Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ben & Jerry's Clusterfluff

Imagine my surprise as I strolled past the freezer section and spied a handful of new Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavors. The others? I don't remember them at all. I was too mesmerized by this one. CLUSTERFLUFF. 

The carton declared that it was Peanut butter ice cream with caramel cluster pieces, Marshmallow swirls & peanut buttery swirls. Nothing about that sounded bad. In fact, it sounded so amazing that there was no way I wouldn't have bought it. If there was only one container of it left, and a nun carrying a baby got to it before me, I would throw her to the floor and steal it from her grasp. That's how delicious this ice cream sounded. 
Did it live up to the hype?

Hell yes. When you first crack into it you can instantly see the thick veins of peanut butter running through it like gold through the hills of California in the old west. There's one thing you never have to worry about with Ben & Jerry's, and that's peanut butter. Whenever it's an ingredient in one of their ice creams it's solid. Be it' Peanut Butter Cup, Chubby Hubby, or their Peanut Brittle. They always knock it out of the park and this is no different. 

It's not until a few spoonfuls in that the marshmallow swirls are found. At first they blend in with the ice cream and are hard to see but then all of a sudden you hit a big blob of it and it's a moment of bliss. The caramel cluster pieces? They taste kind of like little tiny chunks of caramel flavored oatmeal cookie. Good, but kind of an after thought. Clusterfluff is kind of like the ice cream equivalent to one of the best sandwiches in the history of sandwiches. The fluffernutter. Are you doubting that statement? When is the last time you had one? If it's been more than an hour, you are a fool. They are fantastic, and often forgotten about and dismissed as a child's lunch. I assure you, my friends, they hold up.
And so does this ice cream.
Oh and the clever name might just get you in some fun conversations with the cashiers when you buy it. Like mine. Where I played dumb, trying to see if I could get the employees to drop an F-bomb in front of me, a customer. 
Cashier- "Oh that's too funny."
Me- "Whats that?"
Cashier-"The name of this ice cream. What word it's a play on."
Me-"What word is that?"
Cashier-"Oh come on now. Clusterfluff?"
Me-"Oooh yeah. Like Fluffer Nutter, right?"
Cashier-"Well yeah but you know...ClusterFFFF"
She gave up.
But don't you give up on this instant Ben & Jerry's classic.

I give this an A. For Amazing damn ice cream.

Monday, April 18, 2011

DiGiorno Pizza & Boneless Wyngz

Pizza. I can't think of a food more universally awesome. The good folks over at DiGorno's must think that their pizza's are an event to be shared with friends, and not the conquest of a solo fat man sitting on his couch watching episodes of Spartacus on Netflix instant watch, for the fifth, possibly sixth time. So when I was at the store, I was floored by their groundbreaking initiative to pair Pizza AND Wings.

"Wyngz"? eh, whatever.
I opened it up, and thought to myself: "Man that's a lot of food. I don't know if I can do this right now, Pizza AND Wings?" So in my infinite and batman like problem solving prowess, I came up with a solution that would satiate my mouth and mind.

This not only solved the issue of it being too much food to thine eyes, but it also rationalized putting Sweet Baby Rays BBQ Sauce in a beautiful spiral pattern.
Some shredded Pizza cheese to keep the Wyngz sealed tight to the top

23 Minutes later. GLORY IN THE ARENA

Biting into this new found monstrosity was all I had hoped it to be. We all know what a DiGiorno Supreme pizza tastes like, but amp this up to the 2000000th degree, and you've got the DiGiorno ULTIMATE SUPREME BBQ WYNG PIZZA. The Wyngz tasted surprisingly like chicken, and they remained crispy even with the added cheese, and BBQ sauce. I'd do this again in an ironic heartbeat. Overall DiGiorno's creativity, melded with my own, makes for a winning and delicious experience.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Utz Smokin' Sweet BBQ Chips

I wouldn't exactly call Utz a premiere potato chip company, but sweet lord have they managed to make some glorious honey BBQ chips. These chips are flat out fantastic. They're kettle cooked (wait, HAND COOKED?) in peanut oil, which means they are perfectly crispy and incredibly greasy- you'll need to wash your hands extensively after eating them. They have a great honey BBQ taste, and they have a certain special something that makes them freak-out worthy: sugar. 

If you look closely at this beautiful, BEAUTIFUL picture, you can see what my fat eyes can only describe as small molecules of delicious sugar scattered sporadically across the chip-scape like a freshly fallen snow. 

This sugar brings these chips from good to fantastic very fast and makes these some of the best BBQ chips I've ever had. They remind me a little of how I remember Maine Coast BBQ chips tasting (I swear they changed the flavor a few years back).

