At last.... Schweddy Balls

Damn you Ben & Jerry's.

When news of the creation and release of Schweddy Balls broke, uproar over the name, confusion on the timing of it all, the mystery of finding it, and the endless questions of "have you had it yet?" abounded. We read ok reviews and bad reviews from fellow food-bloggers. We were worried, excited, curious, and angry. All we wanted to do was the one thing we couldn't- taste the damn stuff.

If you've been living under a rock (or are thin), Schweddy Balls is a limited release of Ben & Jerry's ice cream named after a Saturday Night Live skit starring Alec Baldwin, that is about 13 years old now. If you haven't seen it, view it here.

Why Ben & Jerry's launched an ice cream flavor based on a 13 year-old Christmas-themed skit featuring rum balls (a Christmas-themed dish) in the middle of summer is anyone's guess. But we finally found it.

and we were very excited.

Fortunately, the frequency that I'm finding it has gone way up, so maybe now that it's nearly December, all our readers will be able to find it in the month that it should taste best. At the time, I found it at a gas station nearly an hour from my house, and I had to blast the AC to keep it cold and not ruin it. Seems crazy right? I'd later buy 2 from the same gas station, as it was the only place I'd been able to find it. The lengths fat guys will go to...

So how is it? Awesome.

The ice cream is basically vanilla with a SLIGHT, barely-there other flavor, which is apparently a "hint of rum." I wasn't excited about the malt balls at first, but grew to love their crunchiness in the overall creamy gooeyness of the ice cream. Plus, you can barely tell the difference between the malt balls and rum balls by sight, so you never know what you're going to bite into. I've never had a rum ball before, but based on this ice cream, they taste exactly like chewy eggnog. And that rules.

Malt ball on the left, rum ball on the right. Friends for life.

I would describe this ice cream as eggnog ice cream loaded with chocolate covered balls of goodness. Frozen chunky eggnog. It's great. Because my brain is trained to drink eggnog slowly and in small doses, and because of just how many balls there are in this, it's definitely an eat-slowly-and-savor kind of ice cream. There are better flavors of ice cream out there, and everyone has a favorite Ben & Jerry's that will probably be considered better than this, but Schweddy Balls is a delicious and very unique flavor. Definitely get a carton if you can find it. I'd recommend gas stations over supermarkets- I've still yet to see it at a supermarket but have seen it at probably 6 gas stations now.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hey Ben & Jerry's, how about canning this whole "limited release" thing and launching a SEASONAL RELEASE of this stuff. Seasonal food is something few food companies seem to want to do, even though in my opinion, it's a great idea. This tastes like eggnog and was based on a Christmas skit, so why not have it come out every year around Christmas? Why not give people something to look forward to? Look at beer- every season has a completely different selection. It's time for food to follow. Sadly, because people in this country are too uptight (and I get it, as it was definitely weird telling my mom the name of this ice cream), you may have to change the name. Here, how about this 10 minute photoshop job? Think about it, Ben & Jerry, I know you're reading this blog.

not my finest work, but you get the idea

A-

-Mike

Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos

From being fat guys and as evidenced by past posts, I feel like we here at Fatguyfoodblog are experts in Oreos. No other cookie company makes more flavors and does them with such class and consistency. So when I saw that they had made Berry Burst Ice Cream flavored Oreos, I bought them immediately- I saw no "NEW!" label on the package, so these could have been around for years, but I've somehow never seen them. It was time to try them. 

not sure how they're "ice cream," but I'm in.

