Burger King Classic Grilled & Whopper hot dogs!

A dog is a man’s best friend. A hot dog is a hot man’s best friend. By the transitive property, hot dogs must be my best friends. But if I am what I eat, am I my own best friend?! Clearly not, as you’re supposed to treat your friends with love, and I apparently treat myself with the latest new Burger King offerings on a periodic basis. Sorry, BK, but you simply haven’t been making the cut for me lately.
I’m sure you’re aware (because I’m both the laziest and slowest review writer of the whole Fat Guy Food bunch), Burger King has hot dogs now, which I resent MERELY ON PRINCIPLE!! How can one claim to be the Burger King yet sell hot dogs? It’s almost an admittance that the hot dogs will be inferior to the burger. Otherwise, they’d be the Hot Dog King, which is a title I’ve already assumed and will fight to the death for. I’ve spent far too many sad, lonely nights in gas stations earning that title! I am truly the King of Wieners, any gas station attendant will tell you so. I’ve mastered every wiener in the Northeast! Come and get me, Burger King! But you best not bring a knife to this sword fight!
Well, now that I’ve burned through those stupid dick jokes, I’ll be straight up with you, my dear reader: hot dogs were once my favorite food. My dad has a poster I made in kindergarten called “About Me” that’s still shockingly accurate- favorite movie: Nightmare Before Christmas. Favorite Kanye Album: Yeezus. Favorite color: purple. Wait, nope, that one’s changed, it is now gray. But listed as my favorite food? Hot dogs. So when I realized this was my only option for a review I could write on the fly, and the subject material was a hot dog, I knew right then that the Burger King better bring it. Or else, I’d write a scathing review of that dog more savage than my last BK one. But why write a review on the fly? Because I’ve very conveniently got a Burger King that’s only 5 mins from my apartment! So, I trotted off on a short jaunt to the BK in Allston with hopes high and expectations low!

Oh. Oh dear.

Well apparently the word of my first BK review made it to the powers at be. Perhaps directly to his so-called Royal Majesty’s ears because this BK is clearly SHUTTERED BY ROYAL DECREE! Or possibly just going through a renovation. Either way this is awesome for me, because now to write this review I’ve already foolishly committed to, I had to trek to a spot 35 minutes from my real life work (according to Google). Thankfully, I managed to get there in 25, possibly because I’ve spent the better part of my life getting from Point A to Point B on my own two feet. So without further adieu, my review of the BK Classic Grilled Dog and the Whopper Dog!

First thing I noticed about these dogs is that they’re red. OK, you’re starting out with bonus points, BK. Red hot dogs are the only game in town in Maine, a state that I do not hail from but spent 4 years loafing about in, and I enjoyed my hot dogs to the max while I was there. But the second thing I noticed is what’s really going to put points on the board- the Classic Grilled Dog comes loaded with condiments. Ketchup, grilled onions, relish. Couldn’t have dressed it better myself! The dog itself was reminiscent of the elongated meat ovals of yore, which all things considered, is good. I can only imagine the process it would take to improve on that model. But, just like a key mistake made by the chefs of Charlie’s Kitchen in Cambridge , this classic could have been much improved by a grilled bun. No grilled bun, nothing to rave about. This is a slightly above average hot dog that’s only true merit is I didn’t have to dress it myself.
So, the only reason I ordered the Classic Grilled Dog was to serve as a comparison to the real subject of my review: the Whopper Dog! WOW! A hot dog in Whopper form. How long did it take the Executive Chef of Burger King’s test kitchens to fart out this idea? Did it take the length span of an average fart? Or maybe one of the seconds longer ones I occasionally have in the shower? We may never know.

BUT, WITH ANY STORY WORTH TELLING, HERE COMES THE TWIST. I LOVED THE WHOPPER DOG. I THOUGHT IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS! To be 100% honest with you, I can’t wait for the next time I lay eyes on a BK to order this scrumptious treat. What made it so great? It actually tasted just like a Whopper. The toppings and condiment scheme were the same- lettuce, mayonnaise, and all! I never realized that the composition of the Whopper is what made it a burger worth sometimes ordering. The same carries true to this hot dog. It blew its control group out of the water. I, as a “professional”  fast food reviewer, recommend this hot dog. Go get one! If you’ve ever had a Whopper before and enjoyed it, I have no doubt this will satiate you.

