Cap'n Crunch's Chocolatey Crunch

AHOY me mateys! On my way to rape and pillage the local supermarket, what does my single eyed telescope behold in it's sights? The Cap'n's latest venture in the golden land of milk and cereal.
 

Looking upon a picture of this glorious box and all of the beautiful promises it holds within, would make any One-Eyed Salty Sea Dog stand at the helm, hoist the mizzenmast, and steer his wooden water steed into the front doors of any market that claims to have such a treasure. It was found, buried in an island of bland cereal options, and boxes of Kashi dirt. 

The welcoming gesture of the Cap'n shows that he has one hand out, welcoming you to "Come! Eat and be merry!" but little did you know, clutched in his little hand just out of view, was a knife, waiting to be plunged deep into your back.

oh cool brown Capn Crunch

why's this remind me of Armageddon?

 So! Diving into this I was excited. And figured, if the Cap'n can pull off one of the best cereals in history with peanut butter, how could he possibly go wrong with chocolate? Well he did. What the slimy cocksucker decided to do was just repackage his boring regular Cap'N Crunch cereal, and sprinkle a tiny bit of bakers chocolate in the mix. It was basically a piece of puffed rice and oat or whatever the hell it is, and a gross non sweetened chocolate aftertaste.

And you're like "JOSH BRO! it can't be that much of a let down can it?" yep, it is. it's so much of a let down that it barely even turns the color of the milk. It just delivers that same gross chocolate taste the cereal has but it's so far away it takes 10 minutes to show up.

Irwin is so disappointed in the Capn he can't even look him in the eye.

Ok, It's not THAT bad, but it's by far the worst of all the chocolate cereals on the market today. I'd even go with a CHOCO PUFFED RICE generic bag of cereal before purchasing another box of this chocolate treachery. I'll never give the Cap'n  the benefit of the doubt again either. That smug doe eyed look of happiness is just a lure to pocket your hard earned doubloons, steal your silver, and rape your wife.

I give this venture into horseshit an
F
for knowing you can do better, but you just gave the F up.

-josh.

CINNAMON M&M's! Expecting them to be gross? I was too!

This week, while checking out the holiday candy section at Target, we stumbled upon THESE...

Cinnamon M&M's? Sounds Gross...

At first I was like, "WHOA NEW M&M's!" But then I took a moment to let it sink in and said. "Ugh, Cinnamon? Really?"

But with a sigh, I tossed them into the cart, knowing the the score of FATGUYFOODBLOG fans would be wanting to know how these were. But I had no doubt in my mind that they were going to be gross. 

But here's the thing...I was wrong. 

See, I was expecting it to taste like a candy shell surrounding a stick of BIG RED gum. That gross, fake, chemical cinnamon taste that nobody on earth really likes. The one that burns your tongue a little bit and just makes you regret ever opening your mouth. I figured it would be the M&M version of that. 

Turns out, THEY DON'T SUCK!

But they aren't. They are big like Pretzel M&M's, and they only come in brown and red colors. At first they taste like a big, plain M&M. But then as the chocolate is melting in your mouth (Not in your hand), your taste buds perk up and detect something different. It's a splendid, subtle cinnamon flavor. Kind of like if you dropped some M&M's on a Cinnamon Roll and then scooped them off with some of that cinnamon roll goop on them and ate them. The candy shell shatters, makes way for chocolate and then...a great little burst of cinnamon. 

This was a pleasant surprise. There are very few times I am this certain that a snack is going to suck, only to have it completely turn me around. 

This holiday season when you are going to fill your candy dish with something sweet, perhaps this time you will take a chance and let your guests try these. Go for it. They are pretty darn good. 

And they have the sexy green M&M on the bag.

So...you can't go wrong, right?

At last.... Schweddy Balls

Damn you Ben & Jerry's.

When news of the creation and release of Schweddy Balls broke, uproar over the name, confusion on the timing of it all, the mystery of finding it, and the endless questions of "have you had it yet?" abounded. We read ok reviews and bad reviews from fellow food-bloggers. We were worried, excited, curious, and angry. All we wanted to do was the one thing we couldn't- taste the damn stuff.