Were they good? Of course, they're Oreos. Do they compete with regular or triple double, or any of the other new ones coming out? Not really. They're just another flavor. If you like the combination of strawberry/cherry/raspberry and chocolate, these will be right up your alley. But what made them more a "ok, I like these" vs. a "OH MY GOD MORE" cookie was the creme.

granulated sugar

Oreo creme is notoriously smooth and soft. That smooth softness is what separates true Oreos from their cheaper no-name imitations. These cookies didn't have that smoothness- the creme is gritty and rough, like the good folks at the Oreo factory were mixing the creme and decided to head out early. The flavor is good- I would say it's a solid mix of strawberry and cherry. I don't know where they got "ice cream" from, but it's a good flavor, just bad creme. So, eating these the way I (and most people) eat Oreos (pulling the cookie apart and eating all of the creme at once, or stacking it all to make absurd cookies) just doesn't work. The creme doesn't stand up. These cookies only work well if eaten as a whole, with the chocolate mixed in with the creme. They're worth a try, but only if you really like fruit mixed in with your cookies, and only if you want to eat Oreos in a very non-Oreo way. Worth a try, but nothing to freak out about. 

not the best creme, but tasty anyway.

I'd give these a C+. They got boring after awhile, and came nowhere near the "oh my god take these away from me before I eat the whole bag" feel of regular Oreos, but for something different, they're definitely solid. Keep the flavors coming, Oreo. You consistently make the best cookies. 

-Mike

Wendys new Hot 'N Juicy cheeseburgers!

Five Guys Burgers & Fries has won best burger across the nation two years in a row now. For good reason- they are fantastic.

What can Mcdonalds or Burger King do to measure up? Sadly, nothing. The only one that ever had a chance was Wendys, because their taste is the least "fast food" of the bunch. But sadly, in years past, they have just kept their recipe the same and not decided to step it up at all. Sure, we got the Baconator. But since then? NOTHING.

Dave promises THE BEEF.

But now they have debuted their new Hot 'N Juicy burgers. They promise premium ingredients and an all around better burger experience. But do they deliver? Can Wendys dethrone FIVE GUYS with these new burgers? Could it happen?!

Well...probably not.

But don't let that keep you from trying them, because listen up, they are Damn Good!

The Fatguyfoodblog crew took a trip to Wendys to sample them together. I, of course, went with the 3/4 pound Triple, because...well come on.  I'm writing for FATGUYFOODBLOG. We don't mess around. How much respect will readers lose for me if they saw me review this with the smaller burgers?

The answer? TONS. I'd be the laughing stock of the fat guy food reviewers crowd. I'm not about to let that happen.

Not as pretty as the promo pictures...

The first thing to notice is the paper wrapping. They go old school. No printed up see through tissue paper crap here. This is a thick paper like a guy might wrap a slab of meat in down at the family deli. Which is very fitting because this burger is a meat monster. Three thick slabs of beef, the usual veggies, and nothing wild in the way of condiments. No bbq sauce, or bacon. This thing was their standard recipe and still wowed me.

Juicy, and bursting with flavor.

So...Much...Meat.

One of my favorite parts was the toasted, buttered bun. This was something that jumped out to me in the description, but that I didn't expect to be able to notice too much. I was very wrong. It was delicious and jumped out at me like a slap in the face. I found myself wondering why EVERY burger in the known universe didn't come on a toasted, buttered bun. What the hell were we thinking? I for one have learned from this mistake and vow to butter and toast EVERY bun from this day forward.

This is my, "Man I shouldn't have gotten fries & nuggets with this" face. 

Now if you're a regular person, you may want to opt out of the Triple. It's a serious burger. I recommend it only to super fat people, giant manly men, and guys who are being challenged by their friends to eat something huge. This will satisfy those groups. If you are normal, or someone who does not want to be insanely full, maybe get the double instead. It might be more your speed. I wouldn't waste your time with the single though...that's just too wimpy.

GRADE: B+

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramasu

Ben and Jerry's Volun-Tiramasu

Stumbled upon this new flavor at Target. Along with a few others. I decided to review this one first because it sounded the weirdest.

Coffee Mascarpone ice cream with cocoa dusted coffee rum lady finger pieces.

Hmm. Okay. First of all. What the hell is Mascarpone? I had no idea. I bought this blind. Someone told me it was a kind of cheese and scoffed, making a dumb face. "Cheese...In ice cream. Good one, dumb ass."

But...yeah I was wrong. That's exactly what it is.

