BRGR BAR in Portsmouth NH!

When a place as cool as BRGR Bar opens up in our backyard, you know it's only a matter of time before we get the whole Fatguyfoodblog crew together and take a trip down there. How could we not? Cool name. Word of mouth told us they had an interesting menu. Word through the grapevine is that they also had crazy milkshakes. That's about all we needed to know. So here you go, we all throw our two cents in about BRGR BAR in Portsmouth, NH! 

RICH:  I started off my BRGR Bar experience by making a mistake I have often made in the past and will most surely make sometime again in the near future. I got a milkshake before my food. I know what you're thinking: "What a moron. That's going to fill him up like crazy and he won't be able to finish his food." Well, you'd be wrong. I did finish it all, but I simply wanted to die after from being so full. That being said; Damn, what a milkshake. I couldn't pass it up. When I read the words: Nutella + Marshmallow + Graham Cracker milkshake, it was like a voice from a primitive part of my brain spoke up and told me I had to get it. End of story. So how was it? 

It was like something you'd make up if you were offered three wishes from a genie. "Uh, I'd like Super powers, a trillion dollars and... A NUTELLA MARSHMALLOW GRAHAM CRACKER MILKSHAKE!" And you would not be disappointed. It was spectacular. Not too thick, not too thin, bursting with Nutella and marshmallow flavor. If you let it melt in your mouth you would find little flecks of graham cracker. Just absolutely excellent. When you get to the very end you get to slurp up a melted marshmallow that's slightly toasted on top. It's the perfect ending to a perfect shake.

JOSH:  You know what? I was insanely jealous of this thing. I'm more steak-and-potatoes-workin-man-thick and not a bearded man circle chuggin down sweets, so I opted out of getting one.

RICH: Nothing wrong with getting a milkshake with your burger and fries, Josh. It's a time honored tradition. Just because you're on a diet...

RICH: Despite telling me I was making a mistake and was going to feel awful after, I could see the jealousy in the eyes of Mike and Josh every time I took a sip and exclaimed to them how good it was. If you want some good advice from me, I'll dish it out right here. If you find yourself in BRGR Bar for a lunch or dinner, order this shake. I'm slapping an A+ rating on this bad boy with zero hesitation.

MIKE: He's right. I was jealous. I wanted to get a different shake or ADULT shake with booze in it. I wanted both, but ate before we went there since I thought the plan was for dinner, not a 3pm lunch! I may just stop in for a milkshake the next time I'm in Portsmouth.

RICH: For an appetizer I ordered up the Ricotta Sweet Potato Tots. I honestly didn't see how these could be bad and I was right. Upon delivery to our table, I was a little shocked at how few of these you get for seven bucks, but after slugging down half of that milkshake I was happy I only had a couple of these to eat after sharing with my fellow Fatguyfoodbloggers.

Crunchy outside breaded coating with a slight sweetness to it, followed by hot, gooey cheese middle. Excellent but very rich. I bet if you ate a whole order of these you would want someone to put you out of your misery. I, however would definitely recommend them. They get a B+ from me. The only downside is how few you get for your hard earned cash.

JOSH: Those were pretty good. I know what you're gonna say: "YEAH RIGHT JOSH YOU DUMB!" Just listen ok? The star of the appetizer that day were the Buffalo Brussels Sprouts. How could disgusting brussels sprouts be good? I have no clue, but the magicians at BRGR Bar somehow made these things into majestic flavorful beasts. The buffalo encasing the weird brussels sprout flavor was oddly satisfying, and dipping them into creamy gorganzola, just Michael Jordan dunked over Rich's lame ass tots. He said it to the waitress like Napoleon Dynamite: "Gimme yer tots." The flavor was unlike anything I'd had before, and was absolutely stellar.

MIKE: I'll eat something fancy or weird every now and then, but I'm generally an American Fatass when it comes to food- I like pretty basic, delicious, bad-for-me foods. I think I spit out the last Brussels Sprout I ate. The waitress kept saying "trust me, they're amazing." I don't think I would have taken the bait, but Josh is a weirdo who likes vegetables, so he did. They were incredible. I wouldn't even really say they tasted like vegetables- they were more of just something you could chew that was covered in delicious (and unique) buffalo flavoring. They weren't too hot, and they were oddly kind of sweet. And the gorganzola cheese was just fantastic. A perfect, messy mix of flavors. I have nothing but good to say about these things. 

RICH: I was very surprised that we even liked these. The waitress was very adamant that we try them. She told us numerous times that we would love them and I have to say I didn't believe here at all, but I was wrong. They were excellent. Such a weird, complex flavor. I'd definitely get them if I went there again, despite the fact that they look like something caught on an

"eat your buffalo brussels sprouts Tina"

RICH: For my burger I ordered the "OO-MOMMY," which boasts a Maine Family Farms patty topped with Gorgonzola, bacon jam, and crispy, fried onion rings. While there aren't a ton of choices on the BRGR BAR menu, I did find it pretty tough to decide which one to get, but come on, bacon jam? Onion rings? How could I NOT get this one?

