Strawberry Shortcake Oreo Cookies!

Listen, at this point, nobody out there is surprised to see another Oreo review from the gang at Fatguyfoodblog. At this point we have reviewed so many that we have to review ALL of them. But after my last review I saw something online and I vowed to talk about it before the next Oreo review. So here we go. 

You know what I noticed looking at other folks on the internet reviewing new flavors of Oreo Cookies? Complaining! Not reviewing. We all know they can't all be a home run. No, no, this was complaining that Oreo does all these wild flavors and it's pleading with them to stick to the original and that's it. To those folks, I say this: STOP WRITING A FOOD BLOG THAT REVIEWS JUNK FOOD! You don't deserve it! You should praise innovation and risk taking! In a world full of the same old crap, one cookie company wants to try something new every damn time you turn around, and you're going to complain about it? WEAK. You'll never hear that crap from us. That's what makes us the greatest food blog on the planet. 

Luckily the folks at Nabisco don't listen to the haters. Instead they are probably over at their head offices like:

Then they release another wild flavor and go back to dancing. Here's what they are throwing at us for the beginning of summer 2016! Strawberry Shortcake Oreo cookies! I can't believe they haven't done this one sooner. A classic summer dessert now reimagined as a sandwich cookie. But does it deliver the promised flavor, like the Cinnamon Bun Oreos, or do they fall flat like the Fruit Punch Oreos?

I was expecting these to be very similar to the Strawberries n' Creme Oreos that came out back in 2013, but from the moment I ripped open the package and the aroma of them filled the air, I knew they were going to be different. It was a pleasant, sweet, fake strawberry flavor and within minutes it was like I just lit up a giant Strawberry Yankee Candle because the entire room was bathed in it.

Before I even take a bite I'm taking away points for one little oversight. The package isn't resealable. In this day and age that blows my mind. For those of us who try not to destroy a whole package of Oreos in one night, well, this puts us in a spot. Because on one hand, I like to enjoy them a couple at a time here and there. If I can't reseal the package, I'm looking at a couple of days tops from when I open them to when they are stale as crap. Therefore, it forces me to have to eat way more than I want. Even though I do really want to, when it comes down to it. But still. I expect this kind of thing from Keebler, but not you, Nabisco.

 But the cookies themselves? They are great! The strawberry creme in the middle is fruity but not tart. It's sweet strawberry frosting sandwiched between two golden-ish Oreos. My brain tells me they taste slightly of angel food cake, but I'm not sure if that's true or not. My brain cannot be trusted here. The strawberry creme and cookie combination is fantastic and when I ask myself if they nailed the flavor as I'm eating one of these, I lean towards yes. But the only downside is that one of the best part of having a real Strawberry Shortcake is how fresh it tastes. Fresh berries all sliced up, with whipped cream on top of fluffy fresh angel food cake. It's one of those desserts that you eat and it reminds you that every dessert doesn't have to just be chocolate/caramel/peanutbutter/ sugar blasts. Some can have fruit! So damn fresh! Unless you are a white trash monster who uses frozen strawberries.  In that case, you might as well just deep fry it all.  But that's really the only downside here.

Here's an awkward picture of me holding out a mangled cookie. Just because. 

In the end, I give these a solid B! For a fruity summer offering, I think the Oreo wizards did a great job this time around. They capture a tasty fake version of a beloved summertime dessert. Chalk another win up to these guys! The hilarious part is that there are new flavors being released in a month! So we can't even joke about how soon we'll get new Oreo cookies because it's already happening! Fruity Crisp and Blueberry Pie! As soon as we get our grubby mitts on them, expect to see a review!

Review by Rich Brunelle, who currently resides in a pile of homeless people called Seattle.

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Burger King Classic Grilled & Whopper hot dogs!