If you've been living under a rock (or are thin), Schweddy Balls is a limited release of Ben & Jerry's ice cream named after a Saturday Night Live skit starring Alec Baldwin, that is about 13 years old now. If you haven't seen it, view it here.

Why Ben & Jerry's launched an ice cream flavor based on a 13 year-old Christmas-themed skit featuring rum balls (a Christmas-themed dish) in the middle of summer is anyone's guess. But we finally found it.

and we were very excited.

Fortunately, the frequency that I'm finding it has gone way up, so maybe now that it's nearly December, all our readers will be able to find it in the month that it should taste best. At the time, I found it at a gas station nearly an hour from my house, and I had to blast the AC to keep it cold and not ruin it. Seems crazy right? I'd later buy 2 from the same gas station, as it was the only place I'd been able to find it. The lengths fat guys will go to...

So how is it? Awesome.

The ice cream is basically vanilla with a SLIGHT, barely-there other flavor, which is apparently a "hint of rum." I wasn't excited about the malt balls at first, but grew to love their crunchiness in the overall creamy gooeyness of the ice cream. Plus, you can barely tell the difference between the malt balls and rum balls by sight, so you never know what you're going to bite into. I've never had a rum ball before, but based on this ice cream, they taste exactly like chewy eggnog. And that rules.

Malt ball on the left, rum ball on the right. Friends for life.

I would describe this ice cream as eggnog ice cream loaded with chocolate covered balls of goodness. Frozen chunky eggnog. It's great. Because my brain is trained to drink eggnog slowly and in small doses, and because of just how many balls there are in this, it's definitely an eat-slowly-and-savor kind of ice cream. There are better flavors of ice cream out there, and everyone has a favorite Ben & Jerry's that will probably be considered better than this, but Schweddy Balls is a delicious and very unique flavor. Definitely get a carton if you can find it. I'd recommend gas stations over supermarkets- I've still yet to see it at a supermarket but have seen it at probably 6 gas stations now.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hey Ben & Jerry's, how about canning this whole "limited release" thing and launching a SEASONAL RELEASE of this stuff. Seasonal food is something few food companies seem to want to do, even though in my opinion, it's a great idea. This tastes like eggnog and was based on a Christmas skit, so why not have it come out every year around Christmas? Why not give people something to look forward to? Look at beer- every season has a completely different selection. It's time for food to follow. Sadly, because people in this country are too uptight (and I get it, as it was definitely weird telling my mom the name of this ice cream), you may have to change the name. Here, how about this 10 minute photoshop job? Think about it, Ben & Jerry, I know you're reading this blog.

not my finest work, but you get the idea

A-

-Mike

Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos

From being fat guys and as evidenced by past posts, I feel like we here at Fatguyfoodblog are experts in Oreos. No other cookie company makes more flavors and does them with such class and consistency. So when I saw that they had made Berry Burst Ice Cream flavored Oreos, I bought them immediately- I saw no "NEW!" label on the package, so these could have been around for years, but I've somehow never seen them. It was time to try them. 

not sure how they're "ice cream," but I'm in.

Were they good? Of course, they're Oreos. Do they compete with regular or triple double, or any of the other new ones coming out? Not really. They're just another flavor. If you like the combination of strawberry/cherry/raspberry and chocolate, these will be right up your alley. But what made them more a "ok, I like these" vs. a "OH MY GOD MORE" cookie was the creme.

granulated sugar

Oreo creme is notoriously smooth and soft. That smooth softness is what separates true Oreos from their cheaper no-name imitations. These cookies didn't have that smoothness- the creme is gritty and rough, like the good folks at the Oreo factory were mixing the creme and decided to head out early. The flavor is good- I would say it's a solid mix of strawberry and cherry. I don't know where they got "ice cream" from, but it's a good flavor, just bad creme. So, eating these the way I (and most people) eat Oreos (pulling the cookie apart and eating all of the creme at once, or stacking it all to make absurd cookies) just doesn't work. The creme doesn't stand up. These cookies only work well if eaten as a whole, with the chocolate mixed in with the creme. They're worth a try, but only if you really like fruit mixed in with your cookies, and only if you want to eat Oreos in a very non-Oreo way. Worth a try, but nothing to freak out about. 

not the best creme, but tasty anyway.

