Tuesday, November 19, 2013

McDonalds' New Value Menu Items: Bacon Buffalo Ranch McChicken, Bacon & Cheddar McChicken, BBQ Ranch Burger, and the Greatest Creation in Fast Food History?

Ever since McDonalds took the classic double cheeseburger (one of the greatest deals in the history of food) off the dollar menu in favor of the slap in the face known as the McDouble (seriously McDonalds, you're telling me that an extremely necessary item like a second piece of cheese means it should cost 30 cents more?), I've been pretty unimpressed with their value menu. 
Sure, they added the truly awesome Grilled Onion Cheddar burger, but at the same time, it's TINY and just makes me wish the CBO still existed. 

But now all of a sudden, out of nowhere like an early Christmas present, they have 4 new items and the return of the Bacon Mcdouble. I don't do McDoubles and it's just a double cheeseburger (with 1 stupid piece of cheese) with bacon, so I figured I'd save my hard earned money and bought the others instead. 

First up was the Bacon & Cheddar McChicken. It looked like a fine sandwich:

I opened her up to check out her guts. Lookin good!

why even bother with lettuce?

This was a pretty basic but pretty good sandwich. The McChicken was insanely peppery as it always is, but the cheese was awesome, the bacon was crisp and tasty (thank you McDonalds for finally getting bacon right), and the combination of flavors was solid. 

Whoever made this went a little mayonnaise crazy though- I have disgusted people with the amount of mayonnaise I've put on sandwiches and this even bothered me. Maybe it's because it mixed with the melted cheese and created a weird goo, I'm not sure. But it was too much.

This, of course, won't happen to everyone though. Generally, this sandwich shouldn't even have lettuce, and I kind of want tomato, but for a very simple creation, it gets the job done. I'll give it a B. Nothing to freak out about, (and maybe not worth $2) but definitely solid, and a vast improvement over the standard McChicken. 

Next up was the Bacon Buffalo Ranch McChicken. 

Bacon. Buffalo. Ranch. I'm in.

sweet heavens.

I also got extremely sauced on this one, and this also had completely unnecessary and barely-there lettuce. But even with too much sauce, this was pretty awesome. I didn't really taste much ranch (which is good since I'd rather have blue cheese)- the sauce is more just like a fairly tangy buffalo sauce. And it's spicy enough, but not too spicy. The problem for me was that, while I tasted bacon, buffalo is such a strong flavor that the bacon was overshadowed. And bacon being on there makes this fella cost $2, so that may be a problem for some cheapskates. Of course, there's also the bacon-less version for $1, but if you can get a sandwich with bacon or one without and you even think about not getting the one with bacon, you're... probably not reading this right now.

It was good though. I'll give it a B- 

Next up was my favorite of the 3, the BBQ Ranch Burger. 

Having not seen any commercials and looking at the menu for about a second before ordering, I figured this bad larry would just be what it says it is- a cheeseburger with ranch and BBQ sauce (which is possibly the greatest combination of sauces known to man). So what the hell else is on this?


That's right- McDonalds stepped up their game, big time. Sure, the chips aren't the best quality and they can get a bit soggy being sandwiched between sauce and hot cheddar cheese, but the additional crunch and slight BBQ flavor (they're BBQ corn chips, like ghetto Fritos) was quite awesome. 

small, but delicious

And the sauce, though not as good as BBQ/ranch combo sauces I've had in the past, was still damn solid- very tangy and actually quite unique. It may be a love-it-or-hate-it flavor, but I'm in. I give this an A, partly for flavor, partly for the fact that THERE ARE CHIPS ON THIS BURGER AND THAT MEANS IT GETS AN INSTANT A GODDAMMIT.


Then I started thinking. 

I'm embarrassingly new to the whole combine-fast-food-to-make-your-own-creations thing, but after messing around with fry burgers, my mind is constantly in creation mode now. You could say I'm a creationist.

If you haven't explored the value menu at McDonalds since it was called the DOLLAR menu (thanks obama), then you may have missed out on the insanely simple yet delicious Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger I mentioned earlier. The caramelized onions are sweet and delicious and work wonderfully with burg and cheddar. But they're always too small and I want more. hmmm.....

