SOUTHERN MAINE: Lil's Cafe

One day, the little lady came up to me and told me about a place near her friends house, called Lil's. Lil's is a small brunch cafe located across the street from the entrance to the shipyard in Kittery, Maine. She went on and on about how good it was, and being the alpha male that I am, decided to try this place out for myself. So we ventured out to NH's northern neighbor, and I have to say, I was very impressed by this little cafe spot, and let me tell you why you should be too. 

a bountiful pastry selection

ALSO being the slow moving sloth that I am, I ended up getting to Lil's right after they stopped serving breakfast, which I believe is 11am. So if you're in the mood for a biscuit, quiche, or sausage egg wrap, I'd suggest you get there early enough. But I still was able to grab a coffee, and a pastry to warm things up before I went with something a little more lunch-worthy. 

I went with a Chocolate Latte (whuuu?) and what I heard they were known for, a crunchy cruller.
Normally latte's, coffee's, and espresso's come paired with a mocha flavoring, but the choice of homemade chocolate was interesting, and ended up being one of the best latte's I've had in a long time. The smooth chocolate delivered a much needed change from the weird off chemical shots of mocha that typical coffee places employ. The cruller, sweet but not so sweet you felt sick from a normal doughnut shop, had a slightly crunchy top, which helped you slow down from jamming the whole thing in your mouth like instinct begs you to. The cruller comes in at you, all sweet and awesome, the coffee then rears up and hits you in the mouth like

 Their lunch selection felt like your classic small cafe selection, but definitely didn't taste like one. 

she got some weird veggie thing which she SAYS is good, but not being a FGFB staff member,
who knows if her palate can be trusted...

 I got the Roast Beef with horseradish mayo, arugala, cucumbers, and cheddar cheese all on a freshly baked focaccia, served with house made chips and a pickle. 

 The roast beef was decently portioned, but much like the last two seasons of True Detective, there's quite a few stars of this sandwich. The roast beef, which you'd figure would be essential, took a back seat to the horseradish mayo, which provided a gentle heat among the fresh greens of arugula and cukes. The REAL main player of this sandwich though, was the focaccia. Normally focaccia is a little drier than I'd like from a sandwich. I often times exclaim "the wetter the better" like our pal Dirty Mike, when it comes to sandwiches. So when I ordered it on the focaccia, I was prepared to be underwhelmed.  Much like my favorite Wookie however, the bread over delivered, and ended up being flavorful and Chewie.

HONORABLE MENTION: I feel like the house made chips should be spoken about. They were pretty much your standard in-house chip, thick, salty, good, but nothing really differentiated it from a any other house made chip. Which in the end, is fine, and might work out because you don't want something TOO weird to distract you from the pleasantness already on plate. I get it, it's good, I'd get it again. 

 I can't exclaim enough at how great this place was. Not only in atmosphere, or location, but also in quality and friendliness. This place also caters to a much more hip crowd than I belong to. It has a small vinyl collection for you to peruse inside of an old bank vault, so if you're ever dying of hunger AND cultural enlightenment, Lil's might just save your life. 

I give everything about Lil's a solid A.

I haven't tried 90% of the menu, but the experience, and the quality of what I had there was definitely top notch. I'm already excited about the next time I'm in Kittery. 

-Josh

http://www.lilscafe.com/

7 Wallingford Square, #106

Kittery, ME 03904
(207)703-2800
hello@lilscafe.com

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FGFB On The Road: Cheeburger Cheeburger

Imagine my surprise when my GF told me about a burger place in NJ named Cheeburger Cheeburger that was "amazing". With a name like this, and a tiny art girl claiming the burgers are amazing, the picture painted in my mind was of small portions, bright colors, and a minimalist swedish style set up like what's been going around the frozen yogurt bar scene for the past few years. On the way to a comic con where we both had tables set up, she took me there and boy, was I wrong.

I snapped a blurry pic so you could see the set up as if you were born in the 50s and are you are of that age now, but need glasses but refuse to go because health care costs too damn much.

A classic diner setup, I was yet to be amazed because, who hasn't been to a flashy diner in their own home town only to be met with slow service and a waitress who isn't the quirky fun diner waitress, but the depressing strung-out-come-to-your-table-once ones. Cheeburger Cheeburger had a good vibe, and the colors, brought me back to my pastel swedish frozen yogurt theory. And then, a bomb was dropped on my table.

invent huh?

wait, look at those sauces! 75 cents though, pass!