I'd give these a C+. They got boring after awhile, and came nowhere near the "oh my god take these away from me before I eat the whole bag" feel of regular Oreos, but for something different, they're definitely solid. Keep the flavors coming, Oreo. You consistently make the best cookies. 

-Mike

Wendys new Hot 'N Juicy cheeseburgers!

Five Guys Burgers & Fries has won best burger across the nation two years in a row now. For good reason- they are fantastic.

What can Mcdonalds or Burger King do to measure up? Sadly, nothing. The only one that ever had a chance was Wendys, because their taste is the least "fast food" of the bunch. But sadly, in years past, they have just kept their recipe the same and not decided to step it up at all. Sure, we got the Baconator. But since then? NOTHING.

Dave promises THE BEEF.

But now they have debuted their new Hot 'N Juicy burgers. They promise premium ingredients and an all around better burger experience. But do they deliver? Can Wendys dethrone FIVE GUYS with these new burgers? Could it happen?!

Well...probably not.

But don't let that keep you from trying them, because listen up, they are Damn Good!

The Fatguyfoodblog crew took a trip to Wendys to sample them together. I, of course, went with the 3/4 pound Triple, because...well come on.  I'm writing for FATGUYFOODBLOG. We don't mess around. How much respect will readers lose for me if they saw me review this with the smaller burgers?

The answer? TONS. I'd be the laughing stock of the fat guy food reviewers crowd. I'm not about to let that happen.

Not as pretty as the promo pictures...

The first thing to notice is the paper wrapping. They go old school. No printed up see through tissue paper crap here. This is a thick paper like a guy might wrap a slab of meat in down at the family deli. Which is very fitting because this burger is a meat monster. Three thick slabs of beef, the usual veggies, and nothing wild in the way of condiments. No bbq sauce, or bacon. This thing was their standard recipe and still wowed me.

Juicy, and bursting with flavor.

So...Much...Meat.

One of my favorite parts was the toasted, buttered bun. This was something that jumped out to me in the description, but that I didn't expect to be able to notice too much. I was very wrong. It was delicious and jumped out at me like a slap in the face. I found myself wondering why EVERY burger in the known universe didn't come on a toasted, buttered bun. What the hell were we thinking? I for one have learned from this mistake and vow to butter and toast EVERY bun from this day forward.

This is my, "Man I shouldn't have gotten fries & nuggets with this" face. 

Now if you're a regular person, you may want to opt out of the Triple. It's a serious burger. I recommend it only to super fat people, giant manly men, and guys who are being challenged by their friends to eat something huge. This will satisfy those groups. If you are normal, or someone who does not want to be insanely full, maybe get the double instead. It might be more your speed. I wouldn't waste your time with the single though...that's just too wimpy.

GRADE: B+

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramasu

Ben and Jerry's Volun-Tiramasu

Stumbled upon this new flavor at Target. Along with a few others. I decided to review this one first because it sounded the weirdest.

Coffee Mascarpone ice cream with cocoa dusted coffee rum lady finger pieces.

Hmm. Okay. First of all. What the hell is Mascarpone? I had no idea. I bought this blind. Someone told me it was a kind of cheese and scoffed, making a dumb face. "Cheese...In ice cream. Good one, dumb ass."

But...yeah I was wrong. That's exactly what it is.

Mascarpone (English: /ˌmæskɑrˈpoʊniː/ or /ˈmɑːskərpoʊn/, Italian: [maskarˈpoːne]^[1] is an Italian cheese made from cream, coagulated with citric acid or acetic acid .

It just gets more and more interesting. I like coffee. I usually like things that are dusted with cocoa. I like...cheese.

Well here's the deal. This ice cream just isn't that good at all.

The ice cream itself is coffee but a very light. The flavor is almost an afterthought. It's the weakest coffee ice cream I've ever tasted with it still being able to be called coffee. It's almost like I was eating flavorless ice cream and someone walked by drinking a coffee and my brain tried to link the two. Now as a man who enjoys the strongest coffee I can get my hands on, I have no room in my life for weak coffee tastes.

