Pizza Hut BACON STUFFED CRUST PIZZA!

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. The deep thoughts were brought on by eating Pizza Hut’s Bacon Stuffed (stuft?)Crust Pizza. Swirling around my head have been thoughts on other bacon stuffed foods. I’ve indulged in bacon-laden cinnamon rolls, bacon-gorged cheeseburgers, and bacon-infused soda. Did the addition of greasy pork morsels improve these foods, I asked myself. I then realized that there were in fact stupid questions, despite what my teachers always told me.  Swine makes everything better and you should never question that.


Pizza Hut has been a love it or hate it chain for years, but I urge you to check them out if it’s been a while. They’re no longer the oily and indigestion-causing pizza chain. That honor now goes to Domino’s. How have they improved? They’ve added a plethora of ways to customize your pie-from garlic butter or pretzel crusts to white or buffalo sauces to a few new toppings. For me, it’s all about that balsamic drizzle at the end. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Hut’s intuitive online pizza ordering system. The future is now!

Back on track. Thank you, Pizza Hut. After several depressing months of uninspired offerings from my favorite chains, the Hut goes ahead and appeals to my most depraved instincts by impregnating their new crust with cheese and bacon. They’ve done this before, but not with Applewood Smoked Bacon; they used regular Hardwood Smoked Bacon. We can all agree that there’s a major difference in the smoking process? Ok, I couldn’t tell the difference, it tasted like bacon and that’s all that matters.

If you’re one of those obnoxious people who doesn’t eat their crust, this ain’t the pizza for you. To make room for all the fatty goodness PH had to increase the crust size. Simple physics. The good news for those loathsome crust-chuckers is that the new crust resembles buttery Bosco sticks as opposed to dried out bread heels. And you can add RANCH flavor to them. RANCH.

That’s grilled chicken and cherry peppers on my creation. The chicken tastes like actual chicken, not that rubbery crap you find occasionally. The peppers surprised me with a blast of sweet heat and added another layer to the flavor profile. To the newbies, that’s the balsamic drizzle, which adds a tangy/sweet flavor. My only qualm about this pizza is that it drooped in the middle, so a fold was in order. Not sure if they didn’t cook quite long enough or the amount of toppings made it sloppy, but this was a messy pizza.

The crust was phenomenal. Like I said before, they were like cheesy, bacon-y, ranch flavored breadsticks-and they’re attached to a pizza! I was expecting the cheese to ooze and/or stretch , but just like the disappointing Quesarito-no stretchy cheese!-the cheese was just kind of there. But it was melted nicely and added even more satisfying texture and flavor to the pizza. The bacon was in bit form, perhaps a bit chunkier, but still had a strong bacon flavor.
I was already a fan of Pizza Hut and their endless customization and drizzle options. Their decadent new crust just gave me another reason to splurge.


Slight droop and messy pizza with tons of flavor and satisfying melted cheese and bacon equals: A-

Review by Mark!

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PIZZA HUT WEEK, DAY 5: Cock-A-Doodle Bacon

Day 5.

 I'm sure you're all Black Friday'd out, you were up all night, chasing down deals, finding cheap blu rays, and pretending that the 55" 720p you bought isn't absolute garbage. You're tired, hungry, and just want to relax the night away wondering why you bought that $25 chromecast since you have 10 other things that do the exact same thing. You know what's actually not garbage? The Pizza Hut Cock-A-Doodle Bacon Pizza.

The Stats:
 The Cock-A-Doodle Bacon boasts Creamy garlic Parmesan sauce, grilled chicken, hardwood smoked bacon and diced Roma tomatoes—flavored up with toasted Parmesan on the crust.
I ensure you dear reader, that us here at FGFB have not been paid by Pizza Hut in any way. I'm just letting you know, because like past 4 posts, we all absolutely loved this pie.

Everything about this Pizza was orgasmic. Picking up a slice, you noticed the sheer heft of it. The bacon,  thick like jerky (which I previously mentioned) pairs as you'd expect from the above average pizza chicken. The Roma tomatoes, the most popular of all tomatoes since 2007, adds that sweet flavor that we thought we lost by taking the tomato sauce out of the equation. I believe this really helped in keeping the traditional pizza flavor by reminding us that it's still there, and introduces us to something different. And our star, The Parmesan sauce. It felt much thicker than it did on other pizzas, and it provided a layer of cheese so creamy, even a man with the last name "Cheese" would approve.