Maybe if I just move some things around...

oh no

Loyal readers and new visitors to your new favorite website, I present to you possibly the greatest fast food creation known to man: The Grilled Onion Cheddar Bacon BBQ Ranch Double Cheeseburger, or G.O.C. tripB Q.R.D.C.B for short.

glorious mess 

I played around with this in the 3 times I've gotten this since I created it, and I've realized the best order of ingredients. Here's how you do it in 7 easy steps (I didn't want to attempt to order this- too much room for error). 

1. Order a Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger with bacon. 
2. Order a BBQ Ranch Burger.
3. Pay, tear open bags, begin drooling.
4. Take the top bun off the GOC Burger and throw it at someone.
5. Take the bottom bun off the BBQ Ranch Burger and feed it to the pigeons. 
6. Merge bunless sections together.
7. Heaven.

So to recap- this is a double cheeseburger with 2 pieces of cheddar cheese, a BBQ ranch combo sauce, bacon, caramelized onions, and BBQ corn chips. 


I... can't... even.....

Honestly, you can taste every aspect of this beast- the ingredients differentiate themselves perfectly while somehow combining into one amazing flavor. The only downside might be the BBQ/ranch sauce if you don't like the flavor, but I think it's great. 

This is seriously something incredible- like, mind blowing. And it's $3.26! And you know what else? If the burgers are hot enough when you get them, the cheddar cheese merges together to create a cheese goo that surrounds the burger and helps keep it together. And you can give the extra buns to your dog that will probably rip them out of the trash anyway!


Although simple, this is a fantastic frankenburger with literally everything a man could want on a burger, for a cheap price, and I give it an A++++. It's truly one of my greatest accomplishments. 

-review by Mike

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Taco Bell: Triple Steak Stack

The past week I've been hearing nonstop commercials on the radio, and seeing countless ads on television telling me the urgency of running south of the border and to "live mas" with Taco Bell's new Triple Steak Stack. I ran out to give it a go and waded neck deep in the Rio Grande to jam this new offering into my salivating mouth hole.
triple the steak!?!
I walked into my local Taco Bell and upon ordering, was asked by one of the employees, "Man, Have you had this yet?" My reply was no, and then he proceeded to tell me how awesome it was, and how I needed to dip it into sour cream. A man after my own heart it seems, because I too enjoy dipping almost anything into sour cream. The employee hooked me up with a small container of sour cream and off I went to try this out.

Looking at this thing at this distance, I wasn't overly impressed. But what do I expect for $4.99?

Upon lifting up the Bolio flatbread (which i'm pretty sure means "warm, thick old lady labia") to unearth what was inside, I was taken aback by the amount of cheese on this thing!

After I bit into this, I was pleasantly surprised. The amount of cheese, the thick veins of meat, all on this warm, floppy flatbread was a pleasant change from the normal fast food servings which typically use fillers to take our mind away from what we really want. The meat, however it is prepared, does have an overly processed steak taste, one that has kind of this hint of mushrooms, but for no real reason.

sour cream didn't really add to this, and I suspect it's Taco Bells flavorless version of sour cream to be the culprit.

 So basically, this is just Taco Bells version of a steak and cheese sub. I think the mistake they are making with it, even though it does have the "no bullshit" appeal of just being steak and cheese, is that there should be SOMETHING else to this. It's a filling sandwich, and tastes pretty damn good if you stop about 3/4's in. I struggled at the end because of that fake meat flavor I mentioned earlier. I'm pretty sure they could mask that weirdness with a little added something, and maybe get out of the mediocrity of just being steak and cheese. Sure, it's ok, but I can get an INSANELY good steak and cheese for about $7 at my local pizza joint.

the battered and bruised Colonel reluctantly took a bite, and quietly whispered to me "Why am I here?"
Then broke down and sobbed.

