What witty play on words or what hilarious gif can I insert here to knock the final Chinese food spotlight out of the goddamn park? You're not sure? I am. And you'll see both in my absolutely riveting review of Highland China House, located in East Rochester, NH.
Let's get started.
You'll be shocked to know, that as a freelance artist, I'm not a man of means. So, when choosing my selection for this review, price was definitely ringing around inside my brain like the loose change in my pockets. The Highland China House is like any other hole in the wall Chinese food strip mall establishment, with one glaring difference, which I'll fill you in on momentarily. I've been coming here for years. Watched the small children grow from babies taking their first wiggly steps in the corner, to preteens watching cartoons on ipads, in the corner. The HCH is small, and on NYE, crowded as hell. So me and the lady grabbed a bag moderately filled with food, and popped on the television for some GODDAMN AMERICAN Holiday festivities.
If science could replace my blood with Lo Mein noodles, I'd be jamming my arm in between two boulders and would be feasting on it for the next 127 hours.
It's odd that Chinese food has developed this symbiotic relationship with
itself where noodles or rice has to be present despite the vast amount
of award winning cast members throughout the menu.
HCH Lo Mein is stellar, not that greasy, and doesn't have that weird half plastic aftertaste that I've found some cheap Chinese places have. It provides an excellent appetizer vehicle, in which exotic meats can safely be delivered into my mouth.
The chicken fingers here were oddly thin. The batter, crispy, but within a small wedge of meat, although tasty, leaves you wanting MUCH more. I'm sad I only got a smaller order of these, but if you'll remember the whole change jingling bit I did above....but yeah! Don't shortchange yourself and get a large. Odd at first, but that may in fact be the beauty of them.
Crab Rangoons often times make of break whether or not I'll visit a Chinese place again. Highland China House has probably the best recipe for Crab Rangoons within a 50 mile radius of Rochester, NH. Crispy and sweet, the cream cheese that is encased within this fried wonton is not as thick as you'd imagine. Perfect in it's simplicity.
Another tried and true staple of Chinese cuisine, Beef Teriyaki. Now, these guys, these....are a little odd. Presented well, the meat tastes slightly over processed and segments off the stick really easily. It tastes decent, but not great, not horrid, and just leaves you with a slight uneasiness. The teriyaki sweetness is a like someone dipped their finger in a bowl of really good teriyaki sauce, then took that finger, and then rubbed it all around the outside of your lips.
it's there, you want to taste it, but it's nowhere near strong enough.
I obviously went with the most basic of meals for Highland China House, and if an extablishment can't get what is the absolute basics down, how would they fair if you decided to get a little more adventurous? I think, in HCH's case, they do farely damn well. The food, slightly greasy but doesn't leave your stomach in knots, they excel in some areas, lack in others, but one thing about HCH that we have to keep in mind: They aren't gross. 99% of the small hole in the wall chinese eateries are downright awful, and with that knowledge, it is refreshing to see a place take pride, taking the high road, NAY, the HIGH LAND, and reflect that pride in their product. I'm glad they're around.
I give the Highland China House a
B.
-Review by Josh
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We here at Fat Guy Food Blog venture into many a culinary world in our travels. I heard recently that humanity may all be the same soul, living out separate lives, experiencing countless things, and since time is not linear, we're all experiencing the world all at once, all one big entity writhing on top of one another for some mysterious, divine end. I'm not sure if I buy that, but I do believe in trying new things. That brings us here to The Green Elephant in Portsmouth, NH.
photo cred: portlandphoenix.me
I'm an idiot blogger and didn't even get a facade shot!
Thai inspired vegetarian food, located in the newly renovated downtown. I was somewhat excited to try this place. A few friends of mine exclaimed how good it was. As life long vegan and vegetarians, I figured their broccoli and wheat grass stained taste buds couldn't tell a grown man what was good and what wasn't! So I hit the bricks with the lady in tow, and ventured out to see what was so good about The Green Elephant.