The crust on this thing does exactly what the crust on a pizza is supposed to do. It casually drives all of these flavors into your mouth and adds that slightly greasy crunchy bed in which where you get to reflect and enjoy everything that just took place.

 I think out of all these pies, the Pizza Hut Cock-A-Doodle Bacon takes the prize out of the best overall pizza experience. The hardest part, is saying the words Cock-A-Doodle to a grown man or woman, on the other side of the line. Hell, that's what online ordering is for.

I give the Pizza Hut Cock-A-Doodle Bacon and A+

Pizza Hut overall, an A. 

PH has long been my favorite chain pizza restaurant, and I'm glad that now that the've changed things, they just went ahead and made everything better. In doing so, I know for a fact that now, when Pizza is brought up, I won't be the only one throwing in Pizza Huts name into the race. Thank you PH for taking this bold new step and letting us as fat, ugly, lazy, Americans have pizza any way we actually want it. 

-Josh

Feel free to drop us a line if there's an item or place you'd like us to review, or to just tell us how awesome we are. You can email us at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com or hit us up on facebook or twitter!

PIZZA HUT WEEK, DAY 4: Cherry Pepper Bombshell

Day 4 of FGFB Pizza Hut week brings us to a pizza I can confidently say I would never try if it wasn't for us trading slices, but that taught me that leaving your comfort zone can be a great thing. 

By the way, if we haven't said this yet- you should do what we did. You don't have to be a bunch of pizza-crazed fat guys watching wrestling. You can just be people who like pizza. Get a bunch of different pizzas and slice-for-slice trade. You'll get to try weird stuff that you maybe wouldn't normally. And you may find something extraordinary you've been missing out on. Do it. 

So anyway, when we ordered, Dan was the only one of us who had tried a new Pizza Hut pizza, and although he wanted to try one (or all) of the other 20 new pizzas, he got what he had gotten before, because he was freaking out so hard about how good it was- the Cherry Pepper Bombshell. 

I assumed a cherry pepper bombshell looked something like this:

but nope. Sadly, it looks like this: 

what is that, lettuce? Is this a salad or a pizza?

Dan was more excited to eat something he'd already eaten than we were to try a whole new menu. Look at him peaking at Rich's chocolate chip cookie while Rich wasn't looking!

probably mouth breathed all over it

So this thing is as described: "premium crushed tomato sauce, premium salami (thank god they're both premium!), Peruvian cherry peppers and fresh spinach- flavored up with toasted Asiago on the crust edge and a balsamic sauce drizzle." They recommended their thin n' crispy crust, so that's what we got.

We opened up the box and although they forgot spinach, I was pretty impressed with this thing:

lookit that color!

Truthfully, I would't want spinach anyway. I like spinach in some things, but only cooked spinach. I can't imagine raw spinach leaves would improve this pizza, but Dan swears that it does. I'll have to find out later, because clearly, the night we ordered, Pizza Hut was either out of spinach or the person who made these pies hates it and tried to spare us.

I was pretty out of my comfort zone on this one. I've never had a peruvian cherry pepper and am usually pretty hesitant when it comes to peppers in general. I'm sure I've had salami on a meat pizza, but I don't think I've had it in giant slices like this- so predominant and huge. And I certainly had never had a balsamic glaze on a pizza, and probably not on anything else to be honest. Laugh at my food ignorance, but I hear "balsamic" and I think of salad dressing. And that's not something I want on a pizza. 

But this? This I want on a pizza.

So I'll break this down for you. 

Peruvian Cherry Peppers: Out. Standing. They're so sweet, they're like candy. There is absolutely no spice to them, and the Hut chopped them up nice and small so the pizza didn't get all watery, like green peppers can do. These have an almost fruity (not too fruity) sweetness that's hard to describe really- they are unique and they are special. 

Balsamic Glaze: While I don't agree that I want this on every pizza ever like Josh said in his review, it is absolutely essential to the success of this particular pizza. It kicks the sweetness of the cherry peppers- sorry, PERUVIAN cherry peppers into the next stratosphere. This glaze is like sweet, syrupy candy sauce, but sweet in a way that I feel like it would only work as well as it does with other sweet toppings. But man, it is fantastic on this pizza. Great job, Pizza Hut.

Salami: Just salty and spicy enough that it really works nicely to offset the sweetness of everything else. Pepperoni, my standard pizza topping, would probably be too spicy, while this really works very well. I noticed a slight spice in my mouth after finishing my piece, which is probably a little from the salami and a little from the peppers. But again, not too much.

