Monday, December 16, 2013

Wendy's: Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

It's been out for about a month, and I have to say I've kind of been dragging ass reviewing this burger. I'm not the biggest fan of mushrooms, after all:

If the sight of feces hasn't made you click away from the page yet, read on beloved follower, as you might surmise from other review sites, this burger is fantastic.

took the GF on a romantic night out

 Upon biting into this majestic beast of a burger, I was taken aback by how enormous it was. The new Wendy's system of order patties works wonders. Too much of a man for one, too self respecting for three, I opted for the heft of a two patty pleasure house to take me in the back room and show me things I've only ever dreamed of tasting.  If you've had the new burgers, you know what I'm saying is true, you know the amount of cheese that comes on these things is this side of perfect, and bacon, how in the world could bacon ever ruin anything? 

And you're asking yourself the same thing I did "oh hey, they made this burg before, but now it's on a BRIOCHE BUN! NICE! What, praytell, is a brioche bun?" So I looked it up, and it's just a fancy way of them making the bun fluffier, and much worse for you. But hey, it's FGFB, we take the hit so you don't have to. 

thick and beautiful

And now, the point of contention, the mushrooms. "WHAT ABOUT THE MUSHROOMS?" you're probably screaming.

the mushroom is just daring you to take a bite of it's weird, alien flesh

I barely noticed the mushrooms to be honest. I don't like mushrooms at all, so you better bet your ass if this thing was all shroomed out, I would have puked my guts out everywhere just from the texture of slimy creature flesh that is a sliced mushroom. It tasted more like an amazing burger, with a hint of cream of mushroom soup in it. The actual mushroom bits get lost in the gooey meat and cheese combo that is between this fancy french bun. Thus, making this burger extremely enjoyable.

So the burger was absolutely incredible by all accounts, the flavor, texture, all wrapped in a smokey bacon over flavor that tied it all nicely together. I was trying to think of a way to improve this masterpiece for when it's released again next year, but the only real thing I could think of was this:


So next year, when all the execs are sitting around the table, wondering what to do to boost sales to the ever rotating burger world, remember, FGFB knows burgers, and adding BBQ sauce to this thing kicked it straight into the next solar system.

Everything about this was excellent. I give The new Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt on a Brioche Bun an A. It's completely changed my outlook on burgers and mushrooms, and I dare you, young future fat guy, get it, I dare you not to piss your pants with joy like I did.

don't worry, I finished it this time

The Girl I came there with

And the girl I left with

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  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. totally didn't mean to delete your comment- I agree, her sweater rules. I'm kind of jealous.

  2. I never noticed this until your close up, but it looks like it says MOM under Wendy's neck/her "collar".

    Also, agreed: Mushrooms are icky. I'm glad you enjoyed this burger, but I got grossed out even seeing the pictures of mushrooms.

  3. Thanks for the FatGuyFoodBlog shirt, stickers, and button! my girlfriend is the best for making my christmas a big FAT awesome suprise! #BigFan