Looking at the small menu, I was somewhat relieved. A typical Thai (or Thai inspired) place has menus as long as my leg, so going about and finding something was relatively easy.
We settled on an appetizer of Hot & Spicy Soy Sticks in a garlic chili cilantro sauce. Now, imagine my shock when this got sat down onto my table.
oh, 2...how convenient.
These have to be insanely good for them to be able to justify only having 2 correct? Well to answer that question, they were... pretty good. These little soy fake meats on a stick were prepped so well you'd swear they were just sliced off a weird exotic animal. The sauce was spicy, and delivered that sour sweetness you'd come to expect with anything labeled "Hot & Sour". It had a delicious, almost reminiscent of baked chicken skin, outer wonton type, casing.
The bamboo "bone" in the middle tricked my carnivorous brain into thinking I was eating animal flesh, and didn't once make me wish it was anything other than what it was.
The appetizer was good, but I'm still sitting their unfulfilled, and that's what appetizers are supposed to do, whet your appetite, and prime your body for proper ingestion of the main course. So I went with their style of Pad Thai. Something I'm familiar with at other places, of course it'll be good right?
You can also ask for your own level of spiciness, and me, not wanting my whole meal ruined if they went too heavy with the spice, went for a 3 out of 5.
The Pad Thai went as expected. Large portion, ingredients fresh and separate, not a stew of Pad Thai in peanut sauce like I'm used to. The peanut sauce was not as sweet as I would prefer, and I 100% regret not upping the spice level. The 3 was definitely pretty weak. The Rice noodles were cooked perfectly. Not the best Pad Thai I'd ever had, but not the worst either.
After I finished my bowl of food, there was something definitely missing. I didn't feel insanely full or heavy by the amount of food that was delivered to my table, which I SUPPOSE is a good sign.
still hungry, I eyed the ladies Thai Ginger Noodles
In the end, The Green Elephant wasn't anything phenomenal. The price tag was high, even for food that is served and prepared this fresh. I'm glad a decent vegetarian option is out there for my friends, but I hope they don't alienate themselves from regular folk by having higher prices than a standard Thai place, which do offer similar things, but maybe not as "healthy". I'd go back if they had a cheaper brunch option or something of that sort.
I give the Green Elephant a C-
It's nice, clean, fresh, and decent food. But nothing I tried really stood out as incredible. Slightly pricey if you're looking for a nice dinner, extremely expensive for a quick lunch. More of a place you'd go to impress a date, but not really go because you dig it. I would have bumped them up a full letter grade if they gave you more than 2 Hot and Sour Soy Sticks. That's just ridiculous.
-Josh
Throughout the meal sitting there, out of the corner of my eye, my inner
fat guy just kept stealing glances out of the window, perhaps wishing he
was another one of his past life soul tentacles, biting into something infinitely more delicious.
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Depending on where you are in the country, the term "Smokehouse" might mean something completely different from one another. I'll leave my fellow FGFB brother living in the unshackled free state of Washington to handle those ones, but me, for now, will deal with another kind of smoke. One that makes meats taste out of this world, and makes you want to gorge yourself until you can't think straight........uhhhhh Welcome, my friends, to Goody Cole's.
Located in the small town of Brentwood,NH, about halfway between Manchester and Rochester, Goody Cole's Smokehouse sits annoyingly far away, but when you pull in you wonder how is this place so packed at 2 in the afternoon? You walk in, seating is an issue, so it's good to have another member of your crew be on table watch while you're in line to order. The decor is folky, complete with license plates littering the ceiling and walls.
claaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssic
They have varying degrees of simple BBQ plates, ribs, chicken, pulled pork. Nothing too fancy, just straight up BBQ. I was a tad disappointed looking at the menu, but you've got to remember what kind of place your in, and instead of fancy garnished bullshit, you get a plate full of meat, which I can respect! I decided to get a 2 meat combo, grabbing up chicken, pulled pork, which had a side of cornbread, garlic mashed potatoes, and mac n cheese.
you'll notice the sauces....more on that in a moment.