Spinach: I don't know, but I'll find out, cuz I'll be getting this again. I feel like the last thing this pizza needs is bitterness, but maybe it adds just enough to make the sweetness not so ridiculous, while adding some texture and vegetables so Mom is happy. 

The crust was thin. That's about all I can say about it. The same goes for the Asiago crust. I have no complaints, but neither added a lot. It'd be hard for anything to really stand out on this candy pizza other than the candy.

As this pizza was, I have no choice but to give it an A. It's not something I'll get all the time though. It honestly was so sweet, I felt like I was eating a dessert pizza, which was kind of weird to me. But hey, I'm an adult. Why couldn't I just get a standard Mike pizza, then get one of these for dessert? Any pizza with any customization for only 11 bucks online? That's not a bad 22 dollar dinner and dessert right there...

-review by Mike

Feel free to drop us a line if there's an item or place you'd like us to review, or to just tell us how awesome we are. You can email us at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com or hit us up on facebook or twitter!

PIZZA HUT WEEK, DAY 3: The Pretzel Piggy

Day three, and you're wondering, "How in the hell are they going to keep reviewing pizzas?" Well consider your mouth slapped cause here is, what I believe, is the best in the Hut offerings so far. You've read the stories on how this came to be, so I won't bore you with the rehashing of the tale of Ol' Fat Hobbit Dan and his news of pizza from far away lands. I'll just get straight to the pizza!

First off, I'm going to say that I 1000% disagree with the other two on their once ignorant hatred for the Hut. Pizza Hut has long been a favorite of mine. Stuffed crust is something I think the world can unite on as being the single most innovative thing to happen to pies in the 20th century, but Pizza Hut Pan Pizzas have had the best crust of any pizza place that I've ever had. It's signature grease soaked crust adds another layer of flavor to which is an often overlooked part of a pie. So when I read their posts, and see that they have finally come around....

So enough bullshirting around, let's get to what you all want to see, The Pretzel Piggy.

This pie boasts Creamy garlic Parmesan sauce, hardwood smoked bacon, fresh mushrooms and fresh spinach—flavored up with a salted pretzel crust edge and a Balsamic sauce drizzle. If you've noticed, I did alter the pizza slightly. Mushrooms are only good for altering your consciousness and don't belong on pizza, so I went ahead and substituted them for banana peppers. What I tasted, truly changed the pizza game.

First slap onto my tongue, was exquisite. The creamy Parmesan sauce, had a nice thick cheesy feel, one that might mimic cheese to dip pretzels in. Unfortunately they forgot the spinach on this work of art, but that's ok, I'm sure not having it didn't take away, but having it would definitely add to the overall texture to this.

Now, the odd thing in this whole dynamic was the bacon. The bacon was actually quite good, flavorful, it had a slight jerky texture, which I didn't hate. So what actually took me aback, was the fact that the bacon played second flavor fiddle to what can only be described as the greatest addition to pizza of all time, balsamic drizzle. I absolutely NEVER want a pizza without it now. The vinegar just pushed the flavor of the cheese and Parmesan sauce over the edge.

So up until now, the pizza sounds like the greatest pizza ever correct? Not so. As you get towards the end of the slice and into the highly anticipated Pretzel crusted edge, you notice how incredibly salty it is. Not just a little, but pizza ruining, mouth burning salt. So much salt you could pay an entire Roman fleet (sometimes Roman soldiers were paid in salt, it's where the word salary comes from).

Honestly this pizza was stellar, but where it fell flat was at the crust, which if you remember from earlier in the post was always my favorite part of Pizza Hut. This won't be my last time getting the Pretzel Piggy, next time I'll request if they can put a little less of that salt on there, and I think we might have one of my favorite pizzas of all time. Much better than Rich or Mikes that they reviewed.

Pretzel Piggy: B

Pizza Hut in general: A+

-Josh

I highly suggest you get some of these, it'll turn your average wrestling pizza party from this

to this

As always, feel free to drop us a line if there's an item or place you'd like us to review, or to just tell us how awesome we are. You can email us at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com or hit us up on facebook or twitter !

PIZZA HUT WEEK, DAY 2: The Giddy-up BBQ Chicken Pizza!

