Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Dunkin' Donuts Pretzel Roll Roast Beef and Chicken Salad Sandwiches

Oh I know what you're going to say. "Hey Josh, umm didn't these come out a while ago?" and my answer to you will be yes, and I'm well aware of the lateness to the party for this post, for which, I sincerely apologize. I think with the Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger, I in no way thought anything from a fast food chain could top how awesome that sandwich is, and didn't even bother giving DD the time of day when they decided to offer these. So with this post, I correct my error and dive back into the new, lush world, of pretzel bun sandwiches.

"well what do we have here?"*
*deciphered from dog speak -Editor

 FIRST UP! the Dunkin' Donuts Pretzel Roll Roast Beef Sandwich.

As a man who enjoys meat, I was pretty damned surprised biting into this sandwich. The Roast Beef felt real, tasted extraordinarily beefy, and the creamy dijon sauce with the cheddar, all on top of a toasted, salty pretzel bun, was out of this world.

Each bite was delicious, and at no time was I grossed out by a pastry/coffee chain offering slabs of roast beef. After finishing off this stellar sandwich, there was only really one thing that I could think of that was off about it. 

How damn tiny this was. Coming in at under $4, I wasn't expecting this thing to make me strain my enormous rippling biceps to get to my mouth hole, but come on guys, if you want to sell some sandwiches, don't insult the buyer by giving us gumdrop sized lunch offerings. If you want to get a man, real men into your shop, double that size and charge $5 straight up. He'll come in, look you in the eye, and shake your hand with a firm goddamn grip because you just made his day.

NEXT! Chicken Salad. 

is that love or murder in his eyes?

In case you were wondering if all of the pretzel bun offerings were bite sized, or maybe it's just because they want to reign in the costs of the roast beef one, well, here you go.

I could slide this into my back pocket

This dime sized sandwich comes without a toasted bun, which I think I understand, but at the same time the roast beef sandwich was so delicious on the toasted bun, I was disappointed with noticing it comes differently. First bite into this sandwich and all you can really taste is the pretzel bun encasing a large wad of chunky goo. Several more bites, yep, more goo.

I honestly had no idea what the hell I was eating. Not for one instance did my brain make the connection to anything resembling chicken. I tried to single out a few of the chunks within my mouth to see if the flavor was just being overshadowed by the cold goo sauce that they used to make the "chicken salad". Got a few out, bit through them, swirled them about my hurricane tongue, and still, absolutely no clue what the hell it was. It reminded me of when I got a large bag of tofu to cut up and put into stir fry, just a blank placeholder.

There was another Tuna pretzel bun sandwich that I was tempted to try when I got these ones, but after biting into the chicken salad, I'm glad I steered clear. This was disgusting.

In conclusion, if you're headed out and want a snack in disguise as a sandwich, get the roast beef, it's awesome. If you've eaten poison and need a quick way to make yourself gag and puke out your insides, grab a chicken salad one. But get it toasted, it'll make that mouthful of goo go down a tad bit easier.

I give the Dunkin Donuts Roast Beef Pretzel Roll Sandwich a B (hey could be an A if you weren't so stingy) and the Chicken Salad an F. Stay far, very far away from it.

As always, feel free to drop us a line at fatguyfoodblog@gmail.com with any questions, comments, or ideas for reviews! Don't forget to follow us on Twitter for mini reviews & junk food news, and LIKE us on Facebook to keep up with all our crazy antics!

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