A dog is a man’s best friend. A hot dog is a hot man’s best friend. By the transitive property, hot dogs must be my best friends. But if I am what I eat, am I my own best friend?! Clearly not, as you’re supposed to treat your friends with love, and I apparently treat myself with the latest new Burger King offerings on a periodic basis. Sorry, BK, but you simply haven’t been making the cut for me lately.
I’m sure you’re aware (because I’m both the laziest and slowest review writer of the whole Fat Guy Food bunch), Burger King has hot dogs now, which I resent MERELY ON PRINCIPLE!! How can one claim to be the Burger King yet sell hot dogs? It’s almost an admittance that the hot dogs will be inferior to the burger. Otherwise, they’d be the Hot Dog King, which is a title I’ve already assumed and will fight to the death for. I’ve spent far too many sad, lonely nights in gas stations earning that title! I am truly the King of Wieners, any gas station attendant will tell you so. I’ve mastered every wiener in the Northeast! Come and get me, Burger King! But you best not bring a knife to this sword fight!
Well, now that I’ve burned through those stupid dick jokes, I’ll be straight up with you, my dear reader: hot dogs were once my favorite food. My dad has a poster I made in kindergarten called “About Me” that’s still shockingly accurate- favorite movie: Nightmare Before Christmas. Favorite Kanye Album: Yeezus. Favorite color: purple. Wait, nope, that one’s changed, it is now gray. But listed as my favorite food? Hot dogs. So when I realized this was my only option for a review I could write on the fly, and the subject material was a hot dog, I knew right then that the Burger King better bring it. Or else, I’d write a scathing review of that dog more savage than my last BK one. But why write a review on the fly? Because I’ve very conveniently got a Burger King that’s only 5 mins from my apartment! So, I trotted off on a short jaunt to the BK in Allston with hopes high and expectations low!

Oh. Oh dear.

Well apparently the word of my first BK review made it to the powers at be. Perhaps directly to his so-called Royal Majesty’s ears because this BK is clearly SHUTTERED BY ROYAL DECREE! Or possibly just going through a renovation. Either way this is awesome for me, because now to write this review I’ve already foolishly committed to, I had to trek to a spot 35 minutes from my real life work (according to Google). Thankfully, I managed to get there in 25, possibly because I’ve spent the better part of my life getting from Point A to Point B on my own two feet. So without further adieu, my review of the BK Classic Grilled Dog and the Whopper Dog!

First thing I noticed about these dogs is that they’re red. OK, you’re starting out with bonus points, BK. Red hot dogs are the only game in town in Maine, a state that I do not hail from but spent 4 years loafing about in, and I enjoyed my hot dogs to the max while I was there. But the second thing I noticed is what’s really going to put points on the board- the Classic Grilled Dog comes loaded with condiments. Ketchup, grilled onions, relish. Couldn’t have dressed it better myself! The dog itself was reminiscent of the elongated meat ovals of yore, which all things considered, is good. I can only imagine the process it would take to improve on that model. But, just like a key mistake made by the chefs of Charlie’s Kitchen in Cambridge , this classic could have been much improved by a grilled bun. No grilled bun, nothing to rave about. This is a slightly above average hot dog that’s only true merit is I didn’t have to dress it myself.
So, the only reason I ordered the Classic Grilled Dog was to serve as a comparison to the real subject of my review: the Whopper Dog! WOW! A hot dog in Whopper form. How long did it take the Executive Chef of Burger King’s test kitchens to fart out this idea? Did it take the length span of an average fart? Or maybe one of the seconds longer ones I occasionally have in the shower? We may never know.

BUT, WITH ANY STORY WORTH TELLING, HERE COMES THE TWIST. I LOVED THE WHOPPER DOG. I THOUGHT IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS! To be 100% honest with you, I can’t wait for the next time I lay eyes on a BK to order this scrumptious treat. What made it so great? It actually tasted just like a Whopper. The toppings and condiment scheme were the same- lettuce, mayonnaise, and all! I never realized that the composition of the Whopper is what made it a burger worth sometimes ordering. The same carries true to this hot dog. It blew its control group out of the water. I, as a “professional”  fast food reviewer, recommend this hot dog. Go get one! If you’ve ever had a Whopper before and enjoyed it, I have no doubt this will satiate you.