So, finally, the report card:
BURGER KING CLASSIC DOG: B. Like I said, bonus points for being red. And truly, this is a well-dressed dog. Just a simple grilled bun could’ve made this one an easy A.
BURGER KING WHOPPER DOG: FUCKING A+. IF YOU DIDN’T LIKE THIS YOU CAN SHOVE MY HOT DOG WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE, PAL. I’m writing this in Allston actually considering walking to Somerville to get another. Writing this review is actually making me hungry! But if it’s hot dogs that I crave, the local gas station isn’t going to do the trick. It simply must be the Whopper Dog, or NO DOGS ALLOWED!
I leave you on this note: All dogs go to heaven. Peace! –sl33zy

Review by sl33zy!

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Vulgar Display of Poutine Food Truck!

I’m not going to lie. I attended the event described in the above flier because of the two top billed acts. I knew two things: it was to support the former Off With Their Heads Drummer’s new food truck venture, and that I’d be getting drunk listening to music I love. I didn’t even know what the hell a “Pop-up” was. I was excited to see the play on the Pantera album “Vulgar Display of Power.” AND I got deliciously more than I bargained for. After a few whiskeys, I began to wonder when the food truck (‘round back, I assumed) would be open for business. The bartender explained that all I had to do is put in an order, and my poutine would be brought to me. Glorious.

After looking over the menu, it wasn’t an easy choice. I’m a poutine snob. I’ve had the good, the bad, and the mediocre. I’ve had poutine IN Canada. I almost went for traditional “The Regular” poutine. And though I’m sure it would have been phenomenal, I’m happy I didn’t. Once I saw the word PASTRAMI, there was no stopping me.

This. Was. Game-changing. This pile of hand cut fries, with a homemade gravy and cheese curds could not have been more complimented than it was with this beautiful lean pastrami, lean and cooked to perfection. One thing that made me a tiny bit concerned was the mustard. I wasn’t sure if that would clash with the gravy. It didn’t. This homemade mustard (concocted with both reduced AND fresh IPA) is perfect. I can honestly say this is THE BEST POUTINE I’VE EVER HAD. Or so I thought.

On my way out after the show, I made a point to poke my head in an thank the chef. Ryan Fisher, still working solo behind the galley took a minute to accept my thank yous, and obviously abundant praise. I told him how dumb I was for not trying other items on the menu, before it got so late. So what does the sweet sonofabitch do?! Hands me a to-go box of Mac N Cheese Poutine. Which was funny, because I immediately dug in and devoured it. I was in hog heaven. This was his regular poutine, topped with homemade mac n cheese, thick cut chunks of bacon, bread crumbs, and grilled tomatoes. I snapped a pic for prosperity, but I took no time to get an angle that would accurately portray the beauty of this carb and cheese overload.

THIS was the best poutine I’d ever had. They both were. This guy has created something I’ve been longing for since I knew what poutine was: a local legend. This beats anything I’ve ever had, and I can’t wait to have it again. And my only advice if you’re going to get some: make it a double. I’m not making the mistake of walking away with an empty hand again. I loved this poutine so much, I even got me a XXL shirt:

If you’re in the New England area you can put your money where my mouth was. Check out Ryan Fisher and his Vulgar Display of Poutine Food Truck at

Lord Hobo Brewery (Woburn, MA) June 17-19th
New Hampshire Poutine Fest (Manchester, NH) June 26th

Follow him on social media to know exactly where to find him:

Facebook: Facebook.com/vulgardisplayofpoutine
Instagram: @vulgardisplayofpoutine
Twitter: @VDOPFoodTruck
Merch: anxiousandangry.com

Review by Dave James! Dave James, lives in Cambridge, MA as a graphic designer, funny guy, lover.

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The Caramel Waffle Cone Frappuccino from Starbucks

WOA HO HO THERE PARTNERS!
Unless you've lived on the Pakistan/Afgahnistan border for, well you're whole life, and are too busy fighting infidels to head over to your local Starbucks, you probably know what a Frappaccino is. This time, the split-legged mermaid of Seattle's seedy coffee underbelly lures you into the shadows with yet another frozen candy treat!