Mascarpone (English: /ˌmæskɑrˈpoʊniː/ or /ˈmɑːskərpoʊn/, Italian: [maskarˈpoːne]^[1] is an Italian cheese made from cream, coagulated with citric acid or acetic acid .

It just gets more and more interesting. I like coffee. I usually like things that are dusted with cocoa. I like...cheese.

Well here's the deal. This ice cream just isn't that good at all.

The ice cream itself is coffee but a very light. The flavor is almost an afterthought. It's the weakest coffee ice cream I've ever tasted with it still being able to be called coffee. It's almost like I was eating flavorless ice cream and someone walked by drinking a coffee and my brain tried to link the two. Now as a man who enjoys the strongest coffee I can get my hands on, I have no room in my life for weak coffee tastes.

Strike ONE.

There was still hope. The Cocoa Dusted coffee run lady finger pieces!

Oh..you mean those bland chunks of stale bread that are hidden in here?

With the half a seconds worth of chocolate taste on the outside? Nope. Those aren't saving this train wreck. Sorry Ben. Sorry Jerry.

You knock a lot of these flavors out of the park but this is not one of them.

So if you like to be bored, or you aren't big on flavor, Volun-Tiramisu is probably the ice cream for you.

But if you're like most of the food lovers that visit FATGUYFOODBLOG, you want big flavor. Steer the snack train clear of this pint!

GRADE: D...for DIS IS SOME BORING ASS ICE CREAM!

KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl

A few years back, KFC created heaven in a bowl. They somehow managed to jam Thanksgiving into a plastic bowl, slap a top on it, charge you 5 whatever it is, and send you into a pants-unbuttoned couch coma full of happiness. Other countries hated America more, hypocrite health nuts wailed on about how horrible of a creation it was (and I call them hypocrites because they're happy to sit down on Thanksgiving and indulge in the exact same foods), and fat people wheezed a collective breath of satisfaction that they lived in a world where they could eat a bowl full of Thanksgiving any time they wanted to.
At first, I criticized KFC for their use of corn: "Get these goddamn vegetables out of my heartburn!" But soon realized that the corn was integral. The famous bowl wouldn't work if one of the items wasn't there- the gooey and salty goodness of the mashed potatoes, the crispy and kind of sweet chicken, the salty spiciness of the gravy, and the sweet corn fighting against all of it. It all worked wonderfully, with melted cheese goo all tying it together like a shiny and colorful middle finger pointed right at your heart. It was perfect. It IS perfect.

But then KFC stepped it up. America is fat. America likes bacon. America likes putting bacon in anything they can. LET'S PUT BACON IN THE FAMOUS BOWL!!! The ad campaign itself said "wow, another one for the colonel." I was psyched.

surprisingly not as easy as I thought to eat this while driving

Immediately upon digging into this monstrosity, I saw the inherent and should-have-been-obvious problem with this creation: the famous bowl is perfect as it is. PERFECT. So how could bacon make it better? Somewhat sadly, it couldn't. It honestly just distracted me from the flavor I wanted. Gravy and bacon are both very strong and although somewhat similar, they're basically flavors that work against each other, competing for flavor domination. I found myself thankful that I didn't mix the whole thing up, as the bacon stayed in the center of the meal, and I was done with it and left with a third of the bowl with no bacon. And it was better. Also, the bacon wasn't anything special. Up close, it looked like real bacon, but at quick glance it looked like bacon bits. It kind of tasted that way too.

Try it- if you're reading this blog, you know you are going to- you may already have. Maybe you'll love it. But my guess is that you'll say what I said: "eh... it's neat, but I think I'd rather just have a regular famous bowl." So treat this post not as a good or bad review, but if anything, as a reminder that we live in a country where the KFC Famous Bowl exists, and we should be thankful for that, bacon or not.

Original Famous Bowl: A

Cheesy Bacon Bowl: B

-Mike

Cookies from THE COOKIE JAR...

