Wednesday, October 24, 2012

FGFB on the road: 12 Bones Smokehouse!

*Just a quick warning, this post will be rife with political satire. Just know that we here at FGFB endorse neither political candidate for office. It's a food blog, have fun :D

If you're ever in Asheville, North Carolina, you may want to make a quick stop at what's been dubbed President Obama's favorite BBQ place in the nation, 12 Bones Smokehouse. I had the luxury of visiting the River Store, located right by the great Asheville River Arts District, which makes perfect sense with their mastery of sauces and rubs. Let's see what President Obama sees in this place through his brainwashed Bilderberg eyes!

blurry pic, but it was a quick shot trying not to disrupt any of the patrons that were directly behind me.
As a man born and raised in the northeast (and not some village in Kenya), I've never really experienced much of the southern BBQ tradition. So my friend Steph took the lead, and helped guide me through the menu. We selected a few things she had really enjoyed, some things that I thought I'd enjoy, and we sat outside under a large open roofed structure.

My meal
Served on a hot metal plate, I chose to get their Pulled Chicken, Mac n' Cheese, Collard Greens, and Corn Bread. The pulled chicken was smoked and dry rubbed, and it was as soft as Obama's never-having-a-real-job-hands. It melted in my mouth and was a savory pulled chicken experience. The Mac 'n' Cheese was thick, but bland. It had more of a creamy texture but with no real discernible cheese flavor. Definitely where the meal shined, was the collard greens. Deep and flavorful, with a good amount of garlic, butter, and bacon sprinkled into the mix, which made the whole side dish tie together beautifully.

Where 12 Bones fails, much like our current president's economic policies, was the corn bread. I had high hopes for it- a real southern corn bread is a highly sought after asset. Like Bin Laden's body, they decided to toss what could have been the crescendo of this meal's term into the sea, and left my tastebuds wondering if this was even cornbread I was eating. Dry and devoid of taste, they might as well not have even offered it as a side.

Steph's meal
Luckily having a lady with me meant I got to sample most of her meal as well- an example of how socialist policies work to benefit the greedy. Her meal consisted of Pulled Turkey, Corn Pudding, Jalepeno Grits, and Corn Bread (blech). She added a half rack of Bluberry Chipotle baby back ribs for me to try, and had a side of the Blueberry Chipotle dipping sauce.

The ribs were absolutely fantastic. The sweet and spicy combination of them were probably the best way you could possibly make ribs, which are a meal that usually, like Obama's presidency, leaves you wishing it had done a hell of a lot more for you. Pulled Turkey, sweet and succulent. The corn pudding was basically the leftover bland cornbread made into a paste of some sort. The Jalepeno grits now, were actually really good. I'm not much of a grits guy but these were robust and not the bland canned grits offered up North. But just like Obama's lies, the buttery flavor to them builds up the more you eat, and ends up turning you off to these pretty quickly.

Similar to the live streaming video of the Benghazi terror incident the mainstream media and Obama failed to mention to you, I forgot to mention the unsung savior of the meal.

the female saws baws!

There were four freedom fighting soldiers here in the form of dipping sauces. Sweet Tomato, which was just a mediocre ketchup inspired offering in the spectrum, Tangy Mustard, which was reminiscent of a less hot Englehoffer's mustard, Jalepeno, which you added if you felt your meat needed a little heat, and above all- the Ron Paul of dipping sauces, Spicy Vinegar, which was exactly how it sounded. It paired deliciously with the pulled chicken and turkey.

After visiting 12 Bones, I can see why anyone would dub it their favorite BBQ place in the states. I'll agree with O on this, and even fistbump him in regards to this. Everything except the cornbread and maybe the mac 'n' cheese was of exceptional quality. Unlike Obama's presidency, it provided me with the change I had been wanting from standard run of the mill BBQ places I have back home. Most things were rich and flavorful and I'd love to re-elect them to a second term of being my favorite BBQ place in these United States.

just like an Obama drone strike on an Afghani village, I destroyed my meal

I give this fine American establishment an A

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