Much like my buddy Mike, in recent years I have not been a fan of Pizza Hut. I used to freak out for the stuffed crust, I once even deemed it my favorite pizza. In fact, I once made a bet with a friend and the wager was a large onion stuffed crust. I won! Now way before that, I used to be a little fat kid who loved to read books. So when Pizza Hut was doing BOOK IT, I would tear through books like a madman to get those damn little stars so I could earn a personal pan pizza. Tough for my mom to say no to a trip to the Hut when I was getting a free pie out of the deal! But lately I just haven't been a fan. Seemed like the same old thing over and over. That coupled with the fact that I downright despise their pan pizza crust. I would honestly rather not have pizza than eat a slice of that. Something about how spongy and loaded with grease it is. I'm cringing just thinking about it.

But then, just when you think Pizza Hut is down for the count. Just when you're about to toss the first shovel full of dirt onto it's casket...

Ol' Pizza Hut still has some life left in them! 

I'm going to be honest here, looking at the new Pizza Hut menu offerings, I was taken aback. I had seen the articles. The Internet buzz had swept me up and I read through it all with glee. But when it came time to order, I panicked. WHAT PIE DO I GET?! Which crust? Sauce?! WHAT DAMN DRIZZLE WILL I HAVE THEM DRENCH IT WITH?!?! These questions plagued us all. But what I finally did was say, I am going to try one of the specialty pizzas that they put together for me, but one that boasts all the things that I love.

Well that wasn't hard. The Giddy-up BBQ Chicken pizza had my name written all over it. Sure, the name is kind of corny, but the combination of ingredients was too good to pass up! BBQ sauce, grilled chicken, hardwood smoked bacon, and red onions. But to top it off? Their new crispy cheddar crust and a bbq sauce drizzle! LET'S DO THIS, PIZZA HUT!

We are WAY too happy about this stack of pizzas. 

First off? This is a beautiful looking pizza. A+ for presentation right out of the box! 

 I ordered it on the hand tossed crust, which the website recommended. I also stuck with the cheddar crust, because HOW COULD THAT BE BAD?  So from what I can tell with these crusts, is that they either add cheese in certain ways, or a glaze to the crusts to enhance them. So with this one they added a ton of cheddar to it, so you get that crispy overcooked cheese all around it, and it's phenomenal. It adds another level of crispiness to the crust that was just excellent.

The biggest thing you notice about this pizza right away? How sweet it is. The bbq sauce on this thing is like candy. Willy Wonka himself would take a bite out of this and instantly throw a thumbs up and start dancing about it. It's a classic mix of bbq chicken pizza. Nice white meat chicken, covered in sweet bbq sauce, crunchy onions, huge chunks of delicious bacon and just the right amount of cheese. And then that crust! Two distinct crunches rolled into one! I don't have a bad thing to say about this pizza! Not one!

I'm going to give the Pizza Hut Giddy-up BBQ Chicken an A+
If you're down with a good BBQ chicken pie, this one is for you. Get it on the hand tossed crust with the cheddar. You won't be sorry!

Be sure to check out the rest of our Pizza Hut reviews for the rest of the week (EVEN ON THANKSGIVING!) and be sure to check out the first one from Monday.  It's a great review AND it's loaded with helpful hints about how/what to order, complete with all of the options laid out on a couple big charts!

As always, feel free to drop us a line if there's an item or place you'd like us to review, or to just tell us how awesome we are. You can email us at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com or hit us up on facebook or twitter !


Review by Rich

Pizza Hut Relaunches Its Whole Menu! FGFB PIZZA HUT WEEK: Day 1: Old-Fashioned Meatbrawl

A few weeks ago, our pal Dan was hanging out at our house, probably watching something awesome like wrestling, and he said "oh wait, have you guys heard about the new Pizza Hut menu?"

While my ears flipped up like a dog hearing his name come dinner time, I wasn't as psyched as I should have been. After all, it's Pizza Hut. Who cares?

I grew up eating mostly local pizza places- a lot of "Houses of." Sometime in high school, a Pizza Hut opened up in the next town over, and we got it a few times. It was solid, but it wasn't until 1995, when the greatest invention my young eyes had ever seen came out that I fell in love. The Stuffed Crust pizza made me an instant Pizza Hut fanboy. A Huttie. 

Over time, Pizza Hut became a staple of my diet as my weekly Friday night pizza. Then I went to college in the middle of nowhere, and I was back to local places. I didn't visit the Hut for years. When I finally went back a few years after college, I wondered what the hell I had been doing eating Pizza Hut growing up. It was terrible. Somehow, they had ruined the sauce- it was either oddly bitter and peppery, or weirdly sweet. I'd get it again a year or so later, and it was better, but still pretty blah. Perhaps my tastes had matured and left the Hut behind.