Strike ONE.

There was still hope. The Cocoa Dusted coffee run lady finger pieces!

Oh..you mean those bland chunks of stale bread that are hidden in here?

With the half a seconds worth of chocolate taste on the outside? Nope. Those aren't saving this train wreck. Sorry Ben. Sorry Jerry.

You knock a lot of these flavors out of the park but this is not one of them.

So if you like to be bored, or you aren't big on flavor, Volun-Tiramisu is probably the ice cream for you.

But if you're like most of the food lovers that visit FATGUYFOODBLOG, you want big flavor. Steer the snack train clear of this pint!

GRADE: D...for DIS IS SOME BORING ASS ICE CREAM!

KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl

A few years back, KFC created heaven in a bowl. They somehow managed to jam Thanksgiving into a plastic bowl, slap a top on it, charge you 5 whatever it is, and send you into a pants-unbuttoned couch coma full of happiness. Other countries hated America more, hypocrite health nuts wailed on about how horrible of a creation it was (and I call them hypocrites because they're happy to sit down on Thanksgiving and indulge in the exact same foods), and fat people wheezed a collective breath of satisfaction that they lived in a world where they could eat a bowl full of Thanksgiving any time they wanted to.
At first, I criticized KFC for their use of corn: "Get these goddamn vegetables out of my heartburn!" But soon realized that the corn was integral. The famous bowl wouldn't work if one of the items wasn't there- the gooey and salty goodness of the mashed potatoes, the crispy and kind of sweet chicken, the salty spiciness of the gravy, and the sweet corn fighting against all of it. It all worked wonderfully, with melted cheese goo all tying it together like a shiny and colorful middle finger pointed right at your heart. It was perfect. It IS perfect.

But then KFC stepped it up. America is fat. America likes bacon. America likes putting bacon in anything they can. LET'S PUT BACON IN THE FAMOUS BOWL!!! The ad campaign itself said "wow, another one for the colonel." I was psyched.

surprisingly not as easy as I thought to eat this while driving

Immediately upon digging into this monstrosity, I saw the inherent and should-have-been-obvious problem with this creation: the famous bowl is perfect as it is. PERFECT. So how could bacon make it better? Somewhat sadly, it couldn't. It honestly just distracted me from the flavor I wanted. Gravy and bacon are both very strong and although somewhat similar, they're basically flavors that work against each other, competing for flavor domination. I found myself thankful that I didn't mix the whole thing up, as the bacon stayed in the center of the meal, and I was done with it and left with a third of the bowl with no bacon. And it was better. Also, the bacon wasn't anything special. Up close, it looked like real bacon, but at quick glance it looked like bacon bits. It kind of tasted that way too.

Try it- if you're reading this blog, you know you are going to- you may already have. Maybe you'll love it. But my guess is that you'll say what I said: "eh... it's neat, but I think I'd rather just have a regular famous bowl." So treat this post not as a good or bad review, but if anything, as a reminder that we live in a country where the KFC Famous Bowl exists, and we should be thankful for that, bacon or not.

Original Famous Bowl: A

Cheesy Bacon Bowl: B

-Mike

Cookies from THE COOKIE JAR...

I recently stopped into Aroma Joes in Somersworth, NH to grab a coffee one morning- the one where you can actually go inside. I don't get there often, so I'm not usually able to take a gander at what they have for pastries and donuts. Most days, I have to yell about something through the drive through window and cross my fingers they still have some left. "CRANBERRY ORANGE SCONE PLEASE!.....what? Sold out? Sigh...I'll just go hungry." But this day, that wasn't the case! I ordered my coffee and as I was looking in the case at the various treats and something off to the side caught my wandering eye.
A small package of cookies...

There were three cookies in the pack and after hefting the bundle in my grip for a moment, my brain had already decided that these had beat out all the other things in the shop that day. So I decided to try them.
And boy, am I happy I did.
These cookies are fantastic. I've had my fair share of chocolate chip cookies in my day and honestly, most of them get lost in the shuffle. A cookie has to be pretty damn good to shine beyond the mediocre masses of them. These definitely do.