So, finally, the report card:
BURGER KING CLASSIC DOG: B. Like I said, bonus points for being red. And truly, this is a well-dressed dog. Just a simple grilled bun could’ve made this one an easy A.
BURGER KING WHOPPER DOG: FUCKING A+. IF YOU DIDN’T LIKE THIS YOU CAN SHOVE MY HOT DOG WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE, PAL. I’m writing this in Allston actually considering walking to Somerville to get another. Writing this review is actually making me hungry! But if it’s hot dogs that I crave, the local gas station isn’t going to do the trick. It simply must be the Whopper Dog, or NO DOGS ALLOWED!
I leave you on this note: All dogs go to heaven. Peace! –sl33zy

Review by sl33zy!

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Vulgar Display of Poutine Food Truck!

I’m not going to lie. I attended the event described in the above flier because of the two top billed acts. I knew two things: it was to support the former Off With Their Heads Drummer’s new food truck venture, and that I’d be getting drunk listening to music I love. I didn’t even know what the hell a “Pop-up” was. I was excited to see the play on the Pantera album “Vulgar Display of Power.” AND I got deliciously more than I bargained for. After a few whiskeys, I began to wonder when the food truck (‘round back, I assumed) would be open for business. The bartender explained that all I had to do is put in an order, and my poutine would be brought to me. Glorious.

After looking over the menu, it wasn’t an easy choice. I’m a poutine snob. I’ve had the good, the bad, and the mediocre. I’ve had poutine IN Canada. I almost went for traditional “The Regular” poutine. And though I’m sure it would have been phenomenal, I’m happy I didn’t. Once I saw the word PASTRAMI, there was no stopping me.

This. Was. Game-changing. This pile of hand cut fries, with a homemade gravy and cheese curds could not have been more complimented than it was with this beautiful lean pastrami, lean and cooked to perfection. One thing that made me a tiny bit concerned was the mustard. I wasn’t sure if that would clash with the gravy. It didn’t. This homemade mustard (concocted with both reduced AND fresh IPA) is perfect. I can honestly say this is THE BEST POUTINE I’VE EVER HAD. Or so I thought.

On my way out after the show, I made a point to poke my head in an thank the chef. Ryan Fisher, still working solo behind the galley took a minute to accept my thank yous, and obviously abundant praise. I told him how dumb I was for not trying other items on the menu, before it got so late. So what does the sweet sonofabitch do?! Hands me a to-go box of Mac N Cheese Poutine. Which was funny, because I immediately dug in and devoured it. I was in hog heaven. This was his regular poutine, topped with homemade mac n cheese, thick cut chunks of bacon, bread crumbs, and grilled tomatoes. I snapped a pic for prosperity, but I took no time to get an angle that would accurately portray the beauty of this carb and cheese overload.

THIS was the best poutine I’d ever had. They both were. This guy has created something I’ve been longing for since I knew what poutine was: a local legend. This beats anything I’ve ever had, and I can’t wait to have it again. And my only advice if you’re going to get some: make it a double. I’m not making the mistake of walking away with an empty hand again. I loved this poutine so much, I even got me a XXL shirt:

If you’re in the New England area you can put your money where my mouth was. Check out Ryan Fisher and his Vulgar Display of Poutine Food Truck at

Lord Hobo Brewery (Woburn, MA) June 17-19th
New Hampshire Poutine Fest (Manchester, NH) June 26th

Follow him on social media to know exactly where to find him:

Facebook: Facebook.com/vulgardisplayofpoutine
Instagram: @vulgardisplayofpoutine
Twitter: @VDOPFoodTruck
Merch: anxiousandangry.com

Review by Dave James! Dave James, lives in Cambridge, MA as a graphic designer, funny guy, lover.

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The Caramel Waffle Cone Frappuccino from Starbucks

WOA HO HO THERE PARTNERS!
Unless you've lived on the Pakistan/Afgahnistan border for, well you're whole life, and are too busy fighting infidels to head over to your local Starbucks, you probably know what a Frappaccino is. This time, the split-legged mermaid of Seattle's seedy coffee underbelly lures you into the shadows with yet another frozen candy treat!

Behold! The Caramel Waffle Cone Frappuccino! This creamy, and blissfully thick frappuccino is a limited time offering, such is the style these days. So should you throw your 13 pump caramel, 15 pump mocha, 12 pump blueberry, 7 pump vanilla double shot latte from Dunkin Donuts in your dogs face and smoke show it to your local Starbucks?

 
Let Fat Guy Food Blog let you know!

