won't happen to everyone though. Generally, this sandwich shouldn't even have lettuce, and I kind of want tomato, but for a very simple creation, it gets the job done. I'll give it a B. Nothing to freak out about, (and maybe not worth $2) but definitely solid, and a vast improvement over the standard McChicken. 

Next up was the Bacon Buffalo Ranch McChicken. 

Bacon. Buffalo. Ranch. I'm in.

sweet heavens.

I also got extremely sauced on this one, and this also had completely unnecessary and barely-there lettuce. But even with too much sauce, this was pretty awesome. I didn't really taste much ranch (which is good since I'd rather have blue cheese)- the sauce is more just like a fairly tangy buffalo sauce. And it's spicy enough, but not too spicy. The problem for me was that, while I tasted bacon, buffalo is such a strong flavor that the bacon was overshadowed. And bacon being on there makes this fella cost $2, so that may be a problem for some cheapskates. Of course, there's also the bacon-less version for $1, but if you can get a sandwich with bacon or one without and you even think about not getting the one with bacon, you're... probably not reading this right now.

It was good though. I'll give it a B- 

Next up was my favorite of the 3, the BBQ Ranch Burger. 

Having not seen any commercials and looking at the menu for about a second before ordering, I figured this bad larry would just be what it says it is- a cheeseburger with ranch and BBQ sauce (which is possibly the greatest combination of sauces known to man). So what the hell else is on this?

THE ANSWER IS CHIPS

That's right- McDonalds stepped up their game, big time. Sure, the chips aren't the best quality and they can get a bit soggy being sandwiched between sauce and hot cheddar cheese, but the additional crunch and slight BBQ flavor (they're BBQ corn chips, like ghetto Fritos) was quite awesome. 

small, but delicious

And the sauce, though not as good as BBQ/ranch combo sauces I've had in the past, was still damn solid- very tangy and actually quite unique. It may be a love-it-or-hate-it flavor, but I'm in. I give this an A, partly for flavor, partly for the fact that THERE ARE CHIPS ON THIS BURGER AND THAT MEANS IT GETS AN INSTANT A GODDAMMIT.

--------------------------------------------------

Then I started thinking. 

I'm embarrassingly new to the whole combine-fast-food-to-make-your-own-creations thing, but after messing around with fry burgers, my mind is constantly in creation mode now. You could say I'm a creationist.

If you haven't explored the value menu at McDonalds since it was called the DOLLAR menu (thanks obama), then you may have missed out on the insanely simple yet delicious Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger I mentioned earlier. The caramelized onions are sweet and delicious and work wonderfully with burg and cheddar. But they're always too small and I want more. hmmm.....

Maybe if I just move some things around...

oh no

Loyal readers and new visitors to your new favorite website, I present to you possibly the greatest fast food creation known to man: The Grilled Onion Cheddar Bacon BBQ Ranch Double Cheeseburger, or G.O.C. tripB Q.R.D.C.B for short.

glorious mess 

I played around with this in the 3 times I've gotten this since I created it, and I've realized the best order of ingredients. Here's how you do it in 7 easy steps (I didn't want to attempt to order this- too much room for error). 

1. Order a Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger with bacon. 

2. Order a BBQ Ranch Burger.

3. Pay, tear open bags, begin drooling.

4. Take the top bun off the GOC Burger and throw it at someone.

5. Take the bottom bun off the BBQ Ranch Burger and feed it to the pigeons. 

6. Merge bunless sections together.

7. Heaven.

So to recap- this is a double cheeseburger with 2 pieces of cheddar cheese, a BBQ ranch combo sauce, bacon, caramelized onions, and BBQ corn chips. 

And it's INCREDIBLE.

I... can't... even.....

Honestly, you can taste every aspect of this beast- the ingredients differentiate themselves perfectly while somehow combining into one amazing flavor. The only downside might be the BBQ/ranch sauce if you don't like the flavor, but I think it's great. 

