Monday, February 15, 2016

¿Como se llama? It's the New Taco Bell Quesalupa!

Taco Bell’s been teasing a new item for months. We heard it would be revolutionary. Would it be as profound as the Doritos Locos Tacos? Is that even possible? A deep fried, Cheetos Cheddar Jalapeno crusted burrito??? (sadly, no, but Taco Bell chefs, I have more ideas, reach out to me.) Who would the new debutante be? You’ve probably heard by now it’s the Quesalupa, a chalupa and quesadilla love child. Maybe the worst kept secret in fast food news this year. Either way, I was excited to taste the new creation. Here’s what it’s supposed to look like:
Look at that cheese stretch
I admit, I was looking forward to breaking open that bag o’ quesalupa and making an edible cheesy rubberband. That’s what the ads showed so it must be true. The Bell also describes it as a…”beautiful, chewy Chalupa shell on the outside, with delicious pepper jack cheese baked right inside the shell. Majestic, melty cheese stuffed inside the shell. A cheesy shell…” Note how many times they used the word “cheesy.”

The anticipation was building. It was tough not ripping into the bag, especially since I’d been fasting all day-only one lunch and 2-5 snacks. ½ a donut.

Quit teasing me, bag!

Rifling through the bag, I set aside the Sriracha Chicken Crunchwrap Slider, Spicy Soft Potato Taco, and the Chipotle Chicken Loaded Griller to get to the main prize. Before I pulled out the black foil-wrapped Q-Loop I could smell it: a distinct fried dough and grease smell. Needless to say, this is an exquisite smell. I am literally drooling on my plate; it’s good living alone. I carefully unwrapped the sultry temptress, inhaled that deep-fried scent, then set it down in admiration. The Q-Lupa container cradled its package lovingly. At this point, I needed to take a deep breath. Tonight was the night.

It was finally time to crack that baby open and bathe in the deluge of gooey cheese. The shell was dense with grease but still slightly crunchy. I gingerly split it open. THE CHEESE DID NOT STRETCH. Monumental disappointment. I inspected the shell further and searched for the cheese. There was a piddly amount and at first I thought maybe they forget an ingredient, like when they forgot the quesadilla portion of a Quesarita I ate some months back. Researched it a bit further and I was correct, the cheese was baked right there in the shell. That’s the last time I trust a fast food ad. You’ve screwed me over for the last time.

Measly amount of promised cheese notwithstanding, the Quesalupa was satisfying. It tasted like some solid street food, if the street food vendor had been taken over by a fast food company. It tasted like ½ the food at TB-not a bad thing-but not radical like the Doritos Locos line of tacos. The familiar lettuce, cheddar, sour cream, and bland chicken combo is still killer, but I was hoping for something more elevated. And for $2.99 the value simply isn’t there. You’re better off getting the superior and cheesier Quesarita.


With the absence of cheese, high price point, and familiar taste,
 I give Taco Bell’s Quesalupa a C+.

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