Mike in the background is actually staring at my milkshake, longingly. 

The waitress said they recommend having it cooked medium, so I took her word on it, despite a nagging fear that it would be too rare for me. When it came out, it was a thing of beauty. Buttery bun glistening, massive onion rings bulging from the sides and the Gorgonzola slathered burger patty was practically still sizzling there on my plate. Since BRGR Bar is a little more fancy than your usual burger joint, I opted for cutting it in half, to lessen the chance I was going to have to scrub sauce or grease off of my shirt. After cutting it, I thought it did indeed look too pink in the middle. But after my first bite, my fears were put to rest. It was excellent!

Looked too pink, tasted tremendous. 

The onion rings have a bunch of thick batter around them and are full of great onion flavor. The bacon jam and Gorgonzola cheese melded together into a delicious sauce that I wish I could buy in a bottle. The bun was soft and chewy. I loved it all but the big deal ended up being the meat. So good. You could tell it's not processed frozen crap. This was straight up, grass fed local beef. You simply cannot go wrong with that.
I give this burger an A-. I enjoyed the hell out of it and was very satisfied. Why the minus? Get those damn greens off of that burger, man! They do nothing but take up space where there could be more cheese!

JOSH: Rich likes to blabber on, me I like to dip in and out, tell a few jokes, and say if the place was good. I opted for the "Poutine on a Portwalk"!

 

I ordered mine medium rare, and as you can see, it was a lot more rare than I thought it was going to be. But, being the man that I am, I powered on and still loved every bit of this thing. The burger consists of grass fed beef, fries, peppercorn gravy, melted cheese curd, and horseradish aioli.

Messy as hell and THICK

Is that just straight up raw meat?

yep it is.

JOSH: Biting into this burger, you find it's all the same consistency between two chewy buns. The flavors all blend together, and I honestly don't remember tasting much of the horseradish aioli, except for maybe a slight burn going on somewhere in the background. The cheese, fries, and meat all melded together to give the feeling you were biting into one giant delicious cheesy mess. The peppercorn gravy, which was also kind of lost inside the meat mess helped make sure the fries couldn't produce any texture. Don't get me wrong, as gross as it sounds, the burger had this quality to it that made that mess an absolute delight. The gravy and horseradish took me away enough from the cheese curd and meat to let me feel each level in my mouth. I'd 100% get this beast again, but maybe cooked this time to give the piece some backbone with which to stand. 

I'd give it a B. 

Was just great burger.  

MIKE: I got the same burger as Rich because it was the only one where I knew what every ingredient was. I'm not fancy enough for this place! It was good, but it didn't blow me away. I didn't taste different ingredients all that well, and the meat was a bit too pink for my taste. I still demolished it though, I'd just give it more like a B-/C+. I like my burgers trashy I guess.

Something these dudes didn't mention that is absolutely worth mentioning was the fries!

MIKE: We all got Parmesan Truffle fries, and although they didn't give us a ton, they were really good. I think we all forgot to take a close up shot, but they were pretty basic fries with cheese and seasoning that was really really good. They had a real herby taste to them, and they included mayonnaise- I'm not sure if that was for the burgers, or if we were supposed to pretend we were British and dip the fries in the mayo, but that's what I did. And it was fantastic- an absolutely awesome mix of tangy and spicy. They were served in a small metal bucket which was odd, but they could have been served in an old catcher's mitt and if they tasted as good as this, I'd have eaten every last one.

OVERALL EXPERIENCE-

RICH: I liked this place a lot and would definitely come back. Very interesting choices on the menu too. I feel like I could come back here six or seven times to try things that looked good. Also I have to say our waitress was phenomenal. I kept my receipt in my pocket for a few days so I could remember to get her name off of it for this review but ended up throwing it away without realizing what I was doing. She was so good. She knew the menu very well and convinced us to try something we were not going to try and it ended up being great. Not only that but she didn't attack us with 100 cliche waitress lines of small talk. She was great and she never let our drinks get empty. If I can find her name I'll edit this post so you can all ask for her when you go try them out.

JOSH: I agree, the waitress was incredible. The vibe to the place was small city chic (was I magically transported to New York City?) and everything in the place was its own creation. I applaud them in their creativity, service, and portions. I'll go back and definitely try to hit something else. maybe hit that shake that I made fun of Rich about. I'd give the cook a hearty clap on the back and a slightly too hard handshake while I stare into his eyes and measure his manliness with my ice cold gaze.  

MIKE: Josh's description of small city chic is pretty perfect. I absolutely felt like I was in NYC. The food is served on weird little metal platters with metal buckets which kind of made me feel like it was somewhere between hospital food and some sort of weird science lab, but I guess that's their gimmick. 

MIKE: I wasn't blown away by the burger, but I'd go back just for those brussels sprouts and a milkshake, 100%. Maybe TWO MILKSHAKES (I mean, if all I'm eating is vegetables, why not 2??)

Before you visit BRGR BAR, check out their site online and familiarize yourself with the menu!
http://brgr-bar.com/menus

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