This is seriously something incredible- like, mind blowing. And it's $3.26! And you know what else? If the burgers are hot enough when you get them, the cheddar cheese merges together to create a cheese goo that surrounds the burger and helps keep it together. And you can give the extra buns to your dog that will probably rip them out of the trash anyway!

There are NO DOWNSIDES WHATSOEVER!

Although simple, this is a fantastic frankenburger with literally everything a man could want on a burger, for a cheap price, and I give it an A++++. It's truly one of my greatest accomplishments. 

-review by Mike

Taco Bell: Triple Steak Stack

The past week I've been hearing nonstop commercials on the radio, and seeing countless ads on television telling me the urgency of running south of the border and to "live mas" with Taco Bell's new Triple Steak Stack. I ran out to give it a go and waded neck deep in the Rio Grande to jam this new offering into my salivating mouth hole.

triple the steak!?!

I walked into my local Taco Bell and upon ordering, was asked by one of the employees, "Man, Have you had this yet?" My reply was no, and then he proceeded to tell me how awesome it was, and how I needed to dip it into sour cream. A man after my own heart it seems, because I too enjoy dipping almost anything into sour cream. The employee hooked me up with a small container of sour cream and off I went to try this out.

Looking at this thing at this distance, I wasn't overly impressed. But what do I expect for $4.99?

Upon lifting up the Bolio flatbread (which i'm pretty sure means "warm, thick old lady labia") to unearth what was inside, I was taken aback by the amount of cheese on this thing!

After I bit into this, I was pleasantly surprised. The amount of cheese, the thick veins of meat, all on this warm, floppy flatbread was a pleasant change from the normal fast food servings which typically use fillers to take our mind away from what we really want. The meat, however it is prepared, does have an overly processed steak taste, one that has kind of this hint of mushrooms, but for no real reason.

sour cream didn't really add to this, and I suspect it's Taco Bells flavorless version of sour cream to be the culprit.

 

 So basically, this is just Taco Bells version of a steak and cheese sub. I think the mistake they are making with it, even though it does have the "no bullshit" appeal of just being steak and cheese, is that there should be SOMETHING else to this. It's a filling sandwich, and tastes pretty damn good if you stop about 3/4's in. I struggled at the end because of that fake meat flavor I mentioned earlier. I'm pretty sure they could mask that weirdness with a little added something, and maybe get out of the mediocrity of just being steak and cheese. Sure, it's ok, but I can get an INSANELY good steak and cheese for about $7 at my local pizza joint.

the battered and bruised Colonel reluctantly took a bite, and quietly whispered to me "Why am I here?"
Then broke down and sobbed.

After I finished up the flatbread, I was gathering my things to head on home and one of the other workers there came over to me and asked how I enjoyed it. I told him the only real problem I had with it, and he agreed. He told me that Taco Bell shipped them a new kind of meat for this, and he thinks it's a little substandard to what he's used to. So, my review was affirmed, and even though I did have some issues with the sandwich, I didn't hate it. It sits currently in the middle for me. If someone was like "hey Josh I got you the new TB Trip Steak Stack, you want it" I'd say "sure", but I wouldn't saw anybody's head off for it like you see along the US/Mexico border. I guess the US just does Mexican food better it causes all this senseless violence.

I give the Taco Bell Triple Steak Stack a 

C

It isn't good, it isn't bad, it just is. 

-Josh

As always, feel free to email us with any ideas you have, comments, questions, or if you see something out in the wild that you would like us to review! Email us at: Fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com , hit us up on Twitter at: twitter.com/fatguyfoodblog , or LIKE us on Facebook for tons more FGFB Fun! Also...Christmas is coming, get your favorite Fatguyfoodblog fan a t-shirt! It will add much magic to their Christmas morning...GUARANTEED!

Gingerbread Double-review! Gingerbread M&M's & Gingerbread Twix!

