Thursday, July 28, 2011

BK Minis and Sundaes!

I saw a commercial last night for new Burger King Minis- tiny burgers, cheeseburgers or chicken burgers in packs of 4, 6, or 8. So, 12 hours later, Josh and I took a trip to our local Burger King, where they weren't even on the menu! After an awkward conversation with the drive-thru girl, we had our lunch.

Here's what the boxes look like:

and inside:

These are weird. First of all, all of the bread is connected. So if you're sharing these, your fingers will be all over each other's food. And the weirder part? The meat is connected. Yes, the MEAT is connected. I know there are far more gross things to be bothered by when eating fast food, but this really bothered me.


As you can probably tell by this picture, they were pretty haphazardly put together. I know it's FAST FOOD, but come on Burger King- you make a point at lying to everyone in your commercials, saying that everything is cooked right there on the spot, can you at least pretend to care how your food looks?

But I digress- as a fat guy with a huge beard and long raggedy hair, I will stick with lying to myself and saying that too much emphasis is put on looks. What matters is this: How were they? I'll let Josh's face answer that question:


They were the definition of blah. The burgers tasted like burned meat and pickles- I barely tasted anything else. When 70% of the sandwich is the bread, the heart of the sandwich has a pretty serious job to do, and it failed. Theroll was actually the highlight- very light and fluffy. But the inside was a big failure.

Does this look like anything you'd want to eat?

The chicken was decent though- it could have used more mayonnaise, but the lettuce was crisp, the "chicken" was crunchy and pretty tasty- more like a McDonalds McChicken than any chicken Burger King usually puts out (so, a vast improvement). I definitely tasted a strong pepper flavor. We both liked the chicken more and were sad that we had to eat our burgers instead of just more chicken.

Even though the chicken was pretty good, the problem with these is that there is just no need for them. I've never really understood the appeal of sliders and mini burgers- it's just more bread! Why order something you love in a mini version where they just replace what you love with bread? Doesn't make an ounce of sense to me. And these are no different. And even if you wanted to eat a mini burger just for a snack or something on the side, they should sell them in packs of 2, and have them individually wrapped, or at least not connected like some science experiment gone wrong.

Here's how I see it: 

4 mini chicken burgers= Just short of 4 bucks- tons of bread, connected meat, and tiny.
2 value menu chicken sandwiches= Around 3 bucks, individually wrapped, more meat, more everything.
1 tender crisp sandwich= Around 4 bucks, enormous and delicious.

4 mini cheeseburgers= A little over 4 bucks, tons of bread, connected meat, tiny, not good
2 double cheeseburgers= Around 3 bucks, individually wrapped, tons of meat, more cheese, delicious
2 double stackers= 4 bucks, individually wrapped, tons of meat, more cheese, delicious sauce, BACON!
1 deluxe burger= More than 4 bucks, but enormous and delicious.

It just doesn't make sense. I give these a D-. The chicken was decent and I guess this may appeal to some people, but I see these as nothing more than a gimmick that people will try because it sounds neat and then, disappointed, return to what they got before. 

While we were at Burger King, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to try some of their new soft serve desserts. I don't know where Burger King has been in the dessert department for the last 8 years, but while they were offering weird cakes and cookies, I was ordering dinner at Burger King and then driving my fat ass over to McDonalds to get a McFlurry. They finally stepped it up and got some soft serve. BUT, they don't offer anything like a McFlurry (which we all know is just a delicious, but ultimately failed attempt at making the vastly superior Blizzard). They instead offer milkshakes and sundaes, with some solid combinations. Notable flavors were: M&M, caramel, chocolate, strawberry, and strawberry banana.

I got the M&M, which was soft serve ice cream, mini M&Ms like they have at McDonalds, hot fudge, and for some reason, caramel. 

Here's what it looked like after driving 5 minutes in 80 degree heat:

And here's what it looked like when I gave up on it:

Depending on how you like your sundaes, you should be able to see either the genius of these, or, if you're like me, the problem: WAY too much sauce. I know that's crazy for a guy writing a blog called FATGUYFOODBLOG, but I'm sorry, I like to be able to taste ice cream and chocolate (and caramel for some reason), not just suck down gallons of goo. The entire bottom of this was sauce- there was so much in fact, that I began to lose M&Ms in the mixture. If they'd calm down a little on the sauce, or if I just ordered it with none on the bottom, this would have probably been pretty awesome- the soft serve was pretty good and very vanilla-ey, and the chocolate sauce was fantastic- very thick and gooey like Dairy Queen's. But it was just too much. C+, but I give Burger King an A for finally stepping it up in the dessert department.

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