After I finished up the flatbread, I was gathering my things to head on home and one of the other workers there came over to me and asked how I enjoyed it. I told him the only real problem I had with it, and he agreed. He told me that Taco Bell shipped them a new kind of meat for this, and he thinks it's a little substandard to what he's used to. So, my review was affirmed, and even though I did have some issues with the sandwich, I didn't hate it. It sits currently in the middle for me. If someone was like "hey Josh I got you the new TB Trip Steak Stack, you want it" I'd say "sure", but I wouldn't saw anybody's head off for it like you see along the US/Mexico border. I guess the US just does Mexican food better it causes all this senseless violence.

I give the Taco Bell Triple Steak Stack a 
It isn't good, it isn't bad, it just is. 

As always, feel free to email us with any ideas you have, comments, questions, or if you see something out in the wild that you would like us to review! Email us at: Fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com , hit us up on Twitter at: twitter.com/fatguyfoodblog , or LIKE us on Facebook for tons more FGFB Fun! Also...Christmas is coming, get your favorite Fatguyfoodblog fan a t-shirt! It will add much magic to their Christmas morning...GUARANTEED!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Gingerbread Double-review! Gingerbread M&M's & Gingerbread Twix!

The very instant Halloween is over, every big department store in America rolls out their holiday displays. Christmas music begins being played in stores, giant boxes full of tubes of wrapping paper get placed in your way in the aisles, and you know that for the next two months you will get bombarded with Christmas stuff whether you like it or not. One true upside to all of this commercialization of the holidays is that you can bet your ass all the major snack and candy companies are going to roll out some limited edition flavors of your favorite treats. Well I braved the seasonal snack aisle at our local Walmart and found the first sugar filled offerings of this kind for the 2013 holiday season. Up first... Gingerbread M&M's! 

In case you forgot what gingerbread was, Ol' Red here has you covered...
Gotta say, I love the art on the bag. Red holding a plate with a gingerbread man on it? GOLD. But M&M's have never needed any help in the packaging department. The big question is, DO THEY TASTE LIKE GINGERBREAD??? The answer might surprise you. They do.

They taste like a strange chocolate version of gingerbread. It's definitely a more subtle flavor. The chocolate and candy shell dominate it but then your taste buds catch up and you say, "OH, yeah there it is. That's definitely Gingerbread!" Are they going to blow your mind? Probably not, but I definitely enjoyed them more than the Pumpkin Spice M&M's we reviewed back in October.

 They chose a strange color scheme for them. I get the Red and Green, for Christmas, but brown? Is that supposed to be for the gingerbread? Ehhhhhh....maybe? But in the end, who really cares about color. Would you care if they were hot pink? Wait. Yeah I think I might. There goes my logic right out the door.

I'd give these a B-, they were enjoyable, they tasted like what they were supposed to taste like, and I never really got sick of them. Would I buy them over Peanut Butter M&M's? Hell no. Those are the greatest ever. But for your candy dish as the holidays creep closer, these will delight your guests sweet tooth at every turn.
Unless they hate gingerbread.

Thanks Red Skull, I'll take it from here...

We had heard that regular sized versions of these existed out in the world but we were only able to find the giant bag of tiny, individually wrapped bars. Which actually made reviewing them easier. You could keep going back to try them to refresh your memory. Which is just the fat guy excuse for wanting to eat an entire bag of candy bars. Makes sense right? Did they taste like Gingerbread? Yep they did.

HOWEVER, I feel like the first bite you take of one of these, you get a weird blast of dry cracker tasting gingerbread and you kind of start thinking that you don't like them. But as you start chewing them, and the chocolate and caramel mix together with the gingerbread cookie, it somehow amplifies the gingerbread taste to where you end up nodding in approval as you're finishing it off. Bottom line? Good stuff.
I'd give these a B. If they didn't start out a little weird, the rating might be higher.

Keep in mind, if you don't like gingerbread, stay the hell away from both of these. But if you've been known to chase down a gingerbread man here and there during the holidays, scoop up both of these limited edition candies!

Review by Rich!

As always, feel free to email us with any ideas you have, comments, questions, or if you see something out in the wild that you would like us to review! Email us at: Fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com , hit us up on Twitter at: twitter.com/fatguyfoodblog , or LIKE us on Facebook for tons more FGFB Fun! Also...Christmas is coming, get your favorite Fatguyfoodblog fan a t-shirt! It will add much magic to their Christmas morning...GUARANTEED!