The very instant Halloween is over, every big department store in America rolls out their holiday displays. Christmas music begins being played in stores, giant boxes full of tubes of wrapping paper get placed in your way in the aisles, and you know that for the next two months you will get bombarded with Christmas stuff whether you like it or not. One true upside to all of this commercialization of the holidays is that you can bet your ass all the major snack and candy companies are going to roll out some limited edition flavors of your favorite treats. Well I braved the seasonal snack aisle at our local Walmart and found the first sugar filled offerings of this kind for the 2013 holiday season. Up first... Gingerbread M&M's! 

In case you forgot what gingerbread was, Ol' Red here has you covered...

Gotta say, I love the art on the bag. Red holding a plate with a gingerbread man on it? GOLD. But M&M's have never needed any help in the packaging department. The big question is, DO THEY TASTE LIKE GINGERBREAD??? The answer might surprise you. They do.

They taste like a strange chocolate version of gingerbread. It's definitely a more subtle flavor. The chocolate and candy shell dominate it but then your taste buds catch up and you say, "OH, yeah there it is. That's definitely Gingerbread!" Are they going to blow your mind? Probably not, but I definitely enjoyed them more than the Pumpkin Spice M&M's we reviewed back in October.

 They chose a strange color scheme for them. I get the Red and Green, for Christmas, but brown? Is that supposed to be for the gingerbread? Ehhhhhh....maybe? But in the end, who really cares about color. Would you care if they were hot pink? Wait. Yeah I think I might. There goes my logic right out the door.

I'd give these a B-, they were enjoyable, they tasted like what they were supposed to taste like, and I never really got sick of them. Would I buy them over Peanut Butter M&M's? Hell no. Those are the greatest ever. But for your candy dish as the holidays creep closer, these will delight your guests sweet tooth at every turn.
Unless they hate gingerbread.

Next up...GINGERBREAD TWIX!

Thanks Red Skull, I'll take it from here...

We had heard that regular sized versions of these existed out in the world but we were only able to find the giant bag of tiny, individually wrapped bars. Which actually made reviewing them easier. You could keep going back to try them to refresh your memory. Which is just the fat guy excuse for wanting to eat an entire bag of candy bars. Makes sense right? Did they taste like Gingerbread? Yep they did.

HOWEVER, I feel like the first bite you take of one of these, you get a weird blast of dry cracker tasting gingerbread and you kind of start thinking that you don't like them. But as you start chewing them, and the chocolate and caramel mix together with the gingerbread cookie, it somehow amplifies the gingerbread taste to where you end up nodding in approval as you're finishing it off. Bottom line? Good stuff.
I'd give these a B. If they didn't start out a little weird, the rating might be higher.

Keep in mind, if you don't like gingerbread, stay the hell away from both of these. But if you've been known to chase down a gingerbread man here and there during the holidays, scoop up both of these limited edition candies!

Review by Rich!

As always, feel free to email us with any ideas you have, comments, questions, or if you see something out in the wild that you would like us to review! Email us at: Fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com , hit us up on Twitter at: twitter.com/fatguyfoodblog , or LIKE us on Facebook for tons more FGFB Fun! Also...Christmas is coming, get your favorite Fatguyfoodblog fan a t-shirt! It will add much magic to their Christmas morning...GUARANTEED!

Mcdonalds' Mighty Wings & Burger King's Buffalo Chicken Strips

I'm not sure why football season= buffalo wings, but according to McDonalds and Burger King, it does, so they each recently put out their own offerings. Do I smell a BUFFALO WING FAST FOOD- OFF?

Of course I do. We love doing faceoffs almost as much as Castor Troy.

First up was Mcdonalds' offering: Mighty Wings.

Either I don't pay attention to anything, or Mcdonalds really didn't bother advertising that these were bone-in wings. Now sure, on the surface, I'm an idiot. They're WINGS. OF COURSE THERE ARE BONES. 

