Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Don't let the siesta start without me: Oreo Churro's!

Pretty much every god and gun toting American has had the downright pleasure of eating a Churro. But the question on everyones candy coated lips is this: What the hell actually is a Churro? Our man Julian Assange from Wikipedia tells us that a Churro is
"a fried-dough pastry—predominantly choux—based snack. Churros are popular in Spain, France, the Philippines, Portugal, Ibero-America and the Southwestern United States."
Cool right? But what the hell is "choux"?
Our man takes a break from the Ecuadorian embassy to tell us:
Choux is "a light pastry dough used to make profiteroles, croquembouches, éclairs, French crullers, beignets, St. Honoré cake, quenelles, Parisian gnocchi, dumplings, gougères, chouquettes and craquelins. It contains only butter, water, flour and eggs. Instead of a raising agent, it employs high moisture content to create steam during cooking to puff the pastry."
 So, Oreos plus fried choux, sounds amazing. I flipped taco bell the bird, hit up the local super market and grabbed what looked to be the worlds tastiest treat for this weeks Oreo Churro REVIIIIEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

I don't think that sugar topping is optional there 'Ro

Stupid me and not having a fryer handy, decided that these guys should probably be prepared in an oven. Microwaves deliver the worst heated snacks, so with the oven option available, I took it.

After those 8 minutes were up, me and the lady made sure to roll our churro's in the included sugar Oreo dust that was included in the package. "Optional." HA!

The smell of sugary sweet Oreo filled the kitchen... we commented on how the air was thick and heavy with remembrance of fair food. With that promise in the air, and those glittering diamond sugar dust blinding us as it caught the light just so, there was only but one sense left in which to see if the ultimate churro could dazzle.

After I bit into the first Oreo Churro, I had but one question to myself. What the hell did I just eat? The smell of these was absolutely out of this world, but I can only think of the taste in this one, specific way. A small, slightly chewier empty toilet paper roll, covered in sugar, and filled with, something. The cream that was supposed to be Oreo tasted like burnt vegetable oil, which had been sprayed with one perfume puff of Oreo cream flavoring. If I had went with their advertised optional non sugar coated churro, I couldn't have gotten further away from them.

In a world where Oreo dominates in the snack arena, their frozen churro option is just downright disgusting. This only makes me think that they can be prepared one way, and in the frialator. But isn't that cheating? Isn't everything that touches a frialator just awesome? So no Oreo, the fault lays with you, and how these are barely fit for human consumption. I'm extremely disappointed with a brand that I've always given my unflinching loyalty. You started out 2016 on a high note, and came crashing down faster than the twin towers.

I give Oreo Churros and F. 
these are just horrible.

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1 comment:

  1. You really sandbagged me there! I like the edible toilet paper roll image, very descriptive.