Chock full of chocolate chips, I'm talking PACKED, but somehow it's not too much. It's like the cookie to chip ratio is somehow perfect. The cookie itself is rich and chewy, with just the slightest salty hint to make for that perfect sweet and salty taste that I pretty much want EVERYTHING I snack on to have.
I ate the first cookie fast and then savored the second two. The moment I was finished I kind of wished I had bought a second package. Now that I'm typing this, I wish I had a package in front of me. I'd tear into it like a wild man and hope to the good lord above that nobody was around to see how much of a pig I was making of myself.
So go track down some of these cookies. Their website says that all Aroma Joes coffee houses have them. The locations are listed there. You can also read up on their story and some pretty solid testimonials. Check them out at: http://thecookiejarnh.com/ .
I could only rate these cookies with an A. Anything else would be absurd.
Review by Rich

Rice Krispies Treats CRUNCH MIX

The fun part of being a part of a blog like this is that when you go somewhere and see something new and they have more than one flavor, you don't have to just choose one. When we spotted these new Rice Krispies Treats Crunch Mixes, I asked my fellow FATGUYFOODBLOGGERS, "Man...which one should I get?"
Mike's response: "A true blogger would get both so he can compare."
That's sound logic. So that's that I did. It's a good thing, too, because if I hadn't I'm pretty sure I would have eaten the entire bag before I had a chance to take pictures. It was a snacking emergency.

So Rice Krispies threw together a trail mix type snack that comes in two flavors. CLASSIC & CHOCOLATE. Let's begin with the obvious...

CLASSIC

Whats in it?

First we have Rice Krispies Treats clusters. They are little, and brittle and don't have much taste.
Then there are the Vanilla mini cookies: Pretty much how it sounds. Just a little fragment of cookie.
Caramel Coated Pretzel sticks: It's just a pretzel stick with some sweetness to it. Not bad.
Mini Pretzel Twists: Nothing out of the ordinary here...
Yogurty Covered Pretzel Twists: Same pretzel, just covered in what appears to be a sweet coating of wax.
And finally, Cocoa Buttons: Yep. Don't call it an M&M. That's a Cocoa Button!
   All in all nothing spectacular. It's okay. You pop a handful in your mouth and none of it really works together. It's just a medley of snack items thrown into the same bag. I think the Yogurty Pretzels take it over. They have the aftertaste of marshmallow....KINDA. Maybe like if someone made Marshmallow flavored plastic.
But it's not terrible. I was well on my way to eating the whole bag.

Then there's the second flavor: CHOCOLATE

Chocolate

How does this one differ from Classic?

Basically it has Fudge Covered pretzels and "cocoa balls", which are for all intents and purposes Cocoa Puffs. All that and the little cookie pieces have a few discolorations on them that are supposed to be chocolate chips. Instead of a fake marshmallow flavor, this mix is heavy with a strange fake chocolate flavor. It's not terrible but it's not wonderful either. Again...just okay.

The Bottom line with these is that...they are just okay. If you grab a bag for a snack you aren't going to hate them. But you also probably won't go running out to get another bag anytime soon. They aren't anything special at all. Probably any flavor Chex mix are better than these. But if you are intrigued and want to give them a whirl, you probably won't be mad about spending the money. They aren't THAT bad. Just boring.
I give these a C. For Could have been a lot better.
Review by Rich.

They're In: Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles!!

Rich and I went to the fair tonight. Fat guys don't go to fairs for rides or to look at animals- no, we go for food. Fat, delicious, overpriced fair food. And we ate lots of it. On our way out, Rich got a sausage with onions, and I strongly considered getting an order of pretty delicious looking onion rings. But then I thought- no, dummy. Why spend 6 bucks on onion rings when I have these at home?

BOOM.

Ruffles ran quite the enormous ad campaign for the last 5 months or so to pick a new flavor. Facebook followers voted in different rounds to narrow it down from 16 possible flavors to 1. These were the winner, beating out baby back ribs in the final round. I certainly would have liked to try some of the other ones, even though I never was fully clear on what was going head to head with what- my comments and votes usually went something like "bring back The Works (one of the greatest flavors of chips ever)" or "make BBQ available across all of the US, then worry about new flavors." No, I'm not bitter at all. 