I didn't care though- I had local places, so Pizza Hut kept going without me caring. And apparently not a lot of other people cared either. 

Remember when nobody cared about Domino's a few years ago and they changed how they made pizza? I didn't think the new version was that much better, but I loved that they flat out admitted that they had been failing at making good pizza, and they were going to try their best to fix that. And then they delivered with their Pan Pizza. That 2 topping Pan Pizza for $7.99 (now $8.99, bastards) deal changed my life. That pizza is SO GODDAMN DELICIOUS that all of a sudden, crappy old Domino's was back on my large pizza-shaped radar. And I'd never call them crappy again. In fact, I'd stop anyone who spoke ill of Domino's and hold my hand out- waiting for them to finish so I could tell them how wrong they'd find out they were once they got a pan pizza.

And now, after seeing what can be done with an overhaul and commitment to better oneself, Pizza Hut has adopted Domino's strategy and has truly come out of the shadows to give the mainstream pizza world a beautiful glowing light of hope. 

At least I'd hoped.

As Dan read off the changes Pizza Hut would be making, my eyes grew wider after everything he said. The things he was telling me were blowing my mind. 

New ingredients including crazy stuff like Peruvian Cherry Peppers. 

New sauces like a Creamy Garlic Parmesan.

And new options for customization that seemed impossible. I could now get crust flavors, which means they will sprinkle and brush seasonings onto the crust and bake it- from expected stuff like toasted parmesan to insane stuff like honey sriracha. 

And last and absolutely not least, I could get "Sauce Drizzles," meaning they will draw a pretty little circle of sauce over the top of your pizza, from normals like barbeque and buffalo sauce to the super fancy Balsamic, which is a "slightly sweet reduction of Modena, Italy, balsamic vinegar, aged in oak and chestnut casks."

Wow.

AAAAAND, across 3 different menus (New Recipes, Flavor Pioneers, and Skinny Pizzas), there are now 21 new specialty pizzas. Twenty one.

So, this Sunday, while we watched Survivor Series (we apparently watch a lot of wrestling), we decided to help Pizza Hut out on their launch weekend, and ordered a lot of pizza.

First of all, there are, according to Pizza Hut, 2 billion possible combinations. And, once you set up an online account at pizzahut.com, you can go through and make your own monster, try a specialty pizza, or try a specialty pizza and make your own monster out of it. The possibilities are endless and insane. (Oh- and just make an account. Because if you don't, the website will ask you to on EVERY SINGLE THING YOU CLICK.)

We really like pizza though, so I'm gonna tell you now- we didn't go insane just for insane purposes. While Pizza Hut currently has an $11 for ANY pizza deal, we still wanted to enjoy our pizzas. And we did. Oh yes, we did.

What did I try first? The Old-Fashioned Meatbrawl.

and it was beautiful

This guy is described as follows: Classic marinara sauce, classic meatballs, fresh red onions and diced Roma tomatoes, with "Hut favorite" on the crust edge (garlic buttery blend with grated parmesan and Italian herbs). I felt I wanted a little bit of spice, so I added pepperoni, and went with my old favorite, stuffed crust. I also changed the sauce- as much as I like a marinara and meatball combo, I really wanted to try the Premium Crushed Tomato sauce. 

It really looked like a glorious pie. As excited as I was to try the new Pizza Hut, I didn't expect it to look this good.

It was a great pizza. It really was. 

I'm gonna tell you right now- with a name like Meatbrawl, this one seemed like one we had to order. I imagined taking pictures of me fighting my pizza. I imagined the meat from this pizza kicking my ass, and I would be the loser of the Meatbrawl, while simultaneously being the winner (cuz I'd be eating delicious pizza, duh). But none of those pictures happened, because this pizza was, for lack of a funny thing to say, positively delightful. While clearly "meatbrawl" was just a clever take on meatball, it sounds violent, and this pizza was too good and too fancy to be called something as violent as a Meatbrawl. It should be called something tender and sweet, like a Meat Massage or something.

Ok, maybe not "Meat Massage."