I recently stopped into Aroma Joes in Somersworth, NH to grab a coffee one morning- the one where you can actually go inside. I don't get there often, so I'm not usually able to take a gander at what they have for pastries and donuts. Most days, I have to yell about something through the drive through window and cross my fingers they still have some left. "CRANBERRY ORANGE SCONE PLEASE!.....what? Sold out? Sigh...I'll just go hungry." But this day, that wasn't the case! I ordered my coffee and as I was looking in the case at the various treats and something off to the side caught my wandering eye.
A small package of cookies...

There were three cookies in the pack and after hefting the bundle in my grip for a moment, my brain had already decided that these had beat out all the other things in the shop that day. So I decided to try them.
And boy, am I happy I did.
These cookies are fantastic. I've had my fair share of chocolate chip cookies in my day and honestly, most of them get lost in the shuffle. A cookie has to be pretty damn good to shine beyond the mediocre masses of them. These definitely do.

Chock full of chocolate chips, I'm talking PACKED, but somehow it's not too much. It's like the cookie to chip ratio is somehow perfect. The cookie itself is rich and chewy, with just the slightest salty hint to make for that perfect sweet and salty taste that I pretty much want EVERYTHING I snack on to have.
I ate the first cookie fast and then savored the second two. The moment I was finished I kind of wished I had bought a second package. Now that I'm typing this, I wish I had a package in front of me. I'd tear into it like a wild man and hope to the good lord above that nobody was around to see how much of a pig I was making of myself.
So go track down some of these cookies. Their website says that all Aroma Joes coffee houses have them. The locations are listed there. You can also read up on their story and some pretty solid testimonials. Check them out at: http://thecookiejarnh.com/ .
I could only rate these cookies with an A. Anything else would be absurd.
Review by Rich

Rice Krispies Treats CRUNCH MIX

The fun part of being a part of a blog like this is that when you go somewhere and see something new and they have more than one flavor, you don't have to just choose one. When we spotted these new Rice Krispies Treats Crunch Mixes, I asked my fellow FATGUYFOODBLOGGERS, "Man...which one should I get?"
Mike's response: "A true blogger would get both so he can compare."
That's sound logic. So that's that I did. It's a good thing, too, because if I hadn't I'm pretty sure I would have eaten the entire bag before I had a chance to take pictures. It was a snacking emergency.

So Rice Krispies threw together a trail mix type snack that comes in two flavors. CLASSIC & CHOCOLATE. Let's begin with the obvious...

CLASSIC

Whats in it?

First we have Rice Krispies Treats clusters. They are little, and brittle and don't have much taste.
Then there are the Vanilla mini cookies: Pretty much how it sounds. Just a little fragment of cookie.
Caramel Coated Pretzel sticks: It's just a pretzel stick with some sweetness to it. Not bad.
Mini Pretzel Twists: Nothing out of the ordinary here...
Yogurty Covered Pretzel Twists: Same pretzel, just covered in what appears to be a sweet coating of wax.
And finally, Cocoa Buttons: Yep. Don't call it an M&M. That's a Cocoa Button!
   All in all nothing spectacular. It's okay. You pop a handful in your mouth and none of it really works together. It's just a medley of snack items thrown into the same bag. I think the Yogurty Pretzels take it over. They have the aftertaste of marshmallow....KINDA. Maybe like if someone made Marshmallow flavored plastic.
But it's not terrible. I was well on my way to eating the whole bag.

Then there's the second flavor: CHOCOLATE

Chocolate

How does this one differ from Classic?

Basically it has Fudge Covered pretzels and "cocoa balls", which are for all intents and purposes Cocoa Puffs. All that and the little cookie pieces have a few discolorations on them that are supposed to be chocolate chips. Instead of a fake marshmallow flavor, this mix is heavy with a strange fake chocolate flavor. It's not terrible but it's not wonderful either. Again...just okay.

The Bottom line with these is that...they are just okay. If you grab a bag for a snack you aren't going to hate them. But you also probably won't go running out to get another bag anytime soon. They aren't anything special at all. Probably any flavor Chex mix are better than these. But if you are intrigued and want to give them a whirl, you probably won't be mad about spending the money. They aren't THAT bad. Just boring.
I give these a C. For Could have been a lot better.
Review by Rich.