Behold! The Caramel Waffle Cone Frappuccino! This creamy, and blissfully thick frappuccino is a limited time offering, such is the style these days. So should you throw your 13 pump caramel, 15 pump mocha, 12 pump blueberry, 7 pump vanilla double shot latte from Dunkin Donuts in your dogs face and smoke show it to your local Starbucks?

 
Let Fat Guy Food Blog let you know!

First sip into this second-highest-calorie-count-drink-on-the-menu and you're already starting to crave more. Caramel whip cream pours into your mouth through the straw, rushing in behind it is that familiar thick coffee ice cream cold sweetness that makes a frappuccino so GOD. DAMNED. DELICIOUS. But this one has a few tricks up it's sleeve. The caramel wraps around the entire experience, making you think this is all just one big ode to the countries second most favorite flavor. Once you've thrown that sip down towards the back of your throat, you find little bits of waffle cone. After you've thought the sweet candy treat was over, it loads up another RPG of flavor and delivers a shockingly sweet jihad of summer remembrances.

Bravo Starbucks. Not only are you Kings/Queens of your craft, you've managed to step your game up once again. If you ever need frappuccion beta testers, I can garauntee every one of us at FGFB would love to help you out.

 I give the Caramel Waffle Cone Frappuccino an

A+

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Review by Josh, who currently draws pictures of aliens and the devil.
http://joshuaandrewbelanger.com / http://grimnorth.com

Cold Stone Creamery's New Blueberry Donut Shake!

Cold Stone doesn’t get the respect it deserves. With so many options it gets lost in the shuffle.  Did you know you can get a funnel cake topped with ice cream there? Perhaps you’d be interested in a Churro Caramel CraveTM  instead?? Into dad jokes and bad puns? Try the Cookie Dougn’t You Want Some or The Pie Who Loved Me. They’re nothing if not creative. Which brings me to their newest delicious creation.

I’ve dipped French fries in milk shakes and blended full cake slices with milk shakes. I’ve stirred around bowls of ice cream until they transform into a warm shake. But never have I ever replaced the traditional, and now passé, cherry on top WITH A FULL FREAKING DOUGHNUT.

I tip my hat to the gluttonous culinary artist that devised this creation. Bravo. 

Yes, that’s approximately ¾ of a blueberry donut used as a garnish. And it is beautiful. I dipped mine in the whipped cream and it right off the bat as an appetizer. The donut, while not super fresh, was still tasty. I scarfed it down quickly so the freshness/flavor wasn’t really a factor. The shake itself was perfectly sweet, creamy, and rich. The handful of blueberries added a burst of fresh flavor and made it healthy?

Cold Stone’s new Blueberry Donut Shake is a marvel and definitely worth a trip. They nailed the blueberry doughnut flavor. How about a chocolate cake donut flavor next?

I award an A for having a delectable viscosity and for being healthy (because of the blueberries?)
For more on this and all the other incredible items you can find at Cold Stone Creamery, check out their website HERE!

This review was by Mark Sauer!

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Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter & Cookies!

Every time I start thinking it's been a while since I've seen a new Ben & Jerry's flavor, I end up looking in the freezer section the next time I'm in a supermarket and end up finding one. That's exactly what happened with their new limited batch, Peanut Butter & Cookies. I had just gotten done talking to one of the fellow writers of this very website when this one jumped out at me and you can bet I bought it without a second thought! 

Sounds so good, right?

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter & Cookies boasts Sweet Cream Ice cream with chocolate sandwich cookies and a crunchy peanut butter swirl. So basically, everything awesome that you could ever want in an ice cream, right? Alright, maybe not EVERYTHING. But still. Sounds pretty solid! If it's half as good as Milk & Cookies it will be a home run for sure! (If you've never tried Milk & Cookies, take a quick look at this review from the FGFB archives by our ex-writer Mike. God bless his poor soul.) 

After peeling the lid off, things were looking good. It definitely looked like Milk & Cookies, but with some peanut butter swirls. The best part of Milk & Cookies is that there was no bite that was just ice cream. Every single inch of that ice cream was loaded with cookie crumbs. This looked the same!

Looks like I'm trying to sip it like fine wine. 