The meatballs were really good- very flavorful and tender, but with the occasional crispness around the edge. I'm not a big onion guy, but these were crisp and pretty perfectly distributed. The tomatoes were awesome and very sweet, made even more sweet by the crushed tomato sauce. The greatness of the sauce was most noticed when I got towards the end of the piece and it was just stuffed crust and a little sauce. The sweetness really went well with the stuffed crust. But what went even better with it was the Hut Favorite crust flavoring. Each crust was a garlic and italian herb mozarella stick with tinges of sweet sauce. I wondered how I had ever enjoyed stuffed crust without this. So good.

We all did piece-for-piece trades that night so we could really experience all Pizza Hut had to offer, and I liked everything I had. But those other pizzas will have to wait until tomorrow. Wait, what? A review tomorrow?

Yea, that's right. Today marks the beginning of FGFB PIZZA HUT WEEK. A different pizza every day. Yea, we know it's Thanksgiving week. You know what we're thankful for? The new Pizza Hut.

For real- this pizza was perfectly put together and everything about it ruled. I don't know if I'd get this exact one again, but I'd take parts of it into my next journey for sure. 2 billion possible combinations and an (online only) $11 for any pizza deal? Congratulations Pizza Hut, you're back from the grave, and you've reached one half-rotted, decrepit zombie arm out of the dirt and directly into my heart.

Pizza Hut in general: A+
This pizza: A

-review by Mike


Oh, you're still reading? Good. Cuz I made these charts for you to condense the website onto 1 picture. You're welcome. Click it to make it big.

New specialty pizzas:

And here's some other key elements of the ordering process condensed for our loyal readers. On the left is the beginning of the process, when you can select the specialty pizzas we got. Below that is the options for sauce drizzles. And to the right are the options for crust flavors. Study these, then get to ordering before Pizza Hut realizes how insane it is to give you any pizza for $11.

Again, 

Little Caesars Soft Pretzel Crust Pizza

It's been awhile since ole Mike graced your presence with a fatguyfoodblog babblefest, but when I heard there was a whole new way to get sick at Little Caesars, I was all over it. 

I like Little Caesars. Their pizza rates about a C/C+ for chain pizza, but an A+ for value. The only value close to as good as this, in my opinion, is being able to buy a slice of roni from Cumberland Farms for a buck. But even a whole pizza there is 7 bucks, and good ole Caesar only charges 5. And it's lukewarm and ready... sometimes. I'm actually quite happy when nothing is ready so I can get a piping hot pie with a very short wait, which gives me time to look at the very short shorts of the babes who work there, I'm just saying- they should cut it out with the whole Hot-and-ready thing since it happens so rarely. Ok sorry, I'm getting off topic. 

Little Caesars is good, but 2 of the 3 of us FGFBers have sworn off eating there due to the havoc they wreak on our digestive systems and the other one never really ate there anyway. I'm not sure what they put in their pizza to keep it so cheap, but I think it's a potent mix of fiber and Ex-lax. Long ago, I decided their value and tastiness was not worth the time spent on the throne the next morning. I love my reading time just like anyone else, but I've never felt good the day after Little Caesars. Never.

Could a new pizza with Pretzel crust change my mind? 

Look at this thing. For real, that's a gorgeous pizza. It's like they made this for a commercial shoot. 

So what's the deal here? Clearly there's a pretzel crust covered in salt (just what pizza needs- Salt!). Next, they put a cheddar cheese sauce on instead of tomato sauce. Next is their standard cheese and either pepperoni or nothing, then a mix of Asiago, Fontina, Parmesan and White Cheddar cheese on top. Not bad for 6 bucks!

Time to bite into this cheese monster. 

someone wants a piece...

Aaaaand.... A+ right away. Review over. Seriously. Bravo, Little Caesars. Bravo. The cheese and roni are the same as a normal Little Caesars pizza, but that cheese sauce... god damn. It's EXCELLENT. I can confidently say I would rather have this than tomato sauce any day of the week (at least for Little Caesars). It's really creamy and really cheesy- not sharp at all, not too cheesy (as if there were a thing). It's just right. My only complaint is the one we all saw coming- there's not enough of this cheese sauce. 

In lower light, it's a mess of cheese and gloriously glistening cheese sauce:

In better light, it's scrambled eggs:

sort of

And then there's the point of this pizza- the crust. I'm gonna be honest and embarrass myself right now- I haven't had a lot of the pretzel stuff that's come out recently. I like crunchy pretzels from time to time, but I never cared about the big puffy ones you put mustard on. So, when everything started coming out pretzels, I didn't share the excitement of everyone else.