And of course, EVERYTHING about this meal was delicious. The chicken wings, which normally I scoff at and never order because, what am I an animal? Gnawing on a giant bone, licking ferociously at it trying to get every scrap of meat I can off of it? I'm a civilized human being who likes his chickens ground into a fine mush, processed through million dollar machines, the ghost spice of billions of dead chickens DNA catching on and grabbing hold to then be reassembled into a meat shaped tender, easy for dipping! But even without THAT, these chicken wings were cooked perfectly, crispy outsides, deliciousness within.
The pulled pork receives an honorable mention here, It tasted how it should, wet, thick, tender, but was missing something. Not bad, not exceptional just, good. That's where these guys step in:
idea for the next Pixar film
In the BBQ world, sauce is vital. I know there's a lot of BBQists who will bitch and complain that what matters is the meat, which, yeah, it does, but at the same time you can have quality prepared meat, but it can't jump that hurdle into greatness, without a great sauce.
The problem here was, NONE of these sauces were exceptional. I gravitated towards the vinegar BBQ sauce and mustard, but everything else, was kind of disappointing. That seems to be the story with Goody Cole's, it's solid, everything tastes great, the food, expertly prepared, but I feel that a place that has this much cred, should have blown what's left of my hair back. Fortunately, the supporting characters of this meal, knew that they had mediocrity to tend with, and decided to deliver the performance of a lifetime.
The cornbread was deliciously cakey, but wet enough to hold itself together, and delivered that rush of corn goodness into your mouth.
The mac and cheese, was what you'd expect from a BBQ joint, it had that odd cheese grittiness to it, but it had another layer of some kind of cheese (I'm yet to find out what) that smoothed it over, and turned this little guy into a key player of the meal. I'd be tempted to drive there just for this, but I'm pretty sure I'd swerve into oncoming traffic because there's no way it's making it back home.
Goody Cole's has a lot going for it. It has solid food, amazing sides, nice rustic atmosphere,
but as I was saying earlier, nothing to make it AMAZING. I think possibly
what might give the place it's long and storied rep, is the fact that they deliver that
solid BBQ again and again. They know what
they are and do a fine job doing it, and that, I can appreciate.
I give Goody Cole's in Brentwood, NH a
B -Josh
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One day, the little lady came up to me and told me about a place near her friends house, called Lil's. Lil's is a small brunch cafe located across the street from the entrance to the shipyard in Kittery, Maine. She went on and on about how good it was, and being the alpha male that I am, decided to try this place out for myself. So we ventured out to NH's northern neighbor, and I have to say, I was very impressed by this little cafe spot, and let me tell you why you should be too.
a bountiful pastry selection
ALSO being the slow moving sloth that I am, I ended up getting to Lil's right after they stopped serving breakfast, which I believe is 11am. So if you're in the mood for a biscuit, quiche, or sausage egg wrap, I'd suggest you get there early enough. But I still was able to grab a coffee, and a pastry to warm things up before I went with something a little more lunch-worthy.
I went with a Chocolate Latte (whuuu?) and what I heard they were known for, a crunchy cruller. Normally latte's, coffee's, and espresso's come paired with a mocha flavoring, but the choice of homemade chocolate was interesting, and ended up being one of the best latte's I've had in a long time. The smooth chocolate delivered a much needed change from the weird off chemical shots of mocha that typical coffee places employ. The cruller, sweet but not so sweet you felt sick from a normal doughnut shop, had a slightly crunchy top, which helped you slow down from jamming the whole thing in your mouth like instinct begs you to. The cruller comes in at you, all sweet and awesome, the coffee then rears up and hits you in the mouth like
Their lunch selection felt like your classic small cafe selection, but definitely didn't taste like one.
she got some weird veggie thing which she SAYS is good, but not being a FGFB staff member, who knows if her palate can be trusted...