You can almost see the wonder in my eyes. I was so sure that this was going to be incredible. Everything my cookie and peanut butter loving brain could ever want. But, alas, I was wrong. Peanut Butter & Cookies was actually not that good at all. What was the problem? The "chocolate sandwich cookies", that's what. The actual ice cream was okay and the crunchy peanut butter swirl was tasty and added a nice crunch here and there, as well as some saltiness to battle against the sweet. But those cookies are TERRIBLE. I literally unearthed an entire cookie in the middle of this pint. It hadn't been smashed or shredded or anything. The entire thing was there like some Mayan artifact dug up by a gang of thieves in the jungle. I stared at it in awe but when I spooned it into my mouth I might as well have popped a cleverly disguised piece of cardboard in there instead. Bland. Barely any taste at all. Then I realized that all the cookie pieces were like this.  Those cookie pieces that are in every single bite.

If you look back through our history with Ben & Jerry's flavors, there are very few that we've ever given bad reviews. We love those guys. But this time there's no saving it. I, for one, am happy this is a limited batch because it doesn't deserve to stick around. I would say bypass giving this one a try and grab up one of your old favorites instead, like Chubby Hubby, or Phish Food! Otherwise you're going to get a generic sweet ice cream with salty peanut butter swirls and big gobs of tasteless fake cookies.
Hey Ben, Jerry, I know you're trying to save a few bucks on ingredients and all, but I know some guys over at Nabisco who do a pretty good chocolate sandwich cookie. Perhaps you should team up!

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter & Cookies: D-

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Review by Rich Brunelle, who currently resides on the West Coast, until Mt. St. Helens decides to erupt and set off a chain reaction that dumps the entire left side of the country into the ocean.

Pizza Hut BACON STUFFED CRUST PIZZA!

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. The deep thoughts were brought on by eating Pizza Hut’s Bacon Stuffed (stuft?)Crust Pizza. Swirling around my head have been thoughts on other bacon stuffed foods. I’ve indulged in bacon-laden cinnamon rolls, bacon-gorged cheeseburgers, and bacon-infused soda. Did the addition of greasy pork morsels improve these foods, I asked myself. I then realized that there were in fact stupid questions, despite what my teachers always told me.  Swine makes everything better and you should never question that.


Pizza Hut has been a love it or hate it chain for years, but I urge you to check them out if it’s been a while. They’re no longer the oily and indigestion-causing pizza chain. That honor now goes to Domino’s. How have they improved? They’ve added a plethora of ways to customize your pie-from garlic butter or pretzel crusts to white or buffalo sauces to a few new toppings. For me, it’s all about that balsamic drizzle at the end. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Hut’s intuitive online pizza ordering system. The future is now!

Back on track. Thank you, Pizza Hut. After several depressing months of uninspired offerings from my favorite chains, the Hut goes ahead and appeals to my most depraved instincts by impregnating their new crust with cheese and bacon. They’ve done this before, but not with Applewood Smoked Bacon; they used regular Hardwood Smoked Bacon. We can all agree that there’s a major difference in the smoking process? Ok, I couldn’t tell the difference, it tasted like bacon and that’s all that matters.

If you’re one of those obnoxious people who doesn’t eat their crust, this ain’t the pizza for you. To make room for all the fatty goodness PH had to increase the crust size. Simple physics. The good news for those loathsome crust-chuckers is that the new crust resembles buttery Bosco sticks as opposed to dried out bread heels. And you can add RANCH flavor to them. RANCH.

That’s grilled chicken and cherry peppers on my creation. The chicken tastes like actual chicken, not that rubbery crap you find occasionally. The peppers surprised me with a blast of sweet heat and added another layer to the flavor profile. To the newbies, that’s the balsamic drizzle, which adds a tangy/sweet flavor. My only qualm about this pizza is that it drooped in the middle, so a fold was in order. Not sure if they didn’t cook quite long enough or the amount of toppings made it sloppy, but this was a messy pizza.

The crust was phenomenal. Like I said before, they were like cheesy, bacon-y, ranch flavored breadsticks-and they’re attached to a pizza! I was expecting the cheese to ooze and/or stretch , but just like the disappointing Quesarito-no stretchy cheese!-the cheese was just kind of there. But it was melted nicely and added even more satisfying texture and flavor to the pizza. The bacon was in bit form, perhaps a bit chunkier, but still had a strong bacon flavor.
I was already a fan of Pizza Hut and their endless customization and drizzle options. Their decadent new crust just gave me another reason to splurge.


Slight droop and messy pizza with tons of flavor and satisfying melted cheese and bacon equals: A-

Review by Mark!