HOLY HELL!

almost 9 MILLION BURGER COMBINATIONS

Now that I was met with what probably is the greatest burger joint menu of all time, I was lost. I didn't know what to do and the thought of FREE TOPPINGS blew my mind. Sensing my loss for words, the waiter asked if we wanted to start things off with some cheese fries. My overloaded brain spoke yes, and then I was asked what toppings I would like, and was met with UNLIMITED FREE TOPPINGS.

in an attempt to not overdo it (still had a monster burger to do here), we got cheese, sour cream, bacon, onions, and banana peppers

The fries were great, crispy where you needed them to be, but we mistakenly ordered cheese without thinking what kind it was. A call to all restaurants around the globe who serve cheese fries: STOP RUINING THEM WITH NACHO CHEESE. About 20% in, the fries became inedible, and just a mass of gross nacho cheese goo. I still picked at them throughout the meal, but I can't help but always feel cheated whenever nacho cheese is poured over outstanding french fries.

Washed the gross nacho cheese goo down with a mason jar of Kiwi Lemonade.

And now, on to what we've all been waiting for, the Cheeburger Cheeburger Burger. With this new unlimited topping development, I went and got what I thought would be the best combination of flavors. I got a Delirious Burger, not feeling I was man enough for the 20oz monster that lay as a possibility. This was 14oz of meat, topped with Bacon, Feta, Swiss, Onions, Roasted Red Peppers, Chopped Garlic, Banana Peppers, Mayo, and A1. I REALLY wanted to add peanut butter to my burger, just like the old college days, but again, wanted to keep my cool and deliver a review somewhere in the realm of normal people.

 This burger was absolutely fantastic. The garlic may have been a little too much, but other than that every ounce of this Cheeburger Cheeburger burger was delicious. While devouring this thing, I was thinking about how the burger had a familiar taste, but didn't feel like I was chugging back a gallon of burger grease, but still had enough to make the burger juicy and decadent. After speaking with the owner of the place, who was your classic jacked diner owner who could be an extra on the set of Expendables 3, he told me that every cow was grass fed, lived out their lives and humanely slaughtered. Which, in a world where you still eat meat, it settles the soul slightly to know that you're eating a cow that had a pretty decent life comparatively.

The picture I had of the Peanut Butter Cup Shake that the lady had acquired came out too blurry, but a few pulls from hers made me regret that I didn't get one, even though I was filled to the brim with burger meat. The Peanut Butter was a large factor in the shake, where most of the time you get a vanilla base and a hint of PB, this time, we got a deep reese style flavored peanut butter taste in shake form.

All in All Cheeburger Cheeburger was a pleasure to dine in. With only the one hiccup of the cheese fry incident which could easily have been avoided if I requested the right kind of cheese, everything here tasted phenomenal. The Burger, which should be the crown jewel of any burger place stood head and shoulders above any other traditional diner setting I've ever been to. With that, and the almost 9 MILLION ways you can customize just about anything, I give Cheeburger Cheeburger and 

A

-Josh

With a map that boasts locations in 15 states, you should be able to find one semi close to your mouth! http://cheeburger.com/locations.asp check their site to see if there's one near you, while you're in snap a pic of your burger, and tag #FGFB online. Spread the word! 

ON THE ROAD: Nardelli's Grinder Shoppe

One of the bennies of having a girlfriend who lives a 6-9 hour drive away, depending on traffic, is that I get to stop at what is probably my favorite sandwich shop. I've sampled a small arsenal of grinders they have to offer, and every single one of them has been absolutely stellar. So if you'd like to read a post kissing ass of a sandwich shop you'll probably never pass, proceed on, if not, may I suggest picking up a FGFB tee shirt from the link on the right with the time I've just saved you.

As an Italian grinder shoppe this place sings. Everything is made fresh and on hand, the displays of different salads, calzones, and cheeses is enough to bring a fat man to tears. They also boast a lobster bisque, which I'm told sells out within a few hours of them offering it. Every. Time. I suggest starting your Nardelli's experience correctly with an Italian combo. Pruzitini, capicola, salami, and provolone topped with diced veggies, tomatoes, lettuce, olives, mayo and hots on a freshly baked grinder roll. That's the sandwich that sold me on this place and I've never been disappointed. I often times go with the chicken salad when I come here, a sandwich that's probably heavier than most large deep dish pan pizzas.

So as a review for this place I decided to get a sandwich I often avoid to stay in favor with some kind of Italian theme, but hey, everyone in line snags this sandwich up, so I might as well pull the trigger.
This trip I went with a large buffalo chicken grinder with diced veggies, blue cheese, olives, hots, and provolone.

meal deal!