I got the Roast Beef with horseradish mayo, arugala, cucumbers, and cheddar cheese all on a freshly baked focaccia, served with house made chips and a pickle.
The roast beef was decently portioned, but much like the last two seasons of True Detective, there's quite a few stars of this sandwich. The roast beef, which you'd figure would be essential, took a back seat to the horseradish mayo, which provided a gentle heat among the fresh greens of arugula and cukes. The REAL main player of this sandwich though, was the focaccia. Normally focaccia is a little drier than I'd like from a sandwich. I often times exclaim "the wetter the better" like our pal Dirty Mike, when it comes to sandwiches. So when I ordered it on the focaccia, I was prepared to be underwhelmed. Much like my favorite Wookie however, the bread over delivered, and ended up being flavorful and Chewie.
HONORABLE MENTION: I feel like the house made chips should be spoken about. They were pretty much your standard in-house chip, thick, salty, good, but nothing really differentiated it from a any other house made chip. Which in the end, is fine, and might work out because you don't want something TOO weird to distract you from the pleasantness already on plate. I get it, it's good, I'd get it again.
I can't exclaim enough at how great this place was. Not only in atmosphere, or location, but also in quality and friendliness. This place also caters to a much more hip crowd than I belong to. It has a small vinyl collection for you to peruse inside of an old bank vault, so if you're ever dying of hunger AND cultural enlightenment, Lil's might just save your life.
I give everything about Lil's a solid A.
I haven't tried 90% of the menu, but the experience, and the quality of what I had there was definitely top notch. I'm already excited about the next time I'm in Kittery.
When a place as cool as BRGR Bar opens up in our backyard, you know it's only a matter of time before we get the whole Fatguyfoodblog crew together and take a trip down there. How could we not? Cool name. Word of mouth told us they had an interesting menu. Word through the grapevine is that they also had crazy milkshakes. That's about all we needed to know. So here you go, we all throw our two cents in about BRGR BAR in Portsmouth, NH!
RICH: I started off my BRGR Bar experience by making a mistake I have often made in the past and will most surely make sometime again in the near future. I got a milkshake before my food. I know what you're thinking: "What a moron. That's going to fill him up like crazy and he won't be able to finish his food." Well, you'd be wrong. I did finish it all, but I simply wanted to die after from being so full. That being said; Damn, what a milkshake. I couldn't pass it up. When I read the words: Nutella + Marshmallow + Graham Cracker milkshake, it was like a voice from a primitive part of my brain spoke up and told me I had to get it. End of story. So how was it?
It was like something you'd make up if you were offered three wishes from a genie. "Uh, I'd like Super powers, a trillion dollars and... A NUTELLA MARSHMALLOW GRAHAM CRACKER MILKSHAKE!" And you would not be disappointed. It was spectacular. Not too thick, not too thin, bursting with Nutella and marshmallow flavor. If you let it melt in your mouth you would find little flecks of graham cracker. Just absolutely excellent. When you get to the very end you get to slurp up a melted marshmallow that's slightly toasted on top. It's the perfect ending to a perfect shake.
JOSH: You know what? I was insanely jealous of this thing. I'm more steak-and-potatoes-workin-man-thick and not a bearded man circle chuggin down sweets, so I opted out of getting one.
RICH: Nothing wrong with getting a milkshake with your burger and fries, Josh. It's a time honored tradition. Just because you're on a diet...
RICH: Despite telling me I was making a mistake and was going to feel awful after, I could see the jealousy in the eyes of Mike and Josh every time I took a sip and exclaimed to them how good it was. If you want some good advice from me, I'll dish it out right here. If you find yourself in BRGR Bar for a lunch or dinner, order this shake. I'm slapping an A+ rating on this bad boy with zero hesitation.