First sip into this second-highest-calorie-count-drink-on-the-menu and you're already starting to crave more. Caramel whip cream pours into your mouth through the straw, rushing in behind it is that familiar thick coffee ice cream cold sweetness that makes a frappuccino so GOD. DAMNED. DELICIOUS. But this one has a few tricks up it's sleeve. The caramel wraps around the entire experience, making you think this is all just one big ode to the countries second most favorite flavor. Once you've thrown that sip down towards the back of your throat, you find little bits of waffle cone. After you've thought the sweet candy treat was over, it loads up another RPG of flavor and delivers a shockingly sweet jihad of summer remembrances.

Bravo Starbucks. Not only are you Kings/Queens of your craft, you've managed to step your game up once again. If you ever need frappuccion beta testers, I can garauntee every one of us at FGFB would love to help you out.

 I give the Caramel Waffle Cone Frappuccino an

A+

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Review by Josh, who currently draws pictures of aliens and the devil.
http://joshuaandrewbelanger.com / http://grimnorth.com

Cold Stone Creamery's New Blueberry Donut Shake!

Cold Stone doesn’t get the respect it deserves. With so many options it gets lost in the shuffle.  Did you know you can get a funnel cake topped with ice cream there? Perhaps you’d be interested in a Churro Caramel CraveTM  instead?? Into dad jokes and bad puns? Try the Cookie Dougn’t You Want Some or The Pie Who Loved Me. They’re nothing if not creative. Which brings me to their newest delicious creation.

I’ve dipped French fries in milk shakes and blended full cake slices with milk shakes. I’ve stirred around bowls of ice cream until they transform into a warm shake. But never have I ever replaced the traditional, and now passé, cherry on top WITH A FULL FREAKING DOUGHNUT.

I tip my hat to the gluttonous culinary artist that devised this creation. Bravo. 

Yes, that’s approximately ¾ of a blueberry donut used as a garnish. And it is beautiful. I dipped mine in the whipped cream and it right off the bat as an appetizer. The donut, while not super fresh, was still tasty. I scarfed it down quickly so the freshness/flavor wasn’t really a factor. The shake itself was perfectly sweet, creamy, and rich. The handful of blueberries added a burst of fresh flavor and made it healthy?

Cold Stone’s new Blueberry Donut Shake is a marvel and definitely worth a trip. They nailed the blueberry doughnut flavor. How about a chocolate cake donut flavor next?

I award an A for having a delectable viscosity and for being healthy (because of the blueberries?)
For more on this and all the other incredible items you can find at Cold Stone Creamery, check out their website HERE!

This review was by Mark Sauer!

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Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter & Cookies!

Every time I start thinking it's been a while since I've seen a new Ben & Jerry's flavor, I end up looking in the freezer section the next time I'm in a supermarket and end up finding one. That's exactly what happened with their new limited batch, Peanut Butter & Cookies. I had just gotten done talking to one of the fellow writers of this very website when this one jumped out at me and you can bet I bought it without a second thought! 

Sounds so good, right?

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter & Cookies boasts Sweet Cream Ice cream with chocolate sandwich cookies and a crunchy peanut butter swirl. So basically, everything awesome that you could ever want in an ice cream, right? Alright, maybe not EVERYTHING. But still. Sounds pretty solid! If it's half as good as Milk & Cookies it will be a home run for sure! (If you've never tried Milk & Cookies, take a quick look at this review from the FGFB archives by our ex-writer Mike. God bless his poor soul.) 

After peeling the lid off, things were looking good. It definitely looked like Milk & Cookies, but with some peanut butter swirls. The best part of Milk & Cookies is that there was no bite that was just ice cream. Every single inch of that ice cream was loaded with cookie crumbs. This looked the same!

Looks like I'm trying to sip it like fine wine. 