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When Feeling Good Tastes Right: Laney & Lu's Cafe

As a Fat Guy Food Blogger, I can choke down my fair share of grease covered cheese with the rest of them. But there comes a time, albeit infrequent, when you'd like to not feel like the demons of hell are filling your guts with hot diarrhea, forgo the familiar decadent mouth fiesta, and feed your pig hole with something your body can actually use, instead of just pushing out a volcano blast of black tar.
I'm not sure if Laney & Lu's will love that intro, but if you find yourself in Exeter, NH. and want a feel good, freshly made food service, then by all means, Laney & Lu's is your place to go.

Nestled just on the north end of Exeter, this place offers quite the menu of freshly made brunch items.
First and foremost, let's talk COFFEE. Decided to go in and try their weirdest, most least capitalist pig loving offering. Turmeric Coffee.

Turmeric, steamed almond milk, unrefined cold-pressed coconut oil, pastured ghee, turmeric infused maple syrup, spices, blended. Alright, I get it, now what in the hell is Turmeric?

This guys website tells me that this ground herb is a great anti-inflammatory, as well as providing IBS relief, arthritis, prevents cancer, alleviates symptoms of cystic fibrosis, and if you already got the cancer, guess what? this shit helps STOP METASTASES!

HEY CANCER!

 
Kidding and as new-agey as this sounds aside, I'm pumped to give this super herb a try.

If you've ever had coffee made with any kind of oil, you kind of know what you're about to get into. A sip into the turmeric coffee ended up being an experience. The foam on top, served as a thick foam puck, which delivered a small taste of turmeric, foam, holding the spices close your nose, while you sip this slightly maple/gingery butter coffee. The taste was different but extremely positive. With most coffees, that foam top ends disappearing, but here, it stays put and continues it's function of spice and creamy scent delivery, making for a great breakfast hang out coffee.

Epic Egg Sammie

Next I decided to go ahead with their version of a breakfast sandwich. The Epic Egg Sammie features organic egg fried in coconut oil, locally baked Leaven sourdough, spinach, sliced tomato, pesto, local grass-fed raw cheddar cheese, avocado. Leaven breads been popping up quite a bit lately in the northeast, and with good reason. Their bread is thick, soft, and flavorful. The bread trifecta. This tastes absolutely delicious, a smooth bite of the egg and tomato, then wrapped up in cheese sharpness, while hugged by perfect bread. My only complaint would be the size of the sandwich doesn't really fit it's name, epic, at all. It's tiny, but hey you're not here to gorge friend, you're here to taste the wonders of the natural world not swig back a 64oz mountain dew.

And now, the star of the show. Not featured on it's regular menu, but a spring special, The Raspberry Tahini.

A thick slice of Leaven sourdough bread toasted and topped with avocado slices, raspberries, their homemade lemon tahini sauce, and mint. Hey Rich! They also offer Three Bakers Gluten Free ancient grain bread as well. I know how you only demand the most ancient of grains on your bread. The flavors all wrapped together and delivered a smoothly sweet breakfast toast, and when you think that maybe those raspberries would be too tart, the tahini douses those thoughts with a thick faint nuttiness, and refreshes you with a little hint of mint. Absolutely stellar.

The more I think about my experience at Laney & Lu's, the more I think that these foods are extremely well planned to deliver a fresh food experience. Creating that balance with the ingredient quality and flavor quality must be a delicate balancing act, and if there was a high-wire act named Laney & Lu I'd buy a ticket because these two have this flavor/body balancing act down pat. Thank you!

Turmeric Coffee: B
as good as this is, the coffee flavor is a little too slight

Epic Egg Sammie: B
rock solid, but this is FGFB, I'd like it larger!

Raspbery Tahini: A+
absolutely perfect, don't change a thing!

Need to email us and let us know how much we rock? Do you want us to try your product? Perhaps looking for advice on how to step up dinner tonight? Want us to peep your dick pics? Here's how to reach us online:
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Review by Josh, who currently draws pictures of aliens and the devil.
http://joshuaandrewbelanger.com / http://grimnorth.com

AFTER THE REVIEW:

Leaven sourdough with Avocado, tomato, radish

 The lady got this one, was good, but after biting into that Raspberry Tahini, I could see the disappointment with her breakfast choice!