Wednesday, March 8, 2017

BK: NEW Crispy Chicken Sandwich, Jalapeno Chicken Fries & BBQ Bacon King

Sl33zy here, the defacto unofficial Burger King correspondent for the Fatguyfoodblog. I've been going back on forth on BK's fare for about a year now, and we've had a bit of a roller coaster relationship recently- and not like a fun roller coaster at Six Flags but more like an old, creaky wooden one where you're too afraid of it suddenly collapsing to have any fun. Last time I was there, I had mighty low expectations for the Whopperito, which honestly ended up being the best fast food item I've reviewed for this blog. But don't you think for a hot second I'm going in there and expecting a fluke like that to happen again. 

At the time I wrote that review, I was still basking in the afterglow of the Whopperito's deliciousness. However, now I have to reread the review just to believe it actually happened- it's like a dream I had while dozing off in the hot sun with a sombrero tipped over my eyes on the side of a busy interstate. It appears I've been burned by BK so many times, even after a 10/10 experience, they still couldn't salvage their reputation with me. Honestly, if it wasn't for this blog, I'd probably be okay with never setting foot in old BK again.

But they just seem to keep cranking out new shit, and I've got a blog to write. So true to the old FGFB motto, time to spend my hard-earned cashola on the latest and probably-not greatest so you don't have to!

Because of sharing this blog on my Facebook page and the blog itself being powered by Google, I'm constantly barraged with aggressive fast food marketing in my news feed- so I went in expecting to try the new Bacon King sandwich and the slightly less new Jalapeno Chicken Fries. I didn't know that the very same day BK was rolling out a new Crispy Chicken Sandwich.

i made this in paint
Was it fortune that had brought me there on this special day... or hubris? 

this was like $20...
To be honest, chicken sandwiches really ain't my game. As I've mentioned recently, the point is lost on me. If you're going to bread and then fry chicken why bother putting it on more bread? A dipping sauce would suffice just fine here. Meal complete and assumably a job well done. But for some reason, somebody at some point said, "Nah man, there's simply not enough bread here. The surface area of a chicken tender does not accurately represent my passion for bleached flour. When eating chicken tenders I prefer my bread to chicken ratio to be at least 1 to 1. For every chicken morsel I consume, it must be fully padded in wheat." Well, whatever, I've been watching the Pengest Munch on YouTube recently; that dude seems to have his shit together and he gets one every time... Maybe there's just some textural element I'm missing here.

But I'll tell you exactly what textural element I'm not missing: rubber! Which is exactly how I'd describe this chicken sandwich- QUITE RUBBERY. In fact, if I had dropped the thing as I rightly should have, no doubt it'd still be ricocheting around the restaurant. For real, this chicken patty crunched in a disturbing way. My bites were almost kind of snapping off, like eating some kind of microwaved chicken jerky. Although the texture was unpleasant, the taste is about what I was expecting: a routine conjuncture of chicken, bread and mayonnaise; the taste that I imagine one who enjoys fast food chicken sandwiches looks for in a fast food chicken sandwich. Probably not that texture tho. 

fresh out the wrapper
Holy shit- if this is the NEW chicken sandwich what the fuck was wrong with the old one?!

The future of this meal looked grim, but nonetheless I moved on to the Jalapeno Chicken Fries (aw, how brave of me.) 

yo this box can hold at least ten more chicken fries
These were good- the straw-like shape of them offered an extra crunch and would've made them better to dip, if I were offered any dipping sauces. They were a little greasy and some were oddly shaped, but they tasted so much better than the chicken sandwich I was grateful. However, with "Jalapeno" in the name, I was expecting a bit of a kick, but the spice game here was weak. If it weren't for the bits of green on the outside, I'd assume there had been a mix-up.


did you hear chicken fries are legal in MA now?
After consuming these oddities, the BBQ Bacon King by contrast was much too familiar. Firstly, the amount of bacon included on this sandwich warrants a name more like "Bacon Jester". So with that being the case, I can't really even figure out why this sandwich exists- BK already had a bacon cheeseburger, and it was just okay. Unfortunately, the same could be said of this one- but with a boisterous enough name to immediately dash my hopes.  

god I hope that was mayo
And so, I was right to keep my expectations low. Even though the "Jalapeno" Chicken Fries were good, they didn't even come close to Whopperito level, or even enough to make up for the awful chicken sandwich or average BBQ Bacon King. 

New Chicken Sandwich: D.
Jalapeno Chicken Fries: B-.
BBQ Bacon King: C+.

Review by sl33zy

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