Monday, December 16, 2013

Wendy's: Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

It's been out for about a month, and I have to say I've kind of been dragging ass reviewing this burger. I'm not the biggest fan of mushrooms, after all:

If the sight of feces hasn't made you click away from the page yet, read on beloved follower, as you might surmise from other review sites, this burger is fantastic.

took the GF on a romantic night out

 Upon biting into this majestic beast of a burger, I was taken aback by how enormous it was. The new Wendy's system of order patties works wonders. Too much of a man for one, too self respecting for three, I opted for the heft of a two patty pleasure house to take me in the back room and show me things I've only ever dreamed of tasting.  If you've had the new burgers, you know what I'm saying is true, you know the amount of cheese that comes on these things is this side of perfect, and bacon, how in the world could bacon ever ruin anything? 

And you're asking yourself the same thing I did "oh hey, they made this burg before, but now it's on a BRIOCHE BUN! NICE! What, praytell, is a brioche bun?" So I looked it up, and it's just a fancy way of them making the bun fluffier, and much worse for you. But hey, it's FGFB, we take the hit so you don't have to. 

thick and beautiful

And now, the point of contention, the mushrooms. "WHAT ABOUT THE MUSHROOMS?" you're probably screaming.

the mushroom is just daring you to take a bite of it's weird, alien flesh

I barely noticed the mushrooms to be honest. I don't like mushrooms at all, so you better bet your ass if this thing was all shroomed out, I would have puked my guts out everywhere just from the texture of slimy creature flesh that is a sliced mushroom. It tasted more like an amazing burger, with a hint of cream of mushroom soup in it. The actual mushroom bits get lost in the gooey meat and cheese combo that is between this fancy french bun. Thus, making this burger extremely enjoyable.

So the burger was absolutely incredible by all accounts, the flavor, texture, all wrapped in a smokey bacon over flavor that tied it all nicely together. I was trying to think of a way to improve this masterpiece for when it's released again next year, but the only real thing I could think of was this:


So next year, when all the execs are sitting around the table, wondering what to do to boost sales to the ever rotating burger world, remember, FGFB knows burgers, and adding BBQ sauce to this thing kicked it straight into the next solar system.

Everything about this was excellent. I give The new Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt on a Brioche Bun an A. It's completely changed my outlook on burgers and mushrooms, and I dare you, young future fat guy, get it, I dare you not to piss your pants with joy like I did.

don't worry, I finished it this time

The Girl I came there with

And the girl I left with

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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Big King VS. Big Mac. A fast food grudge match.

When I heard that Burger King was debuting their own version of the famous Mcdonalds Big Mac back in 1997, the first thing I thought was..."Why bother?" Let's face it, once upon a time the Big Mac was looked upon as the pinnacle of Burger innovation in fast food. I remember being a kid and seeing it on the menu and being so blown away that it not only had two burger patties but also? THREE BUNS?!? Add in that "special sauce" and it was like no other burger in the world. These days though, in a world where the Baconator exists, and fast food places are trying their best to one up each other with crazy things like THIS, the Big Mac has fallen by the wayside. It's now a classic, a relic if you will, of a world gone by.

This is not photoshopped. I swear. 

So why would BK want to bring back the Big King after all these years? Well, to prove that they can do it better. If you ask me, they did it when they changed their fry recipe a few years back. They are superior to all over fast food fries. I know, you want to fight with me about this, but stay with me, you can attack me in the comments. So BK must have thought, "Let's start a fight. What's Mcdonalds most known burger? The Big Mac? Okay, we're making our own. Let's show the fast food world we can do what any other place can do, but BETTER."

But did they?

Back in 1997 when they first brought the Big King into the world, people were weirded out. It made the rounds, was exciting for about five minutes and then it went away. I remember trying it. It was okay. It wasn't quite the same though, it didn't have the middle bun back then. So it was a flash in the pan. Not very exciting. But this time around they are going for broke. BK says if you try them both, you'll prefer the Big King. So let's see if they are right...

Ol' McD's wins points for presentation alone...
The Big Mac comes in a box. The Big King? The same old wrapper that the rest of the BK burgers come wrapped in. Doesn't seem like anything special. When I look at the Big Mac it has a special box that has it's name on it, with a picture and what seems like Mcdonalds flippin' old BK the bird. "THERE IS ONLY ONE BIG MAC." Might as well say, "SUCK IT, BK." One point for Mcdonalds.

Like alternate reality versions of one another...

Out of the box and wrapping they look surprisingly similar in almost every way. Almost mirror imaged!
The lack of lettuce is a slight upper hand to BK because, EFF lettuce. You know what I'm saying? But I'm just going to call this part a draw.

The Big Mac. Whole Lotta bread & Lettuce...
Despite being a classic, I hadn't had a Big Mac in years. Why would I? If you're going to Mcdonalds and they don't have some special promotional burger, why would you stray from the wonder that is their Double Cheeseburger? It's a thing of beauty. But when I bit into the Big Mac I found it to be...okay. Little too much bread. Not only that but I found the bread of the bun to be almost on the brink of being stale. Halfway through it was breaking apart in my hands. Also, I remember it being giant when I was a kid but this thing also wasn't very big at all, at least the patties aren't. They are so small that the bun completely covers them from all sides. Don't let the promo pictures fool you, you can't see those patties sticking out the side, EVER. But all in all it was just okay. Too much lettuce, too much stale bread, no bacon... this isn't a burger I would get often. 

Then the Big King steps up to the plate. Instantly I am happier with it. The bun is fresh and soft. The onions add a nice crunch and a bit of extra flavor. The meat patties seem a bit bigger and more flavorful. The sauce maybe even a bit sweeter. I kept going back and forth and each bite made me realize it more and more. THE BIG KING IS SUPERIOR TO THE BIG MAC. Yeah. It's true. I found no way the Big Mac beats it except in packaging.

So there you have it folks. The Big King is a better Big Mac. If you doubt me, go try it for yourself. BK says they are going to keep it on their menu for good so someday, perhaps the Big King will have it's own museum like the Big Mac does. Yeah. That's true by the way. Check out the site here. It even has a giant Big Mac inside that you can take your picture with...

This thing lives in the Big Mac Museum! 
But as I'm about to post the end of this review I remember something and decide I cannot award any win to Burger King. Ever. Not until a great travesty is made right. Not until the greatest company mascot of all time is brought back. I'm talking about...THE KING.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit son.
BRING HIM BACK, BK! Just do it. Everyone loved him! Just do it or expect to lose every single damn Fatguyfoodblog head to head fast food challenge until the end of time.

WINNER: THE BIG MAC (But only because we want the King back. Otherwise it's the Big King all day. ALL DAY.)

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Review by Rich.