These are much more sweet though, with an odd spice that works against the sugar, while somehow being perfectly in synch with it.

"Spicy Heat with a Kiss of Sweet" says the bag, but I disagree- these are more honey sweet with a unique, almost jalapeno-ish spice that hits you right when you need it and keeps you coming back for more. These chips are hard to stop eating. 

Seek these out- I've found them at Market Basket and not usually anywhere else. Give them a shot- you will be impressed. 



Thursday, April 7, 2011


When I heard that there was a Mountain Dew Coolatta coming to Dunkin Donuts, I hit panic mode pretty fast. I have always been a fan of Coolattas and was the first person I knew to start mixing flavors, years before they finally started advertising the ability to do that. My love of a frosty cup of sugar and brain freeze mixed with my favorite liquid on earth (yes, better than water, the lifeblood) sounded incredible to me.

Well unfortunately, it wasn't. It was the definition of blah, tasting like a somewhat more melon-like and less flavorful green flav-or-ice mixed with the odd chemical flavor that Coolattas can sometimes have.  When it melted a little more and I accepted that it wouldn't be the heaven I had hoped for, it was a little better, but it kind of just made me want a Watermelon Coolatta (which ruled and I hope they bring back). I guess it was unfair to think that a soda mixed with water would be good, but I fell for the allure of the Dew name. Sorry dunks, you blew it. 

While I was there, I figured I had to try a "Stuffed breadstick" (i.e. hot pocket). I, of course, got the pepperoni one, and it was actually better than I was expecting, but nothing special. 

It was very thin and kind of empty, like a breadstick.

yet full of gore like a hot pocket:

I will say though, it was decent- good pepperoni flavor, small enough to be treated like a nice snack, and the bread is the same bread as they use on their flatbread sandwiches (which rule). This was a plus, so I'd say these get a C+.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae

     Late one night, a couple weeks back I got a picture message from a friend of mine. It showed me the menu at a Dennys. Their current specials. I stared long and hard at that picture, knowing that I had to try it. I had to try...the Maple Bacon Sundae. 
       The other night I finally found myself at a Dennys. If there is one near you, go there right now, because, brother, if you are a fan of bacon, they will change your life with their new and improved food pyramid. 

Forget the traditional food pyramid with it's Fruit, Dairy, and Veggies. This is a real man's food pyramid. ALL BACON. So obviously, I didn't mess around and I headed straight for the top. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about getting a BBBLT to go with it. 
But I just ordered this, and as I was doing it, a friend and his girlfriend were talking about ordering just one, to share. He caught my eye and knowing that I was reviewing this for FATGUYFOODBLOG he quickly told her that they would each get their own. Wise choice. If it had gone the other way I might have devoted half this post to making fun of him. 
So I was expecting this thing to show up and have a couple little chunks of bacon on it. Enough for the everyday customer to gawk at and be all grossed out, but that I would be left saddened by. I was wrong. This thing is a beast. 

TONS of bacon with maple syrup drizzled on top. It wasn't gross cheap bacon either. It was thick and with 
very, very little blubber. That's the key to mixing bacon with sweets. There can't be any fat. Whereas you might be able to overlook that in a regular meal, in something sweet, like an ice cream sundae it would completely ruin it. They do a good job of keeping that from happening. 

Here's another view from the side. Bacon. Maple syrup. Then some vanilla ice cream. Followed by another helping of bacon and syrup, and then? More ice cream. It's a delicious mess. The ice cream is nothing special, and the syrup is the same. But both do their job nicely. It's another page of out the Sweet & Salty treat book, which is kind of hard to mess up. 
So as I was approaching the middle I expected there to only be a couple fragments of bacon in there. I was once again proved wrong...

Good sized chunks greeted me when I hit the middle. Like an old friend welcoming you into their home. "Hey buddy, come right in, make yourself at home." 

This is a bit different than the Maple Bacon ice cream we had at KC's Rib Shack. With that one the bacon was sprinkled throughout the ice cream in small chunks. With this, the bacon was a LOT more intense because there was about half a pigs worth of bacon on the thing. 

So the bottom line here is that if you hit a Dennys, get this sundae. The squares around you will throw a fit because it's not normal, so you can have fun with that aspect but also, it's pretty damn good. Being a fat guy, I immediately want to complain that it could have been bigger, but I think if it was much bigger I would have gotten sick of it. I think it was just right, as far as size goes. Oh, and by the way, the friggin' thing is only $2.99. THREE BUCKS! For a maple bacon ice cream sundae. There could be a superior version of this made somewhere, but you won't find one that is this solid, for so little cash anywhere but Dennys. Bravo guys.