MIKE: He's right. I was jealous. I wanted to get a different shake or ADULT shake with booze in it. I wanted both, but ate before we went there since I thought the plan was for dinner, not a 3pm lunch! I may just stop in for a milkshake the next time I'm in Portsmouth.
RICH: For an appetizer I ordered up the Ricotta Sweet Potato Tots. I honestly didn't see how these could be bad and I was right. Upon delivery to our table, I was a little shocked at how few of these you get for seven bucks, but after slugging down half of that milkshake I was happy I only had a couple of these to eat after sharing with my fellow Fatguyfoodbloggers.
Crunchy outside breaded coating with a slight sweetness to it, followed by hot, gooey cheese middle. Excellent but very rich. I bet if you ate a whole order of these you would want someone to put you out of your misery. I, however would definitely recommend them. They get a B+ from me. The only downside is how few you get for your hard earned cash.
JOSH: Those were pretty good. I know what you're gonna say: "YEAH RIGHT JOSH YOU DUMB!" Just listen ok? The star of the appetizer that day were the Buffalo Brussels Sprouts. How could disgusting brussels sprouts be good? I have no clue, but the magicians at BRGR Bar somehow made these things into majestic flavorful beasts. The buffalo encasing the weird brussels sprout flavor was oddly satisfying, and dipping them into creamy gorganzola, just Michael Jordan dunked over Rich's lame ass tots. He said it to the waitress like Napoleon Dynamite: "Gimme yer tots." The flavor was unlike anything I'd had before, and was absolutely stellar.
MIKE: I'll eat something fancy or weird every now and then, but I'm generally an American Fatass when it comes to food- I like pretty basic, delicious, bad-for-me foods. I think I spit out the last Brussels Sprout I ate. The waitress kept saying "trust me, they're amazing." I don't think I would have taken the bait, but Josh is a weirdo who likes vegetables, so he did. They were incredible. I wouldn't even really say they tasted like vegetables- they were more of just something you could chew that was covered in delicious (and unique) buffalo flavoring. They weren't too hot, and they were oddly kind of sweet. And the gorganzola cheese was just fantastic. A perfect, messy mix of flavors. I have nothing but good to say about these things.
RICH: I was very surprised that we even liked these. The waitress was very adamant that we try them. She told us numerous times that we would love them and I have to say I didn't believe here at all, but I was wrong. They were excellent. Such a weird, complex flavor. I'd definitely get them if I went there again, despite the fact that they look like something caught on an
"eat your buffalo brussels sprouts Tina"
RICH: For my burger I ordered the "OO-MOMMY," which boasts a Maine Family Farms patty topped with Gorgonzola, bacon jam, and crispy, fried onion rings. While there aren't a ton of choices on the BRGR BAR menu, I did find it pretty tough to decide which one to get, but come on, bacon jam? Onion rings? How could I NOT get this one?
Mike in the background is actually staring at my milkshake, longingly.
The waitress said they recommend having it cooked medium, so I took her word on it, despite a nagging fear that it would be too rare for me. When it came out, it was a thing of beauty. Buttery bun glistening, massive onion rings bulging from the sides and the Gorgonzola slathered burger patty was practically still sizzling there on my plate. Since BRGR Bar is a little more fancy than your usual burger joint, I opted for cutting it in half, to lessen the chance I was going to have to scrub sauce or grease off of my shirt. After cutting it, I thought it did indeed look too pink in the middle. But after my first bite, my fears were put to rest. It was excellent!
Looked too pink, tasted tremendous.
The onion rings have a bunch of thick batter around them and are full of great onion flavor. The bacon jam and Gorgonzola cheese melded together into a delicious sauce that I wish I could buy in a bottle. The bun was soft and chewy. I loved it all but the big deal ended up being the meat. So good. You could tell it's not processed frozen crap. This was straight up, grass fed local beef. You simply cannot go wrong with that.