I was dumb. This flavor rules. This crust tastes exactly like pretzel. The salt is awesome, the crust is greasy and, if you're lucky, a bit crunchy. It really tastes like a giant pretzel as an added bonus after a gooey cheese-fest. 

As great as this pizza is though, this is where I turn from Reviewer Mike to This-is-where-you-can-improve-your-product Mike. I don't make a lot of the things you buy, I make a lot of the things you buy better. 

So, Little Caesars, here are my suggestions for you, since I'm smarter than you:

1. More cheese sauce. Pretty simple one there.

2. Give us the ability to customize. One friend said he got this with just bacon. Josh said he asked for something else and they shot him down right away. Cheese or Pepperoni were the only options. This drives the point home that these pizzas may not be as fresh as advertised (I always assumed they were just frozen pizzas). The pepperoni was good, but if I get this again, it will be just cheese, or hopefully bacon if they'll let me. Something sweeter and less salty and hot like bacon or ham would probably be phenomenal on this. The pepperoni's acidity just kind of offsets the creamy cheesiness a little too much. It's not a complaint- it's just more that the good of this pizza is lost a little bit because of the roni.

3. Make the crust more crunchy. Yes, soft pretzels are a thing people love, but the parts of mine that were a little more crispy and had a nice collection of congealed grease were the best part. 

4. Either make the whole thing pretzel or put in spots of pretzel. Let me explain. The pretzel rules, but it's honestly just the outer crust. Little Caesars might tell you otherwise, but the rest of this pizza is their regular dough. It's almost as if they brushed a pretzel-flavored glaze across the outer crust that colored the crust dark brown, then they sprinkled salt on and called it a day. And that's ok if they did that, but realistically, other than during the last few bites, I was just eating a pizza with cheese sauce, then, when the pizza was gone, I had a pretzel to eat. The bites towards the end where I got a little bit of everything were the best. So, either make the whole thing pretzel, or mix pretzel bites in like it's another topping. How cool would that be? You'd get pretzel in every bite. 

5. Stop being Little Caesars. Ok, this one isn't entirely fair, but the whole time I was eating this pizza, I just imagined how awesome it would be if a better pizza place that didn't make me sick had made this pizza. But that is bound to happen at some point... Imagine, a Dominos pan pizza with cheese sauce and a pretzel crust or bites... mmmmmmm...

Because, as great as this was, I did not feel good the next day. Perhaps the problem was with the order of Italian cheese bread I ordered on the side, but that's not my fault. That shit is IRRESISTIBLE. 

someone was very let down after this picture was taken, and it wasn't me

I have to give this pizza an A-. I'm taking back my A+ rating from before, because Little Caesars, as good as they can be, will never be worthy of a +. I don't know how soon I'll get one of these again and put myself through the pain, but I'm sure it will happen. This is just too good of a pie. 

Oh- one last and very important note: get one of these quick. I just looked into it, and this is a limited time pizza (WHHHYYY??!?!?!).

It's only available until October 26th, which gives you 17 and a half days to get this as much as possible so Little Caesars considers adding 1 thing to their already massive menu of what, 6 items? So lame. You couldn't even have waited until the Ides of March to cancel this? (sorry, had to get one Caesar joke in there).

-review by Mike

Pizza Hut P'Zolos

I abandoned Pizza Hut long ago. High school was full of nothing but love for The Hut based on one of the greatest inventions of the last million years, stuffed crust pizza. But over time, the sauce changed (not sure if this is true, but I swear it's different), they skimped on toppings, and I grew up and realized how much better local pizza places were over chains. But I'm always up for a new fatvention, and Pizza Hut's P'zolos sucked me right in. So, after a failed attempt at ordering them one night (I ordered online only to be called 5 minutes later and told they were out of P'zolos), I ordered all 3 a few nights later. 

Based on the commercials and the fact that they "ran out" of something I was expecting to be cooked fresh, I kind of assumed these would just be crappy hot pockets minus the convenience of hot pockets. The picture made them look much nicer though...

and the price was nice (3 bucks each or 2 for $5), so I still went in with an open mind. 

Here's what they actually looked like, with my hand for reference (note- my sausage fingers and meat hands may be bigger than those of a lot of readers):

These weren't anything amazing, but they were better than I expected, and very far from hot pockets- mostly because of the crust, which was soft and flavorful, while being grease-glazed and a little crunchy on the outside. They were basically really good pizza dough rolled around cheese and meat. They were also pretty much the perfect size- perfect for dipping, as they easily fit in the dip cups, and perfect for a side order or lunch. Or, if you order all 3, a dinner. 