I never really understood what was going on, since while Ruffles was doing this promotion, they also introduced 3 other flavors, only one of which were actually good in our opinion. Hopefully this means they will be as adventurous in the future and bless us with some other weird flavors. But, for the time being, these are the new hotness. And after months of curiosity, I was luckily still following Ruffles on facebook and happened to see that they had landed in super walmarts. Off I went. 

Could Ruffles turn this

into this

successfully??

The answer is yes. Hell yes. 

Upon opening the bag, I noticed a bad smell- an odd mixture of beer and that odd au jus meaty scent that was so prevalent in the Cheesesteak Ruffles. They're ugly too- they're brown and have tiny specks of brown seasoning on them. But they are good, and that's all that matters. They 100% taste like onion rings, and have something else going for them too- if I started chewing these and then got smashed in the head and lost all my memory, I would absolutely, without a doubt, believe I had just bit into some onion rings. The potato seems to dissolve and get chewy much faster than previous Ruffles- they actually feel like you're chewing on fried batter. I don't know if that's just a trick of my chip-crazed brain or if Ruffles scientists had some magical breakthrough, but it's cool. 

They don't have the best aftertaste (that beery, au jus flavor a little bit), but Ruffles did a fantastic job capturing the flavor of onion rings. I wonder if these will have any lasting value- only time will tell. But for a unique flavored chip from one of the biggest potato chip brands in existence, these are absolutely worth trying. If you like onion rings, go get a bag- you will be impressed. 

I give these a solid B. They lose points because I feel like they won't have the best lasting value, and I had no trouble stopping my eating of them. 

-Mike

Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey MEGAFUDGE!

Eons ago, a FATGUYFOODBLOG fan e-mailed us and asked us to review the Heath Bar Chips Ahoy cookies that had apparently come out awhile ago. As I feel Chips Ahoy generally makes pretty unexciting cookies, I don't pay much attention to when they come out with new stuff. But once I saw that they had also made Reese's Pieces, I was sold. I was excited to see what Chips Ahoy could do with these delicious candy flavors. Turns out? Not so much.

As expected, the cookies looked nothing like the ballistic cookies in the picture. But that's expected. Were they good? Not really. Heath Bar is a very distinct flavor that works great with some things (like ice cream) and not so much with others- like sub-par, crunchy cookies. The problem with Chips Ahoy cookies is that they really are only good with milk to soften them up. And since their flavor isn't very strong, you end up losing any flavor of Heath bar in the utter blandness of the whole thing. Fan who wrote in: I would not bother with these. I really wanted to like these, but they just aren't very good. Go get a Heath Bar blizzard or a pint of the always fantastic Coffee Heath Bar Crunch Ben And Jerry's ice cream instead.

These get a D for don't bother.

The Reese's Pieces cookies were much better. Peanut butter is a flavor that definitely jumps out at you more, so these definitely tasted like sub par cookies with Reese's Pieces in them. But I'd still say it's best to just not bother with these. They're good for Chips Ahoy, and I'd give them a C+, but I think most fat guys would agree with me that softer, chewy cookies will always win out over these. 

And to segue perfectly to the heart and soul of this post, good lord has Chips Ahoy done something spectacular. Rich wrote a post back in June about regular chocolate chip "CHOCOFUDGE" cookies, but we all agreed that they weren't that exciting. These though- these are how Stella got her groove back. These are the excitement you've been looking for in your boring life. These are worth getting out of bed in the morning. These are what Chips Ahoy should abandon their entire line of cookies for. Time for a re-branding guys. You've struck gold. Stop bothering with anything else- this is now your focus. 

CHEWY GOOEY MEGAFUDGE?!? HOW COULD THEY BE BAD?