You can almost see the wonder in my eyes. I was so sure that this was going to be incredible. Everything my cookie and peanut butter loving brain could ever want. But, alas, I was wrong. Peanut Butter & Cookies was actually not that good at all. What was the problem? The "chocolate sandwich cookies", that's what. The actual ice cream was okay and the crunchy peanut butter swirl was tasty and added a nice crunch here and there, as well as some saltiness to battle against the sweet. But those cookies are TERRIBLE. I literally unearthed an entire cookie in the middle of this pint. It hadn't been smashed or shredded or anything. The entire thing was there like some Mayan artifact dug up by a gang of thieves in the jungle. I stared at it in awe but when I spooned it into my mouth I might as well have popped a cleverly disguised piece of cardboard in there instead. Bland. Barely any taste at all. Then I realized that all the cookie pieces were like this.  Those cookie pieces that are in every single bite.

If you look back through our history with Ben & Jerry's flavors, there are very few that we've ever given bad reviews. We love those guys. But this time there's no saving it. I, for one, am happy this is a limited batch because it doesn't deserve to stick around. I would say bypass giving this one a try and grab up one of your old favorites instead, like Chubby Hubby, or Phish Food! Otherwise you're going to get a generic sweet ice cream with salty peanut butter swirls and big gobs of tasteless fake cookies.
Hey Ben, Jerry, I know you're trying to save a few bucks on ingredients and all, but I know some guys over at Nabisco who do a pretty good chocolate sandwich cookie. Perhaps you should team up!

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter & Cookies: D-

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Review by Rich Brunelle, who currently resides on the West Coast, until Mt. St. Helens decides to erupt and set off a chain reaction that dumps the entire left side of the country into the ocean.

Pizza Hut BACON STUFFED CRUST PIZZA!

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. The deep thoughts were brought on by eating Pizza Hut’s Bacon Stuffed (stuft?)Crust Pizza. Swirling around my head have been thoughts on other bacon stuffed foods. I’ve indulged in bacon-laden cinnamon rolls, bacon-gorged cheeseburgers, and bacon-infused soda. Did the addition of greasy pork morsels improve these foods, I asked myself. I then realized that there were in fact stupid questions, despite what my teachers always told me.  Swine makes everything better and you should never question that.


Pizza Hut has been a love it or hate it chain for years, but I urge you to check them out if it’s been a while. They’re no longer the oily and indigestion-causing pizza chain. That honor now goes to Domino’s. How have they improved? They’ve added a plethora of ways to customize your pie-from garlic butter or pretzel crusts to white or buffalo sauces to a few new toppings. For me, it’s all about that balsamic drizzle at the end. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Hut’s intuitive online pizza ordering system. The future is now!

Back on track. Thank you, Pizza Hut. After several depressing months of uninspired offerings from my favorite chains, the Hut goes ahead and appeals to my most depraved instincts by impregnating their new crust with cheese and bacon. They’ve done this before, but not with Applewood Smoked Bacon; they used regular Hardwood Smoked Bacon. We can all agree that there’s a major difference in the smoking process? Ok, I couldn’t tell the difference, it tasted like bacon and that’s all that matters.

If you’re one of those obnoxious people who doesn’t eat their crust, this ain’t the pizza for you. To make room for all the fatty goodness PH had to increase the crust size. Simple physics. The good news for those loathsome crust-chuckers is that the new crust resembles buttery Bosco sticks as opposed to dried out bread heels. And you can add RANCH flavor to them. RANCH.

That’s grilled chicken and cherry peppers on my creation. The chicken tastes like actual chicken, not that rubbery crap you find occasionally. The peppers surprised me with a blast of sweet heat and added another layer to the flavor profile. To the newbies, that’s the balsamic drizzle, which adds a tangy/sweet flavor. My only qualm about this pizza is that it drooped in the middle, so a fold was in order. Not sure if they didn’t cook quite long enough or the amount of toppings made it sloppy, but this was a messy pizza.

The crust was phenomenal. Like I said before, they were like cheesy, bacon-y, ranch flavored breadsticks-and they’re attached to a pizza! I was expecting the cheese to ooze and/or stretch , but just like the disappointing Quesarito-no stretchy cheese!-the cheese was just kind of there. But it was melted nicely and added even more satisfying texture and flavor to the pizza. The bacon was in bit form, perhaps a bit chunkier, but still had a strong bacon flavor.
I was already a fan of Pizza Hut and their endless customization and drizzle options. Their decadent new crust just gave me another reason to splurge.


Slight droop and messy pizza with tons of flavor and satisfying melted cheese and bacon equals: A-

Review by Mark!

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