The Meat Trio tasted exactly the same as their 3 meat p'zone, but at least in my case, with less cheese. I'm pretty underwhelmed with both, as the sausage has a very cheap taste and texture and overpowers any other flavors, but I preferred this to the P'zone for softness of dough and ease in dipping. Covered in marinara, this was decent.

The Italian Steak was the worst of the three. Taking a lot at it, the steak looks marinated, but you can see how much else was in it- the standard peppers, onions, and mushrooms. This one had the most cheese which saved it a bit, but I barely tasted steak. Everything just tasted like green peppers and mushrooms which made this, tried both with marinara and ranch, pretty unappealing. If you love green peppers and mushrooms, then maybe you'd be into this, but I want to actually taste steak- and there's barely any flavor there. It's almost like the steak was marinated in mushroom and green pepper juice. 

The winner was, as I expected, the Buffalo Chicken. The chicken was plentiful and of surprising quality, there was a good amount of cheese, and it wasn't too hot but still had just enough of a kick to it. It tasted great with ranch or the buffalo I ordered on the side (it comes with ranch). The only problem with this is that it didn't have a lot of the buffalo flavor we've come to love- it was more of a toned down buffalo attempt- kind of hot with some familiar flavor, but just kind of missing something. 

But it was my favorite, and I can see myself ordering one or three of these again in the future- I ate mine VERY fast. 

The bottom line on these bad boys is that they're ok. They're nothing entirely new, but they do actually land somewhere between pizza, subs and hot pockets (as they're marketed) so they are just different enough to warrant a try if you're near a pizza hut. Don't drive too far for these, but the buffalo and meat trio would make a great side to a meal or a small meal on the road. 

Meat Trio: C

Italian Steak: D

Buffalo Chicken: B-

Better than I thought they'd be and a fairly unique addition to the Pizza Hut menu, but other than the buffalo chicken, nothing worth freaking out about. Stick to your favorite pizza place.

-Review by Mike

La Festa Brick & Brew Garlic Knot Pizza

It's not often here on FGFB we review a local joint, but once you've read on and seen what glories could await you, you'll see why this just had to happen. Get ready for a magical ride of flavor. And if you're wearing sweatpants or mesh shorts, be careful, this post is the food equivalent to every AVN winner showing up to your home drenched in oil and ready to bone!

May I present, the greatest pizza known to the gods, La Festa's Half BBQ Half White Buffalo Garlic Knot Pizza.

 

They say it's 14" but it looks more like 20"

Now what you're asking yourself is "josh, why is this a split pizza? why not (insert asinine flavor and reasoning here)?". And my answer is this: Take two of the best kinds of pizza on the planet, and merge them into one ultra pizza, a flavor combo which both burns and sweetly satisfies. Don't get me wrong, these flavors alone could stand the test of time and rival any pizza your puny brain could try to bring against it, but these two together play off of each other like two buxom young teens in a pillow fight.

THE STATS:
           -Braided garlic bread crust
           -BBQ side is chicken, onions, crispy bacon, and sweet bbq sauce that obliterates any of the tomato sauce thats underneath the thick mozzarella.
           -WHITE BUFFALO says the hell with tomato sauce, adds chicken, onions, circles of buffalo and blue cheese sauces swirling in an intricate dance of flavors upon a bed of cheese.
            -top the combination off with parmesan cheese and a garlic butter sauce, lightly brushed about the rim of the pizza

The BBQ side offers the sweet savory candy sauce your body craves

While the Buffalo side stings the tongue and delivers a stern, not overwhelming, amount of heat

This pizza is like a giant FU to all other pizzas. The crust is thick, its flavors numerous, its breadth, wide. If you are in the New England area, I highly suggest you call them up this moment, order one of these, ace bandage up those cankles, limp to your car, and pick this summmbitch up. A word of warning though, if you drive past my home, I'll run out in my underwear with a shotgun, blow out your tires and then blow you away for just a slice of this magnificent beast. This reeks of so much garlic a hound dog could track you in an icelandic ash cloud during a blizzard.

This clocks in at about $22 and is absolutely worth 5 times that.
 Google Directions from Boston, MA

La Festa Brick & Brew

300 Central Avenue
Dover, New Hampshire 03820-4133
(603) 743-4100 

 

death row prison pizza

 

I can't rate this high enough.

RATED: Ω

-josh