The chicken pieces they put in these sandwiches are huge, if not pretty. Biting into it for the first time reveals the freshness of the veggies, popped on top of it a strong classic olive taste, then in the background, comes rushing in the buffalo chicken.

As soon as the stage is set for the buffalo, the spiciness stays in your mouth, even after several swigs of soda and a few chips. After the next delicious bite you get to experience it all of again, but this time with the buffalo beginning, and ending, the sandwich. Like a grinder inside of a grinder. I tried for some Inception joke there, but I just couldn't hit anything solid.

Onto my gripes with the piece. That's right I call it a piece because we've transcended the realm of sandwich and into the realm of art. If Andy Warhol was still alive he'd produce a 7 hour continuous shot film of scantily clad men gyrating to images of this sandwich.

My problems are three fold. I realize that as a mere mortal man I have no business questioning what the Nardelli's God commands, but, I mean to deliver my people fire.....Prometheus reference on a food blog? You're welcome.

-Cheese
This thing should be COVERED in cheese, the way it stands now, they might as well offer it without it. There's so many other flavors and textures that the cheese is just lost.

-Chicken
 I wish it was slightly crispier, if only to break up the texture and separate it from the rest of the piece.

-Olives
Hey I dig olives, but these take over the grinder. Just like a Greyjoy, they betrayed their adopted family who looked after them, raised them, and then took the grinder for themselves. (Hey season two ended a year ago)

So as a whole, I give this place nothing but my absolute highest regards. It's a shame what I chose to review ended up being slightly better than mediocre, but hey, it's an Italian grinder shop, not a seedy Greek pizza place owned by a sweaty opened shirt gold chained man who can barely speak English. Now that man, KNOWS how to make a buffalo chicken sub.

Maybe one of its other 7 locations in CT has one of these such fellows at the helm.

I give Nardelli's an A

The buff chik, a B-

Josh

FGFB on the road: 12 Bones Smokehouse!

*Just a quick warning, this post will be rife with political satire. Just know that we here at FGFB endorse neither political candidate for office. It's a food blog, have fun :D

If you're ever in Asheville, North Carolina, you may want to make a quick stop at what's been dubbed President Obama's favorite BBQ place in the nation, 12 Bones Smokehouse. I had the luxury of visiting the River Store, located right by the great Asheville River Arts District, which makes perfect sense with their mastery of sauces and rubs. Let's see what President Obama sees in this place through his brainwashed Bilderberg eyes!

blurry pic, but it was a quick shot trying not to disrupt any of the patrons that were directly behind me.

As a man born and raised in the northeast (and not some village in Kenya), I've never really experienced much of the southern BBQ tradition. So my friend Steph took the lead, and helped guide me through the menu. We selected a few things she had really enjoyed, some things that I thought I'd enjoy, and we sat outside under a large open roofed structure.

My meal

Served on a hot metal plate, I chose to get their Pulled Chicken, Mac n' Cheese, Collard Greens, and Corn Bread. The pulled chicken was smoked and dry rubbed, and it was as soft as Obama's never-having-a-real-job-hands. It melted in my mouth and was a savory pulled chicken experience. The Mac 'n' Cheese was thick, but bland. It had more of a creamy texture but with no real discernible cheese flavor. Definitely where the meal shined, was the collard greens. Deep and flavorful, with a good amount of garlic, butter, and bacon sprinkled into the mix, which made the whole side dish tie together beautifully.

Where 12 Bones fails, much like our current president's economic policies, was the corn bread. I had high hopes for it- a real southern corn bread is a highly sought after asset. Like Bin Laden's body, they decided to toss what could have been the crescendo of this meal's term into the sea, and left my tastebuds wondering if this was even cornbread I was eating. Dry and devoid of taste, they might as well not have even offered it as a side.

Steph's meal

Luckily having a lady with me meant I got to sample most of her meal as well- an example of how socialist policies work to benefit the greedy. Her meal consisted of Pulled Turkey, Corn Pudding, Jalepeno Grits, and Corn Bread (blech). She added a half rack of Bluberry Chipotle baby back ribs for me to try, and had a side of the Blueberry Chipotle dipping sauce.

The ribs were absolutely fantastic. The sweet and spicy combination of them were probably the best way you could possibly make ribs, which are a meal that usually, like Obama's presidency, leaves you wishing it had done a hell of a lot more for you. Pulled Turkey, sweet and succulent. The corn pudding was basically the leftover bland cornbread made into a paste of some sort. The Jalepeno grits now, were actually really good. I'm not much of a grits guy but these were robust and not the bland canned grits offered up North. But just like Obama's lies, the buttery flavor to them builds up the more you eat, and ends up turning you off to these pretty quickly.