I give this burger an A-. I enjoyed the hell out of it and was very satisfied. Why the minus? Get those damn greens off of that burger, man! They do nothing but take up space where there could be more cheese!
JOSH: Rich likes to blabber on, me I like to dip in and out, tell a few jokes, and say if the place was good. I opted for the "Poutine on a Portwalk"!
I ordered mine medium rare, and as you can see, it was a lot more rare than I thought it was going to be. But, being the man that I am, I powered on and still loved every bit of this thing. The burger consists of grass fed beef, fries, peppercorn gravy, melted cheese curd, and horseradish aioli.
Messy as hell and THICK
Is that just straight up raw meat?
yep it is.
JOSH: Biting into this burger, you find it's all the same consistency between two chewy buns. The flavors all blend together, and I honestly don't remember tasting much of the horseradish aioli, except for maybe a slight burn going on somewhere in the background. The cheese, fries, and meat all melded together to give the feeling you were biting into one giant delicious cheesy mess. The peppercorn gravy, which was also kind of lost inside the meat mess helped make sure the fries couldn't produce any texture. Don't get me wrong, as gross as it sounds, the burger had this quality to it that made that mess an absolute delight. The gravy and horseradish took me away enough from the cheese curd and meat to let me feel each level in my mouth. I'd 100% get this beast again, but maybe cooked this time to give the piece some backbone with which to stand.
I'd give it a B.
Was just great burger.
MIKE: I got the same burger as Rich because it was the only one where I knew what every ingredient was. I'm not fancy enough for this place! It was good, but it didn't blow me away. I didn't taste different ingredients all that well, and the meat was a bit too pink for my taste. I still demolished it though, I'd just give it more like a B-/C+. I like my burgers trashy I guess.
Something these dudes didn't mention that is absolutely worth mentioning was the fries!
MIKE: We all got Parmesan Truffle fries, and although they didn't give us a ton, they were really good. I think we all forgot to take a close up shot, but they were pretty basic fries with cheese and seasoning that was really really good. They had a real herby taste to them, and they included mayonnaise- I'm not sure if that was for the burgers, or if we were supposed to pretend we were British and dip the fries in the mayo, but that's what I did. And it was fantastic- an absolutely awesome mix of tangy and spicy. They were served in a small metal bucket which was odd, but they could have been served in an old catcher's mitt and if they tasted as good as this, I'd have eaten every last one.
OVERALL EXPERIENCE-
RICH: I liked this place a lot and would definitely come back. Very interesting choices on the menu too. I feel like I could come back here six or seven times to try things that looked good. Also I have to say our waitress was phenomenal. I kept my receipt in my pocket for a few days so I could remember to get her name off of it for this review but ended up throwing it away without realizing what I was doing. She was so good. She knew the menu very well and convinced us to try something we were not going to try and it ended up being great. Not only that but she didn't attack us with 100 cliche waitress lines of small talk. She was great and she never let our drinks get empty. If I can find her name I'll edit this post so you can all ask for her when you go try them out.
JOSH: I agree, the waitress was incredible. The vibe to the place was small city chic (was I magically transported to New York City?) and everything in the place was its own creation. I applaud them in their creativity, service, and portions. I'll go back and definitely try to hit something else. maybe hit that shake that I made fun of Rich about. I'd give the cook a hearty clap on the back and a slightly too hard handshake while I stare into his eyes and measure his manliness with my ice cold gaze.
MIKE: Josh's description of small city chic is pretty perfect. I absolutely felt like I was in NYC. The food is served on weird little metal platters with metal buckets which kind of made me feel like it was somewhere between hospital food and some sort of weird science lab, but I guess that's their gimmick.
MIKE: I wasn't blown away by the burger, but I'd go back just for those brussels sprouts and a milkshake, 100%. Maybe TWO MILKSHAKES (I mean, if all I'm eating is vegetables, why not 2??)
Before you visit BRGR BAR, check out their site online and familiarize yourself with the menu! http://brgr-bar.com/menus
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