Friday, June 24, 2016

Hostess Milky Way Brownies!

Folks, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't really care about Hostess stuff. Remember a few years back when they were going out of business and everyone threw a fit? Eventually, against all odds, Hostess came back from the brink, like Rocky Balboa turning it all around in the final moments of a title fight.  People's fears of a Twinkie-less world were put to rest. Well I'm going to throw it out there, I felt no sadness at the death of the Twinkie. They aren't good! I don't think I've ever spent money on one. I've definitely eaten them when given them, and it helps remind me of why I don't ever buy them. Tastes vary from one fatguyfoodblogger to another, so I'm sure my peers will have an ear full to send my way. But that's just me. I don't really like much of what they have to offer. Those little cupcakes? 

Uhhh...what about the fruit pies?

Ho Hos? Zingers?

But I have to be honest, Ding Dongs are great (Insert penis joke here). Despite being half the size they used to be.  Chocolate Zingers are decent too. Those fruit ones? Nasty. But in the end it kind of just feels like Hostess likes to do what's comfortable and what people expect from them. The problem there is that people feel nostalgic when it's going to go away, but they rarely purchase the items because they are old hat. Things they have had a million times before, but that are nothing new. You gotta give them points for trying to put different filling in the Twinkies over the past couple years, but come on, gang, you gotta do better than that.  I have heard that their Salted Caramel Cupcakes are pretty good, but haven't run into them to try them yet. 
Perhaps someone at Hostess finally knows what's up. When I saw the new Milky Way Hostess Brownies in my local grocery store I was like...

So I bought a box! Let's check them out! 

The Hostess Milky Way Brownies come in a box of six. Makes sense. I guess a half dozen is a solid number when you're talking about brownies. Of course, I ripped the box open and just dumped them all out on the table at once. Just in case they are so good that I decide I need to eat all of them right there at that moment, like Cookie Monster...but with brownies. 

You always have to brace yourself when un-boxing a pastry item like this because it's never going to look like it does on the box. Let's be realistic. They are tumbling around inside of that box like a bunch of astronauts training in zero g. But these don't look too bad! Lots of chocolate and nougat chunks stuck in the caramel! My first thought is that they smell like Cosmic Brownies. You know, those awesome little brownies with the multi-colored candies on top that are put out by Little Debbie, aka the Queen of Pastries. Mother of snack cakes. Breaker of diets.

The Hostess Milky Way Brownies themselves do kind of taste like Cosmic Brownies, but not as moist. The caramel on top is more like caramel flavored frosting. I was hoping it would be as gooey as the caramel on the box and the caramel you find inside a Milky Way Bar. But...this is okay too. 

The Milky Way pieces on top are kind of disappointing. It's really sort of just dry pieces of chocolate and nougat with the occasional melty piece. It really all just combines in your mouth into a strange sweet paste. Not bad, but also it doesn't really get me too excited. Also it really doesn't taste that much like a Milky Way.  I think they missed the boat with the nougat. Imagine the brownie having a gooey nougat center? Perhaps with caramel frosting and chocolate pieces on top? Seems like they took the lazy way out. 

When a world famous snack cake company teams up with one of the greatest candy bars of all time, you expect to see sparks flying. You want to bite into it and see a fireworks display like they have at Disney World every night. But the Hostess Milky Way Brownies are more like a sparkler.  Hissing away in your hand for a moment. It's cool, and it's better than not having fireworks. But is it the sky lighting up and filling your brain with wonder? Nope. Same here. I think Hostess needs to hire someone to mix things up. Baseball themed cupcakes? That's what you're doing? Really? In 2016? Really? Sigh. If you're curious and want to try these out, go for it, but be prepared for mediocrity.  Are they better than not having a brownie at all? Sure. But if you need me, I'll be eating this here Cosmic Brownie. My allegiance lies with my Queen.

I give Hostess Milky Way Brownies a C. Such potential, but in the end, just an average sweet pastry snack that won't get you that excited at all. 

Review by Rich Brunelle, who can be found walking all around Seattle to find items to review on this very website.

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