Tuesday, November 19, 2013

McDonalds' New Value Menu Items: Bacon Buffalo Ranch McChicken, Bacon & Cheddar McChicken, BBQ Ranch Burger, and the Greatest Creation in Fast Food History?

Ever since McDonalds took the classic double cheeseburger (one of the greatest deals in the history of food) off the dollar menu in favor of the slap in the face known as the McDouble (seriously McDonalds, you're telling me that an extremely necessary item like a second piece of cheese means it should cost 30 cents more?), I've been pretty unimpressed with their value menu. 
Sure, they added the truly awesome Grilled Onion Cheddar burger, but at the same time, it's TINY and just makes me wish the CBO still existed. 

But now all of a sudden, out of nowhere like an early Christmas present, they have 4 new items and the return of the Bacon Mcdouble. I don't do McDoubles and it's just a double cheeseburger (with 1 stupid piece of cheese) with bacon, so I figured I'd save my hard earned money and bought the others instead. 

First up was the Bacon & Cheddar McChicken. It looked like a fine sandwich:


I opened her up to check out her guts. Lookin good!

why even bother with lettuce?

This was a pretty basic but pretty good sandwich. The McChicken was insanely peppery as it always is, but the cheese was awesome, the bacon was crisp and tasty (thank you McDonalds for finally getting bacon right), and the combination of flavors was solid. 

Whoever made this went a little mayonnaise crazy though- I have disgusted people with the amount of mayonnaise I've put on sandwiches and this even bothered me. Maybe it's because it mixed with the melted cheese and created a weird goo, I'm not sure. But it was too much.


This, of course, won't happen to everyone though. Generally, this sandwich shouldn't even have lettuce, and I kind of want tomato, but for a very simple creation, it gets the job done. I'll give it a B. Nothing to freak out about, (and maybe not worth $2) but definitely solid, and a vast improvement over the standard McChicken. 

Next up was the Bacon Buffalo Ranch McChicken. 


Bacon. Buffalo. Ranch. I'm in.

sweet heavens.

I also got extremely sauced on this one, and this also had completely unnecessary and barely-there lettuce. But even with too much sauce, this was pretty awesome. I didn't really taste much ranch (which is good since I'd rather have blue cheese)- the sauce is more just like a fairly tangy buffalo sauce. And it's spicy enough, but not too spicy. The problem for me was that, while I tasted bacon, buffalo is such a strong flavor that the bacon was overshadowed. And bacon being on there makes this fella cost $2, so that may be a problem for some cheapskates. Of course, there's also the bacon-less version for $1, but if you can get a sandwich with bacon or one without and you even think about not getting the one with bacon, you're... probably not reading this right now.

It was good though. I'll give it a B- 


Next up was my favorite of the 3, the BBQ Ranch Burger. 


Having not seen any commercials and looking at the menu for about a second before ordering, I figured this bad larry would just be what it says it is- a cheeseburger with ranch and BBQ sauce (which is possibly the greatest combination of sauces known to man). So what the hell else is on this?

THE ANSWER IS CHIPS

That's right- McDonalds stepped up their game, big time. Sure, the chips aren't the best quality and they can get a bit soggy being sandwiched between sauce and hot cheddar cheese, but the additional crunch and slight BBQ flavor (they're BBQ corn chips, like ghetto Fritos) was quite awesome. 

small, but delicious

And the sauce, though not as good as BBQ/ranch combo sauces I've had in the past, was still damn solid- very tangy and actually quite unique. It may be a love-it-or-hate-it flavor, but I'm in. I give this an A, partly for flavor, partly for the fact that THERE ARE CHIPS ON THIS BURGER AND THAT MEANS IT GETS AN INSTANT A GODDAMMIT.

--------------------------------------------------

Then I started thinking. 

I'm embarrassingly new to the whole combine-fast-food-to-make-your-own-creations thing, but after messing around with fry burgers, my mind is constantly in creation mode now. You could say I'm a creationist.

If you haven't explored the value menu at McDonalds since it was called the DOLLAR menu (thanks obama), then you may have missed out on the insanely simple yet delicious Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger I mentioned earlier. The caramelized onions are sweet and delicious and work wonderfully with burg and cheddar. But they're always too small and I want more. hmmm.....


Maybe if I just move some things around...

oh no

Loyal readers and new visitors to your new favorite website, I present to you possibly the greatest fast food creation known to man: The Grilled Onion Cheddar Bacon BBQ Ranch Double Cheeseburger, or G.O.C. tripB Q.R.D.C.B for short.

glorious mess 

I played around with this in the 3 times I've gotten this since I created it, and I've realized the best order of ingredients. Here's how you do it in 7 easy steps (I didn't want to attempt to order this- too much room for error). 

1. Order a Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger with bacon. 
2. Order a BBQ Ranch Burger.
3. Pay, tear open bags, begin drooling.
4. Take the top bun off the GOC Burger and throw it at someone.
5. Take the bottom bun off the BBQ Ranch Burger and feed it to the pigeons. 
6. Merge bunless sections together.
7. Heaven.


So to recap- this is a double cheeseburger with 2 pieces of cheddar cheese, a BBQ ranch combo sauce, bacon, caramelized onions, and BBQ corn chips. 


And it's INCREDIBLE.

I... can't... even.....

Honestly, you can taste every aspect of this beast- the ingredients differentiate themselves perfectly while somehow combining into one amazing flavor. The only downside might be the BBQ/ranch sauce if you don't like the flavor, but I think it's great. 

This is seriously something incredible- like, mind blowing. And it's $3.26! And you know what else? If the burgers are hot enough when you get them, the cheddar cheese merges together to create a cheese goo that surrounds the burger and helps keep it together. And you can give the extra buns to your dog that will probably rip them out of the trash anyway!


There are NO DOWNSIDES WHATSOEVER!

Although simple, this is a fantastic frankenburger with literally everything a man could want on a burger, for a cheap price, and I give it an A++++. It's truly one of my greatest accomplishments. 


-review by Mike

3 comments:

  1. I think you guys should go back to those peanut butter pop tarts, and put jelly on them, or maybe turn the frosted ones into smores or something.

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