When I opened the bag, the cookies looked like they had been beat up- they were mis-figured, falling apart and covered in white chocolate chips and chunks of fudgy brownie goodness.

it's pointing at me

The problem with the Chocofudge cookies was that they were just OK cookies with not a lot of fudge inside. It felt like a fun gimmick cookie that missed its mark. The beauty of these is that if they didn't have fudge in them, they'd still be incredible. They are gooey like brownies, very strong in chocolate flavor, the white chocolate chips add a slightly different flavor and texture, and the parts where the chips got burned add a surprisingly fun crunch every now and then. And then, right at the peak of your cookie-mouth lovemaking, you'll hit the fudge. And you'll hear angels sing.

no photoshopping here, folks.

You'll "oh" face like no tomorrow and soon, much to the dismay of the roommates you told could eat some, the bag will be gone. I'm not promising gobs of fudge dripping out of every cookie (the picture above was just a REALLY good one), but the inclusion of fudge just makes these cookies go from fantastic to phantasmic orgasmic. These are honestly some of the best store-bought cookies I've ever eaten, and I will be buying another bag as soon as I can drag my megafudge-filled gut to the store. 

I rate these an O for OH face. 

-mike

Sweet & Salty Bugles : Caramel & Cheddar!

Sweet & Salty Bugles: Caramel & Cheddar.
At first glance when you see this package swinging on the rack next to the rest of the Bugles you might not realize what it is. We've all seen Caramel Bugles. They've been doing them for a few years now. They are great. Then there's the Chocolate Peanut Butter Bugles. Also great. Then there's the original flavor, Nacho Cheese, and there's some other wild ones you might have in your neck of the woods too, like Buffalo, and Zesty Ranch.
But then you realize, like I did, that this is two flavors in one bag, and there's no way you can walk away without trying them...

I'm not going to lie. I've been sitting on this review for a while. Not because I wasn't excited about these things, because believe me, I loved them. But it was because of the pictures. We randomly happened upon them when on a day trip and stopped for a snack. Instead of saving some to photograph when I got home, I took the pictures for the blog in the car, and then devoured the bag like a madman. The down side of this is that when I uploaded the pics from that day, they were horrible. The lighting was bad and every pic where my fingers were holding a Bugle, they looked like the fingers of a deformed monster. So I scrapped the review. But I kept my eyes open for these things at every store I went to and it took MONTHS but I finally found them again.
Which brings us here today.

When I told people about these I got a lot of mixed reactions. Most were bad. Like "Ew seriously? That sounds awful." WHAT?! No. It sounds fantastic. And it was! It's one bag, inside, it's caramel and cheddar Bugles mingling all together in each others flavors.

Few snacks live up to their name like these do. Sweet & Salty all the way. Despite being tossed into a bag together, each flavor of Bugle manages to hang onto it's own distinctive flavor and texture. The caramel Bugles and very sweet and almost encased in an armor of caramel. Like each Bugle is Tony Stark and an Iron Man of caramel activates and surrounds it. The Cheddar? Fully dusted with a classic cheese powder, like it was blessed by a cheese fairy who instead of pixie dust, waved her wand and sprinkled them all with Cheesy Dust.  This brings the salty part to this mix.

Caramel & Cheddar.

Eaten one by one, they are delicious, but together they are a flavor explosion. Put your fears to rest, America, these bad boys go great together. Instead of fearing them, pluck a bag down off the rack if you're lucky enough to actually see them in a store and try them out. They are rare. If you find them at a store, don't expect them to be there the next time you stop in. They are quite elusive so when you find them, BUY THEM.

I will give these a solid B. For BAM! These are delicious! I would have given them a higher rating, but there is one drawback I could find. Whenever you eat Bugles, at some point you put them on your fingers like claws. You pretend for a moment that they are a monsters talons and claw at the air before returning to snacking. You can still do this with the Cheddar Bugles but NOT the Caramel. The caramel covering on them is too thick and in some cases just fills the back hole to the point where you just can't do it. No caramel claws = no A rating on fatguyfoodblog.com!

BK California Whopper GUAC AHOY!

I'm waiting for a Burger King Gold Card to come in the mail. I envision it as a gold plated unlimited meal pass to ensure that us here at the Fat Guy Food Blog continue to review their products as much as we do. I did say "let's give the King a break for a few" but being a guacamole freak, I had to cut the wheel of my 1991 oldsmobile cutlas ciera right over the median and into the drivethru lane as soon as I laid eyes upon the shining green advertisement.