Similar to the live streaming video of the Benghazi terror incident the mainstream media and Obama failed to mention to you, I forgot to mention the unsung savior of the meal.

the female saws baws!

There were four freedom fighting soldiers here in the form of dipping sauces. Sweet Tomato, which was just a mediocre ketchup inspired offering in the spectrum, Tangy Mustard, which was reminiscent of a less hot Englehoffer's mustard, Jalepeno, which you added if you felt your meat needed a little heat, and above all- the Ron Paul of dipping sauces, Spicy Vinegar, which was exactly how it sounded. It paired deliciously with the pulled chicken and turkey.

After visiting 12 Bones, I can see why anyone would dub it their favorite BBQ place in the states. I'll agree with O on this, and even fistbump him in regards to this. Everything except the cornbread and maybe the mac 'n' cheese was of exceptional quality. Unlike Obama's presidency, it provided me with the change I had been wanting from standard run of the mill BBQ places I have back home. Most things were rich and flavorful and I'd love to re-elect them to a second term of being my favorite BBQ place in these United States.

just like an Obama drone strike on an Afghani village, I destroyed my meal

I give this fine American establishment an A
-josh

ON THE ROAD: Arctic Circle (Full Meal Review)

Just recently went on a fast forward road trip driving across country. I would have liked to have taken a whirlwind trip to every fast food/specialty eatery I could peep my little fat eyes at, but alas, funds, time, and mostly funds, made it so I lived off of what food i was able to prepack for the long haul across country. THAT BEING SAID, on a hot day passing through Salt Lake City, Utah, thine eyes were drawn upon a giant milk shake window cling with the name Arctic Circle scrawled upon it's side. It being a scalding 115 degree day outside, I pulled in to, what I thought, was a veritable oasis of burgers and milkshakes. Here are my thoughts:

Their claim to fame is not only the milkshakes they provide, but also the Black Angus burgers they cook, so I ordered up the Black Angus BBQ Bacon Cheese burger, fries, an order of mini corndogs, and what was hoped to be the crescendo of the meal, one of my favorites, a mint chocolate "Above The Rim" shake.

little sloppy, but looks pretty standardly made

the sloppiness mixes into burger soup. see bacon? i don't either

First off let's chat about the burg. the BBQ sauce was barely there, but added a little sweetness. The bacon was rather flavorless and just added a hint of what they were going for. The thing that got me, was the fact that it was billed as a BBQ Bacon CB, it tasted EXACTLY like a McDonalds Double cheeseburger with the bacon and whatever sauce kind of floating around a bit, lagging behind, like the fat kid in gym class trying to run a mile. Needless to say, with my affinity for McD's DCB's, this was fantastic :D

always a sucker for new dipping sauces

For some reason they think their "Fry Sauce" is a big deal....but it's honestly just mayonaise, ketchup, and maybe a hint of ranch. nothing special, and I stopped dipping my mediocre fries in their mediocre sauce fairly quickly.

A NEW CHALLENGER

not sure what the white stuff was, but it was pretty tasty

these were by far the best part of the meal, Mini Corn Dogs. I don't remember if they had a fancy "Arctic" name, but they were just mini, flavor filled corn dogs, with some weird mush inside of it. I don't mind, was a fine choice to place that flavored mush inside of this delicious side dish.

With a place, who's named as such, you'd figure their shakes and ice cream options would be top of the line wouldn't you? I saved this part of the meal for last as I was excited to top off my mundane meal with what was sure to be a great tasting mint chocolate chip shake, to excite my tastebuds and make my core temperature drop from all that refreshing mint flavor with a dash of satisfying chocolate that would flip my mood like a crying pregnant chick....but no. This was by far one of the most flavorless shakes i've ever anticipated. The mint was weak, the chocolate chips were cheap, the whole soupy faux ice cream shake experience was just one that disappointed me to no end. So much so that I didn't even get through it, and opted for A GLASS OF FUCKING WATER instead. *ahem.

soooooo if you're ever lost in a desert, and see a shiny blue beacon waiting to fill and cool your body, stop in. But know you're going to receive mediocre food, sub par service, and a shake made from a dead womans still lactating breast, where someone squirted mint flavored mist into the air, swirled about inside of it, slopped it into a cup, and decided to call it a shake.

I give Arctic Circle a
D

(i had a joke to type right here, but I censored it
because it was TOO mean. ne cool josh, be cool)

-josh