But seriously, why on earth would I think Mcdonalds would have bones in anything? I think I found a rubber band in a McChicken once, but other than that, the world knows Mcdonalds as a fast food place that has questionable meat from who knows what animal, but it's generally all meat. You can bite into anything without worrying about breaking your teeth. I didn't see anything indicating that these had bones. It certainly didn't say so on the menu.

The concept of wings will never make sense to me. Why eat something where you have to fight through skin, cartilage and eventually bone when there's something that exists (usually on the same menu) that has NONE of that annoyance and nasty stuff, and is all delicious meat? I'll never understand why people eat bone-in wings. 

So even though I just discredited the hell out of myself for this review, I threw caution to the wind and decided to try and enjoy these anyway. Maybe they wouldn't be too gross. After all, how much of Mcdonalds meat actually comes from animals anyway?

It started of good:

This thing was juicy, cooked perfectly, and VERY crunchy. In fact, the crunch was quite good. I wasn't sure if I liked the spice, but the sheer amount of fried goodness and crunch was pretty awesome. 

Then it started to get too real. 

oh good, a giant black tendon thing

Oh good, a giant glob of fat cartilage goo attached to another tendon!

This is what it looked like when I finally gave up:

If you're one of those weirdos who would rather struggle with your food and leave half of what you ordered on your plate for stray dogs to eventually rip out of a dumpster, then these could be your new favorite item at McDonalds.

Ok, here's my best attempt at a non-biased review: For people who love bone-in wings, these surprised me a lot, solely because I wasn't expecting something like this from Mcdonalds. They're bigger than I thought, they're not horribly overpriced (this 3 piece was $3.69), they're COVERED in great crunch, and they certainly appeared to be real meat from a real animal (or at least a giant version of one). 

But even being as fair as I can be, these failed on 2 levels:

1. The flavor isn't buffalo. Yes, people who like wings like all types of flavor on wings, but what says football- wings with a random spice on them, or wings covered in buffalo sauce? These were just spicy, and I couldn't even really figure out what flavor they were supposed to be other than, well, "spicy."

2. The biggest reason of all: 

"Do you have blue cheese?"

"No, would you like to try ranch?"

Seriously, can you name anyone who eats wings with ranch? I think I've met 2 people in my entire life who use anything other than blue cheese. 2 people. 

My personal rating: D-

Rating for people who like bone-in wings: C+. Points deducted for confusing spice, level of junk that isn't meat, and lack of blue cheese. 

--------------------------------------------------

Would BK do any better?

HELL YEA THEY COULD! LOOK AT THAT MEAT! LOOK AT THAT CLEAR BUFFALO SAUCE! LOOK AT THE MESS!

These were extremely standard buffalo fingers. There's nothing special about them- they're just standard fingers dipped until soggy into delicious buffalo sauce. 

PROS: Where else can you get buffalo fingers as fast as BK can give them to you? It's incredibly weird that fast food places are offering something so messy that nobody would expect to be able to get at a drive thru, but I fully support it if it's done right. These aren't anything crazy, but they're solid. 

CONS: This picture says it all:

You're probably thinking "sure Mike, those are small. But it's fast food, they couldn't have been that expensive, right? What did that cost you, 2 bucks? You cheapskate!"

You're wrong. Those 3 miniscule and very thin fingers cost $3.99. That, good sir, is a rip off. 

But hey, they're a bit soggy and soft, they're smaller than I wanted, they're way too expensive, but I am getting buffalo fingers the easiest I ever have, and I'll enjoy them!

"Hey, I didn't get any sauce, can I get some blue cheese?"

"No, we don't have blue cheese. Would you like some ranch?"

Blue cheese, Burger King. ALWAYS BLUE CHEESE. 

I liked these better, but lack of blue cheese and feeling like the dude above after seeing what I got for 4 bucks makes these fair not much better than a B-. And that's if you keep blue cheese at home (which we do, of course). 

I appreciate the effort guys, but I guess this stuff should be left out of fast food's hands.

-review by Mike