Over the past few years Burger King has taken the reigns of the fast food world and made it fun again. Instead of hating yourself and ordering a cheeseburger and fries with shame and indignity, BK makes me excited to dive into the playground of flavors, offering new items faster than I go up pant sizes. NOW. LET US BEGIN!


The California Whopper is basically the burger that I make when I grill at home, with an extra pound of lettuce, featuring BK's traditionally paper thin burger pattie, and slightly soggy fake bacon. Other than that, I say we have burger gold here.

The Mighty Heft of the BK Whopper dwarves other FF burgers

Generous portions of Guac MAKE this burger, delivering a cool flavor and no spice

This is just a Whopper with Cheese, Bacon and Guacamole and tastes as such

A Whopper's flavor is undeniable, and this in addition to the bacon, cheese, and guacamole make a winning distinct flavor combination, each separate but working well together.

  Now, if only California REALLY thought this up, they wouldn't be as bankrupt as they are. This is the burger equivalent to the Alaskan pipeline, each Californian citizen would have receive a yearly stipend of $6,000 and enough medicinal marijuana to keep it's thriving hobo population pacified and not working.

the guacamole alone is excellent, tasting much better than i thought a BK gimmick condiment would taste. It rivals Chipotle brand guacamole.

I'd say this is probably one of the fresher tasting/feeling burgers on the menu. As a guy who normally chooses a chicken sandwich over the mound of flame broiled grease, I'll be choosing the Cali Whopper until the King sees fit to take it away from my greedy lil' chicklet lined mouth.

RATING: B
-josh

La Festa Brick & Brew Garlic Knot Pizza

It's not often here on FGFB we review a local joint, but once you've read on and seen what glories could await you, you'll see why this just had to happen. Get ready for a magical ride of flavor. And if you're wearing sweatpants or mesh shorts, be careful, this post is the food equivalent to every AVN winner showing up to your home drenched in oil and ready to bone!

May I present, the greatest pizza known to the gods, La Festa's Half BBQ Half White Buffalo Garlic Knot Pizza.

 

They say it's 14" but it looks more like 20"

Now what you're asking yourself is "josh, why is this a split pizza? why not (insert asinine flavor and reasoning here)?". And my answer is this: Take two of the best kinds of pizza on the planet, and merge them into one ultra pizza, a flavor combo which both burns and sweetly satisfies. Don't get me wrong, these flavors alone could stand the test of time and rival any pizza your puny brain could try to bring against it, but these two together play off of each other like two buxom young teens in a pillow fight.

THE STATS:
           -Braided garlic bread crust
           -BBQ side is chicken, onions, crispy bacon, and sweet bbq sauce that obliterates any of the tomato sauce thats underneath the thick mozzarella.
           -WHITE BUFFALO says the hell with tomato sauce, adds chicken, onions, circles of buffalo and blue cheese sauces swirling in an intricate dance of flavors upon a bed of cheese.
            -top the combination off with parmesan cheese and a garlic butter sauce, lightly brushed about the rim of the pizza

The BBQ side offers the sweet savory candy sauce your body craves

While the Buffalo side stings the tongue and delivers a stern, not overwhelming, amount of heat

This pizza is like a giant FU to all other pizzas. The crust is thick, its flavors numerous, its breadth, wide. If you are in the New England area, I highly suggest you call them up this moment, order one of these, ace bandage up those cankles, limp to your car, and pick this summmbitch up. A word of warning though, if you drive past my home, I'll run out in my underwear with a shotgun, blow out your tires and then blow you away for just a slice of this magnificent beast. This reeks of so much garlic a hound dog could track you in an icelandic ash cloud during a blizzard.

This clocks in at about $22 and is absolutely worth 5 times that.
 Google Directions from Boston, MA

La Festa Brick & Brew

300 Central Avenue
Dover, New Hampshire 03820-4133
(603) 743-4100 

 

death row prison pizza

 

I can't rate this high enough.

RATED: Ω

-josh